


If I Were (Same but Different)

by hueue



Series: su has me by the THROAT [9]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Time Travel, future Steven is from after AVSE, future steven: [three seconds away from a mental breakdown at all times], past Steven is after ocean gem, past steven: [parks and rec theme song], rose quartz is mentioned a LOT and every time Future Steven is ready to choke her out, su:f please be nice to my boy challenge, we!! need!! more!! time!! travel!! fics!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-18 14:53:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21929269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hueue/pseuds/hueue
Summary: Steven Quartz Universe is not a little kid anymore--he can drive, he's saved the galaxy (more than once), and he's a vegetarian now! He's doing absolutely fine, completely and totally fine.He doesn't have time to be a little kid anymore, there are school schedules to be made and planets to decolonize, there's no time to stop. He's doing absolutely fine, completely and totally fine.He's fine with being busy, he really is.But when he's suddenly back in a time when the name 'Steven Universe' didn't mean much at all, maybe he can learn how to be more than fine again.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe
Series: su has me by the THROAT [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1575244
Comments: 550
Kudos: 2134





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> snow day gave me shaken baby syndrome, send tweet
> 
> steven is NOT allowed to be 17, only I can be 17!! 
> 
> everybody should write a time travel fic now, enjoy this lil thing! ;^0

1

* * *

Amethyst was used to weird, she was an alien who lived in a sleepy Earth beach town who spent most of her time eating literal garbage. 

Not much surprised her anymore, the last big, life-altering shock that she’d experienced was when Rose Quartz had turned into a baby that Greg had introduced to them as ‘Steven’.

Steven lived with them now, he had since he was eleven ever since Greg had realized that the two of them couldn’t fit in his van. They’d made a pretty sweet house for the kid, full of human things that Amethyst couldn’t really see the point of but made Steven happy. She liked the kid, really: he was funny (albeit annoying sometimes), he drove Pearl crazy which is always a plus, and he really seemed to care about being a Crystal Gem. He also thought Amethyst was the coolest―which she happily agreed with. He was thirteen now but still looked pretty much identical to when he was eight (maybe that’s just how humans aged?) and acted the same, he acted nothing like Rose. 

If she hadn’t been there to see when Rose had disappeared (shapeshifted? fused?) into Steven she probably wouldn’t have believed that she was part of him. Rose was the unshakable leader of the Crystal Gems, she had always known exactly what to say, she never made a misstep―Steven couldn’t even summon her shield on cue. Pearl had said that Steven would be just like Rose one day, Amethyst hoped that was true. As much as she liked having Steven around, he wasn’t Rose Quartz, he was just  _ Greg’s kid.  _ The Crystal Gems didn’t need Greg’s kid, they needed Rose. 

But he  _ tried _ , he tried so hard, even if more often than not he screwed things up. He was always so excited to prove himself to them, which probably explains the fervor he had when Garnet invited him on their latest mission. 

“Really!?” he’d exclaimed, already reaching for his cheeseburger backpack and his ukulele both of which he insisted on taking on any mission, “Oh, my gosh! Give me  **_five_ ** minutes, thank you, Garnet!” 

“Be quick, Steven!” Pearl chimed as Steven stumbled up the stairs with his infectious little grin. Once he was out of earshot she turned towards Garnet, “Garnet.” she murmured, cupping her hands together, “Are you sure about this? I don’t know if he’s  _ ready  _ for missions like these...you remember the Sea Spire...” 

Amethyst choked down a snort, the Sea Spire had been a disaster but a  _ really funny  _ one. Garnet turned her head to face Pearl, “We have to give him a chance. He’s learned a lot since then, I think he’s ready.”

Pearl bit the inside of her cheek, “But this is a  _ corrupted Gem _ . He’s never had to fight one himself.”

“He won’t have to.” she assured, “We will be there.” 

“Hm.” Pearl looked to Steven, who was currently debating between which of his plush animals to bring, “...I’ll trust your judgment.” 

Amethyst stretched, “Yeah, Steve-o's got some tricks up his sleeves. I mean, he talked that Lazuli into  _ not  _ shattering us so I think he’s got what it takes.” 

Pearl didn’t look convinced, she never did when it came to Steven. She wanted him to be Rose but that just wasn’t him, unfortunately. “Steven!!” Pearl called, “Come on, we have to go!”

“Coming!!” he slung his full backpack around his shoulders and gripped his ukulele, skipping down the stairs. He paused, making a sudden beeline for the bathroom, “Wait! One more thing!”

Amethyst snickered as Pearl groaned, “Steven…” 

“It’ll be quick, I’ll be right back!” 

“He’s going to make us late!”

“To what?” Amethyst questioned, “The Gem’s not gonna get  _ more  _ corrupted if we give Steven a minute to pee, Pearl.” 

“I know but…” her shoulders sagged then straightened, eyes looking up to the portrait that sat just above their doorway―the portrait of Rose Quartz, as serene and perfect as ever. “It’s fine.” 

Mood thoroughly sombered, the three took a moment to imagine if Rose  _ was  _ still around, if she was there to roused them into action and lead them to contain yet another corrupted Gem. 

To imagine if they still had someone like  _ her.  _

_ Creak…  _

The nostalgia tour was abruptly cut off by the mesh door creaking open to reveal some bewildered looking guy who looked strangely familiar, “Oh, my God.” he murmured, frozen in the doorway. He was tall, almost as tall as Pearl, with tired eyes and messy hair; he look like Greg had right after Steven was born, he honestly looked awful. Despite his appearance, he wore a bright pink jacket that seemed out of place with his overall gloomy look. 

The three Crystal Gems quickly summoned their weapons, pointing them at the intruder, “Who are you?” Garnet barked. 

The intruder yelped, putting his arms up in defense, “Whoa, whoa, wait!” 

“State your purpose!” Pearl ordered. 

Amethyst reared her whip back to strike, “C’mon, guy, play nice here!”

“Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, stop!” he took a step towards them, “It’s me!” 

Taken aback by the intruder somehow knowing them, they only grew more suspicious. Amethyst tightened her grip, “Ugh!! Whatever, let’s just get this fool!” 

She flicked her whip, sending the barbed piece of hard light towards the human whose eyes widened as it approached, then they narrowed, then…it happened. 

_ Rose’s shield!  _

Plain as day, the ‘intruder’ was brandishing Rose’s shield against Amethyst’s whip. The Crystal Gems gasped, this could only mean one thing…

“It’s me. Steven.” he spat, tossing down the shield which dissolved into sparkles before it reached the ground. 

“Jeez! Wait, sorry, man!” Amethyst released her whip, letting it disappear. The others lowered their weapons, all of them getting closer to Steven, “You should’ve told us you were tryin’ to surprise us! I thought you were just tryin’ to go pee!” 

“How’d you get out of the bathroom?” Pearl stored her spear, worry etched onto her face, “Why…why do you look like this?”

Steven looked majorly uncomfortable, “I…uh…” 

Amethyst regarded him, “Tell you what, dude, you got really good at shapeshiftin’ since last time. Got the voice and everythin’, where’d you get the clothes though?” 

“Well…I…” 

“And Rose’s shield!” Pearl praised, “Good job, Steven! Your training has been paying off!” 

“Actually…um…”

“Yeah, man, you summoned it like a cha―” 

“Amethyst. Pearl.” Garnet interrupted. “Let him speak.” she directed her attention to the fidgeting Steven, “You seem uneasy.” She was right, Steven looked like he might curl up and die right there, usually he’d be soaking up all this praise but now it was as if it was hurting him. 

“I am.” Steven choked out. His voice was so much deeper, he really had gotten the illusion down pat (even if most of it was probably wishful thinking on his part).

Garnet set a firm hand on his shoulder, something she usually couldn’t do to him without bending down, “Explain.” 

Steven shrugged off Garnet’s touch and dug into the pockets of his jacket, movement revealed that the black shirt beneath was printed with a bright yellow star. The three watched him try to find whatever he was looking for. He did, pulling out a glass orb encasing a small hourglass. Garnet sucked in a breath. 

“Sorry. I’m…” Steven rolled the ball between his fingers, averting their gaze, “I’m not Steven. Well, no, I  _ am  _ Steven but―wow, this is hard to explain―I’m not  _ your  _ Steven. I’m from the future.” 

Amethyst’s first reaction was disbelief, she snorted, “C’mon, goofball! Lay off it, this is a good prank though, ten outta ten. Let's get goi-”

“Amethyst, I’m not joking. I’m from the fu…” he trailed off, his eyes following something.

“WHOA!” came another voice,  _ Steven’s voice _ , his normal voice. Amethyst twisted around to find that Steven― _ her Steven _ ―was looking at this not-Steven with big, starry eyes. 

“...ture.”

Amethyst suddenly realized that maybe she wasn’t as used to weird as she thought.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me writing babey steven: add....exclamation points 
> 
> merry crimis, here’s your gift!

2

* * *

This was probably the coolest day of Steven’s entire life! 

First the new trailer for Dogcopter 3 comes out, then the Gems invite him on a mission ( _without him asking!!),_ now his _clone_ is standing in his living room! Well, not his clone, this Steven was way taller and had a cool voice and was wearing cool clothes―this Steven was _cool!_ He was from the future, would he really be this cool in the future? Sweet!

Why did all the Gems look so worried then?

“How is this _possible!?”_ Pearl squawked, gingerly touching Cool Steven’s jacket. Cool Steven raised a familiar object, 

“I think it’s because of this…” he tossed it between his hands. Wow! His voice was cool! “I didn’t mean to come back here, I think it was something I said.” 

Amethyst whistled, “Well, it sent you back _far_. Steven’s only, what, thirteen? And you’re like forty.”

Cool Steven groaned, “I’m seventeen!” 

“WHOA, REALLY?! I’m gonna be _this_ cool in four years!!” Steven shouted, Cool Steven cringed. “Amazing! I gotta tell Connie…” 

“Connie.” Cool Steven repeated.

“Yeah!” he fished out his phone, running over to Cool Steven who put his hands up like he was afraid to touch him. He turned on the camera, trying to angle it so both of their faces were in shot. He tugged at Cool Steven’s jacket, “Bend down, I wanna send a picture to Connie, she’d love this! It’s like one of books!”

Cool Steven grimaced, “Uh…Steven? How about we hold off on… _that_ …for a second.”

“Okay, Steven!” 

“Oh, no, that’s gonna be confusing.” Cool Steven knelt down so they were face-to-face while the Crystal Gems watched their strange interaction, “We can’t both be Steven.” 

“I’ll be Steven 1 and you’ll be Steven 2, like last time! We gotta draw the numbers on though, so people don’t mix us up. I still have the marker somewhere…” 

“Wait!” Cool Steven (Steven 2) gave him a ‘time-out’ motion, “Uh, instead, how about _you_ be Steven and _I’ll_ be…” he thought for a moment, “Nora. I’ll be Nora.” 

“Gotcha, Nora!” he gave a thumbs up, Nora laughed returning it. It was soft and weak but it _was_ a laugh. 

Garnet crossed her arms, “Nora. You should go back to your time now.” 

“Awww!!” Steven pouted, crossing “Garnet, c’mon! Can’t he stay for a little bit, I wanted to hang out with him! We can go see my dad, and Connie, and Sadie and Lars!” 

“Er…” Nora pressed his mouth into a thin line. 

“Steven.” Garnet softened her voice, “Nora doesn’t belong in this time, he belongs in the future. It’s best for him to get home.”

“Yeah, well, that’s the problem.” Nora piped up, “I can’t.”

“What do you mean you _can’t?!”_ Pearl frowned, Nora scratched the back of his neck, 

“I don’t _know!_ When I got here I tried to go home but I just _can’t!”_ he exclaimed, “I kept asking it to take me home, to _my_ home, but all it did was take me _here_. I was only supposed to show Peridot and Lapis how it worked bu―”

“Lapis Lazuli!?” Amethyst gasped, “She tried to drown you and Connie! Why are you hanging out with _her?_ And who’s Peridot?” 

“Oh, God, I’m really far back.” Nora muttered, he cleared his throat and spoke louder, “Look, I’m going to try and get home but for right now…can I crash here?” 

Steven jumped up, “Well, duh! It’s your house, man!” 

“Right. Um…thank you.” 

He cheered, “ _Sleepover!!!”_

Nora weakly pumped his fist, “Sleepover…” 

“We can get a pizza, and play Lonely Blade, and make a Together Breakfast, and read the _No Home Boys_ , and go see Connie, and―” 

Pearl tsked, “Steven, remember. We have a mission to attend to.” 

“Aw, man.” he kicked at the dust on the floor then gasped, “NORAAA!!”

His future self flinched, “You don’t have to yell, Steven, I’m right here.”

“DO YOU WANT TO GO ON THIS MISSION WITH US!?” 

“Oh, Well! I don’t know…uh, maybe I shouldn’t…”

Amethyst made a face, “Yeah, I mean, how do we _know_ this fool even _is_ Steven? He might just be some faker. ”

Nora rolled his eyes, he pulled his arm to the side and summoned Rose’s shield in a snap, “Literally nobody else in the galaxy could do this.” 

“Aw jeez, you can summon our mom’s shield!”

He stiffened, “I can summon _our_ shield.” 

“Having Rose’s shield would be useful on this mission.” Garnet stated, “If Nora can summon it so…effortlessly…it may be of use to allow him to join us on this mission.” 

“YESS!!!” Steven cheered, pulling at the straps of his cheeseburger backpack. “Two Stevens! One mission! Can’t lose!” he pulled out his ukulele, turning the tuning knobs and plucking at the strings, “Oh, we can sing duets together, you have a deeper voice so you can do the low parts!”

Nora snorted, “Okay, sure! Why not, it could be fun! I think…”

_This is going to be AMAZING!_

He grabbed Nora’s hand (it was rough―way rougher than his), pulling him towards the Warp Pad. The Gems trailed behind, Pearl assuming a more authoritative look, 

“Steven, Nora, this is a mission that involves a _very_ dangerous monster―no goofing around.” 

“You got it, Pearl!” 

Nora just nodded, stepping onto the Warp with a determined look.

The Warp lit up bright blue, he _loved_ this part! A column of light surrounded them and Steven was immediately swept off his feet, it always made him dizzy to travel using the Warp; he giggled, getting turned every which way by the lack of gravity. “Steven!” Pearl huffed when he floated by her, “Be serious!” 

Steven righted himself, Nora grimaced. 

The light faded, leaving the five of them in a snowy area. Steven marveled at the new surroundings―big, deep green trees covered in thick snow, the snow made soft crunching noises beneath his steps, the sun was right above them turning the entire field into glitter. He pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of the landscape, making sure to crop Nora out of the picture before he sent it to Connie (gotta save that for later!). 

_‘on a mission!!!!!!’_ he texted, trying to ignore the chill settling in, _‘really pretty out here, i’ll get you a rock! big surprise for u l8r!’_ he clicked his tongue then deleted the last part, better to make it an even _bigger_ surprise. 

“Alright, Gems.” Garnet rallied, her voice echoed in the field, “This creature may be hostile, be safe but be logical. Let’s make this quick.”

Amethyst gave a thumbs up, “For sha’.”

Pearl squared her shoulders, “Of course.”

The three began to trudge through the snow following Garnet, Nora was still right by his side. 

“S-Sorry. Hard to w-wear sandals in the sn-snow, haha…” he apologized―this was classic Steven! This cooler version of him having to wait on him to catch up, the other Gems were nearly at the edge of the field now. He shook the snow from his left sandal, he wished he had brought some gloves with him, his hands were shaking real bad. Nora was just staring at him, not saying a word (was being quiet a part of being cool?), “N-Nora, you can ju-ust go catch u-up with them…I won’t mi-mind.”

Nora glanced at the Crystal Gems, now far enough away that he had to squint to really see them, “No.” Steven looked up to him, he looked like he was thinking really hard about something, “No, it’s okay, I don’t mind staying behind with you.” he bit his lip, “Are you cold?” Steven shook his head even though he really was freezing, he didn’t want anymore setbacks! Nora scoffed, “Yes, you are. Here, take this.” he shrugged off his cool pink jacket, “I’m sweating anyways.” 

The jacket was too big for Steven, it nearly reached his knees! But, it was crazy warm and the pockets fit his shaking hands well, so he wasn’t complaining at all. “Thank you!” Steven beamed. 

“No prob, Bob.” he playfully ruffled Steven’s hair like his (their?) dad did. He pulled a tiny smile then went back to that thinking face he had, “Steven…there’s nothing wrong with asking for help, y’know.”

“I know!” Steven smiled, trying to follow the Gem’s footsteps through the snow. Nora was still back behind him, he fidgeted with his hands, 

“Yeah.” he began to follow Steven, “I know you do.” 

* * *

“So…” Steven said after some time, the jacket weighing him down from being able to go full speed towards the still out-of-reach Gems, “any cool things happening in the future?” 

Nora paled, “Uh. Well, yeah, totally. Lots of cool stuff.” 

“Ooh!! I bet you’re _just_ like Mom!”

“ _No, I’m not.”_ there was an edge to his voice. He looked like he was blushing, color rising on his cheek. It was pink, a little _too_ pink. Nora took a deep breath, running a hand through his cool hair, the blush faded “Steven, you know how in _Gone to the Past 2_ the future starts to change because the time traveler said too much in the past…?”

“And his dog disappears!! Right. No more future questions for now. Gotcha.” big clouds of vapor appeared whenever he talked, “Nora, look!” he blew out air until he looked like a chimney, “This is so cool!” 

“You’ve seen snow before haven’t you?”

“Yeah, but I’ve never seen snow _here!”_

He chuckled, “Yeah, guess not.” 

“Hey, Nora, I know you said that I can’t ask any more future questions because our dog might disappear”

“We…I don’t have a dog.”

“But how do you…how do you summon Mom’s shield? I mean I can barely do it if I even _try_ but you just do it like _poof!_ Gosh, you probably have all of Mom’s powers.” 

Nora paused, he blushed that pink blush again, it faded, he murmured “I don’t really think about it.” 

Silence fell. Wow, he _was_ cool, he even did the brooding silences like Lonely Blade! 

The two of them strolled silently through the snow, well, not silently―Steven was humming the theme song to Crying Breakfast Friends, Nora just had that thinking look on. They were getting closer to the Gems, he could see that they were talking and they kept looking back at him and Nora. 

“They usually never let me on missions.” Steven said after the seventh rendition of the theme song, “They think I’m not ready for them.”

“I know.” Nora shoved his hands in his pocket, “How does that…how does that make you feel?”

“Hm.” Steven scrunched up his face, “It’s fine!” 

“Is it?” 

“Well, yeah! Now, I know that I’m gonna _be_ ready for ‘em soon, I’m gonna be just like you!” 

Nora blinked, “Is that a good thing?” 

“Huh?” 

_ROOOOAAAARR!!_

A thundering bellow shook the trees, both boys paled. It was so close, he knew it was close but he just couldn’t see it. Another roar shook the ground, sending Steven tumbling back. 

“Steven!” he could hear Amethyst’s voice in the distance. He spit out a mouthful of snow looking up to see Nora with Mom’s shield. 

“Are you okay!?” he asked once Steven sat up, Steven nodded excitedly, “Okay, good. Stay behind me.” 

“But I wanna fight!”

“No, you don’t.” 

The trees beside them swayed and parted, something big was coming. With each step it took to get closer to them, the ground trembled but Nora had his eyes locked on the monster lumbering towards them. Finally, the last of the trees parted, Steven gasped. This monster was almost as tall at the Temple, with spikes erupting from it’s yellow and grey spotted hide. It’s face had a big, hulking jaw with giant teeth jutting outwards, it looked like it could eat Steven whole―and it was coming right for him. 

He yelped, getting to his feet and booking it away from the monster. Nora looked back at him, “Steven! Be caref―!” The monster slammed into Nora’s side, sending him flying. 

“Steven! Nora!” he could hear the Gems getting closer. The monster reacted to their voice, rearing back and felling a tree with it’s massive barbed tail, it slammed into the snow, pushing the Gems back, effectively trapping him and Nora with the monster. Nora landed, wiping at something leaking from his nose (Blood?! Oh, my gosh, was he bleeding?!) before he stood up with fire in his eyes. 

“Steven. Stay back.” 

That was an order, no room for discussion—but that’s never stopped him before, “I wanna fight, I wanna help!” 

The monster focused its attention onto Nora, kicking back snow as it charged for him. Nora went pale then steeled his gaze, he held his hands out and two small bubbles surrounded them. Steven marveled, Nora ran for the monster, “No, you _don’t!”_

The two collided, the monster shrieked when Nora threw a punch, sending it back. It leapt towards him, Nora pushed off from the snow into the air and he _stayed there!_ He could _float!!_

He dodged a swipe from the monster, creating a shield that he flung at its face. The monster yelped, rearing back and jumping at Nora, a bubble encased him, he pushed out his hand and spikes prickled the rosy outside. Then with a wicked grin, he threw his hand down, sending it crashing down onto the monster’s head. It whimpered, Nora landed back onto the ground. 

Steven whooped, starry-eyed and jumping in the snow, “WOO! GO NORA!” 

Well. That was a mistake. The monster shook off its shock and whirled around to face Steven, it huffed, thick clouds of vapor made from its hot breath. 

And it charged. Its massive body getting closer and closer to him. Steven was frozen in place, looking at his hands in panic. 

_C’mon!_ he shook his hands, _Do anything! The boxing gloves! The spiky bubble! Float! Her shield!_ Nothing happened, nothing appeared. He screwed his eyes closed, hot tears brimming, _Be useful!_

Then a rumbling explosion and a rush of dusty air, he shakily opened his eyes. He was surrounded by a glittery mist of light yellow dust, so the monster was gone—but how? He swiped his teary eyes, focusing on something getting close to him, a bright pink form in the dust.

Steven tensed his arm, his mom’s shield appeared (better late than never). The pink blob came closer, he braced for impact. It finally came into full view and…what? 

“N-Nora?” Nora was standing silently in front of him, huffing and bright pink, even his eyes were pink with dark pupils that were…diamond-shaped? In his hand he held a yellow Gem spotted with gray, there was no emotion in his eyes. He didn’t know what Nora would with the Gem do next—bubble it or shatter it. Steven cowered behind the shield, “Nora, it’s okay, you can stop now. I’m okay. T-This isn’t fun anymore.”

Nora blinked and suddenly his emotions were back, he faded back to a normal color. He quickly bubbled the Gem and sent it away, his hands trembled. He stared at Steven who hadn’t lowered the shield, he didn’t look like he was breathing, 

“I-I’m sorry.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh oh! this cant be good l o l


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn dudes y'all going bonkers about this and im deeply grateful :^)
> 
> here's our terribly depressed boy nora!

3

* * *

This was probably one of the worst days of Steven’s (well, Nora now) entire life. And that was saying a lot. 

First, he had to cancel hanging out with Connie  _ again  _ for probably the seventh time that month so he could go to Little Homeworld, then a weird, messy mood (one where everything around him seemed muted) had hit him like a brick wall, then, just trying to have the smallest amount of fun with Peridot and Lapis, he accidentally sent himself back in time.  _ Way  _ back in time. 

And he’d already screwed it up. 

It was hard to keep his cool, he was back in a time where every other sentence contained the name ‘Rose Quartz’ and any sentence that didn’t was still relentless praise for her which, when one has a power that tends to go haywire whenever that name is even whispered, is unfortunate. To his credit, he’d kept his composure pretty well, breathing deeply when he felt the power begin to overtake him. 

But then that corrupted Gem had charged at little him and he thought about how helpless he’d felt in that moment all those years ago, thinking he was useless just because he wasn’t like  _ her!  _

Most of his memories of this entire situation were fuzzy, if he wasn’t there witnessing it he would’ve thought he dreamt it. His thoughts as that Citrine barrelled towards him were clear, though, no doubt about it. There was no time to think, no time to be rational, he just needed to save him!

He hadn’t known he’d done anything until he was suddenly standing in front of little him (Steven) holding the Citrine in his grip. The kid was shaking, absolutely swallowed up in his pink jacket with tears in his eyes and holding a shield…against  _ him?  _ He stared, trying to understand what had happened, he’d just been chasing after that corrupted Citrine, what was Steven crying about? 

“...T-This isn’t fun anymore.” Steven whimpered, holding his shield so close to him. What was he…oh, stars. 

He was Pink. Capital ‘P’ Pink. He blinked hard, thinking of a million different things at once to try and calm himself down. 

_ Connie, Night drives, Little Homeworld, Rom-Coms, Connie again, Dad, Garnet, Amethyst, Lars’ baking, Pearl, Peridot, Lion, his organic jacket, Lapis, helping people, Bismuth.  _

The color subsided, joined by the realization that he was  _ so  _ cold. He created a bubble around the poor Citrine and sent her to the Temple, finding some comfort in the fact that she was probably healed in his actual time. His hands shook, partly because of the temperature, partly because of something else. Steven hadn’t lowered his shield, he was still looking at Nora as if he was about to attack. His breath caught, just another trauma to add to the list, “I-I’m sorry.” he knelt down in the snow, cringing slightly at the thought of wet jeans, “I’m so sorry.” 

“Wha…What  _ was  _ that?” Steven asked, his excitement was gone. His eyes weren’t leaving Nora. 

“Something I really shouldn’t have done in front of you. I didn’t want you to see that.” now that the sound of blood rushing in his ears had lessened, he could hear quick footsteps being made towards them.  _ The Gems!  _ He thought quickly, shuffling closer to the still shaking boy, trying to push down the immense shame he felt, “Steven! You can’t tell the Gems what I just did.”

He looked confused, still holding his shield, “Why not?”

“I’ll explain later, I promise.” he presented his pinkie finger, he hadn’t done this in years, “I pinkie-promise.”

Steven sighed and released the shield, looping his finger in Nora’s, “Can you promise something else, too?”

“Anything.”

“You won’t get all Pink and angry again.”

He couldn’t control that, there was no way he could promise that. He shook with a smile, “I promise.” 

“Oh, stars! Steven, Nora, there you are!” Pearl’s voice called, teetering on the edge of panic. She and the others broke through the dissipating mist all holding weapons to face off against the already contained Gem. Pearl swung her spear around, “Where’s the monster?!” 

“Gone...?” both Steven and Nora stated, sharing a knowing look. 

The Crystal Gems looked dumbfounded, “Gone?!” Pearl parroted incredulously, “Where’d it go?!”

Steven got up, brushing off caked on snow from his jeans, “Well, N―”

“Steven bubbled it!” Nora interrupted while he stood, putting on his most convincing grin. Steven raised an eyebrow, Amethyst gaped, 

“Whoa, really?” 

“Yup! We worked together and took it down!” 

Garnet adjusted her visor, “Hm. Give us what happened.” 

Steven jumped, rolling up the sleeves of the jacket, “Yeah! Well, Nora, started wailing on it with this little bubble thing like―show ‘em, Nora!” Nora flexed his hands, boxing bubbles surrounded them, the Gems gasped, “Yeah, like that! Then, he started  _ flying,”  _ the Gems shifted their focus onto him for confirmation, he shrugged and nodded, 

“More floating, but yeah.” 

“It was  _ so  _ cool! He made a spiky bubble and hit it on the monster’s face! Then” the excitement on his face dimmed, Nora tensed, “Then…”

“Then Steven poofed it!” he interjected, “All on his own!” 

Pearl looked shocked, “He poofed a corrupted Gem…all on his own…?” 

“Way to go, Ste-man!” Amethyst ruffled Steven’s hair, eliciting a laugh from the kid. She then shapeshifted her arm so it was long enough to pat Nora’s own head, “Nice moves, dude.” 

“Thanks, Amethyst!” 

“Thanks.” 

Garnet nodded in approval, “Well. Let’s head back home. Good job today, Nora.”

“And Steven.” Nora added, crossing his arms. 

“Yes.” she glanced at him. He wondered which one of them was more in control at that moment―Ruby or Sapphire. It would’ve helped him figure out which of them were glaring at him now, “And Steven.” 

* * *

Steven practically leapt off the Warp Pad once they arrived back, whirling around to face him, “So!” he handed Nora back his jacket, “What should we do first?” 

“Oh!” God, he was serious about them spending the day together. All he really wanted to do was sleep for maybe six days and get back to his own time, but knowing  _ him  _ at thirteen, there wouldn’t be time to spare. “I don’t know, what do you want to do first? 

“I want…” Steven’s stomach rumbled, “to get some Fish Stew’s pizza!” 

Nora pushed down a groan. Of  _ course  _ they were going into town, he was stupid to think Steven would want anything less than to show Nora off to everybody in Beach City. Maybe he could talk him out of it once they got to Fish Stew’s, say something about not messing up the future or something. He put on a smile, “Okay!” 

The kid grinned, taking his backpack from his shoulders and retrieving his phone. He looked back to Pearl, “Is it okay if we go to the Boardwalk? Nora’ll be in charge.”

She looked at the two, “Two of you!? We’ll be lucky if the city’s still standing…”

Nora narrowed his eyes, he’d forgotten how the Gems used to treat him. He wasn’t useless! He could take care of himself, the last few years has proved that. He could definitely take care of himself times two. Steven didn’t seem phased, just shrugging at what Pearl said. 

“We’ll be okay.” Nora assured, adjusting the sleeves of his jacket. Garnet and Amethyst sat on the sofa looking at the two curiously, Amethyst stretched, 

“Yo, Steven.” he turned slightly then remembered that he was supposed to be ‘Nora’, his younger self spun on his feet, “You think it’s a good idea takin’ the longer you into town? I mean, Beach City can only take so much weird.” 

“Nah,” Steven blew a raspberry, “it’s good! The Cool Kids and Lars  _ love  _ when I bring weird stuff around, Sadie doesn’t like it when it’s icky but  _ Nora  _ isn’t icky!” 

The quartz raised an eyebrow, “Have you seen ‘em?” 

“Hey…” he whispered incredulously; he knew he looked like absolute death at the moment, even more so now that he’d gone Pink which always drained his energy, but she didn’t need to point it out. 

“Amethyst! Be nice!” Pearl chastised, taking Steven’s discarded backpack from the floor and bringing it back up to his room. Nora smiled slightly, that was Pearl, always tidying up. At least now she let him do his own laundry. 

“I am being nice!” Amethyst retorted, “I could be  _ way  _ meaner to Nora.”

“Nora’s cool!” Steven defended. Part of him wanted to ‘aww’, another wanted to laugh at the thought of his life being anything that could be described as ‘cool’, “He’s gonna teach me how to be cool like him!” 

_ This isn’t cool _ , he thought, biting the inside of his cheek and plastering on a fake smile,  _ I’m not cool, I’m falling apart.  _ The sudden blunt thought made him suck in a breath,  _ No, I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.  _

“...Nora?” 

He snapped back to attention, Pearl was staring at him with…confusion? Yeah. Confusion with a hint of worry. 

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

“Steven was saying that you’d be showing him how to perform your mother’s powers you inherited. Would that be possible?” 

God, there it was again. It was always Rose first then Steven― _ her  _ shield that he now had,  _ her  _ powers that he’d learned. He pushed down the mixed up emotions that came with his mom and pulled at his hair, “Er…I don’t know! I didn’t really learn any of it, my powers just kinda  _ show up. _ ” Steven’s smile faded slightly, Nora backtracked, “But! I can try to help you get shield summoning down!” he summoned his shield to prove his point, the smile returned. 

“Yay!” Steven’s phone buzzed, he glanced at it then lit up, “Alright, c’mon, Nora!” he grabbed onto his hands (wow, his hands used to be so soft) and pulled him towards the door. 

“See you, guys!” both of them chimed, the Gems waved back. 

“Be safe!”

“Don’t weird anybody out too much!”

“Steven.” Garnet straightened her shoulders, “Don’t hesitate to call if you’re in trouble.”

“It’s alright, Garnet.” Nora assured, “I’ll be with him.”

“I know you will be.”

The Gems looked to Garnet, Nora tried to process, Steven dragged him out the door. 

* * *

“Thanks for saving me back there,” Steven said after the Temple was out of sight. “I was so freaked out, I forgot to say thank you, haha.” Nora shielded his eyes from the mid-afternoon sun beaming down on them. No surprise, Steven was freaked out, Nora had lost control in front of him,

“No problem, Steven. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”

“Because I’m you?”

“Because  _ you’re  _ you, dummy.” he playfully swatted Steven’s back. Steven flinched, rubbing where he’d hit him, 

“Whoa, you’re strong.”

“Oh, jeez, sorry.” 

_ Nice going, Universe.  _

“It’s okay! Anyways, who knows what would’ve happened if you weren’t there! I would’ve  _ poofed _ ,  _ THAT _ would suck, I’d have to change my outfit and everything.”

Nora blinked away the memory of Spinel hitting him with her scythe, over and over and over again, “You…We can’t poof, Steven. We’re half-organic.”

“We’re  _ wha?”  _

“We’re half-human, we can’t poof.”

“Hm.” he spun to look at Nora, non-deterred by this new info, “So what  _ do  _ we do?” 

Nora pressed his nails into the palm of his hands, mind racing back. 

_ ‘It’s time to come out, Pink…’  _

“I don’t know. I don’t know what we do.”  __

“Bummer.”

The Boardwalk came into view, a small smile spread across his face. It was still the same, even with everything changing in his life, nothing had changed in Beach City. The only difference was that the crater from Spinel’s injector didn’t mar the hill leading up to the lighthouse―which was a difference Nora was glad to have. Steven’s phone buzzed again, he texted something then put it back.

“Look at you, Mr. Popular.” Nora joked, “Who are you textin’?” 

“Nooooboodyyy…”

“Come on, kid, I’m  _ you _ .” 

“It’s a surprise!” Steven beamed, anxiety bubbled in Nora’s chest as they approached Fish Stew’s pizza. 

“A surprise…for who?” 

“Guess!” 

_ Oh, no.  _

“Steven. What did you do?” 

“You have to guess!” 

They arrived, Steven had an expression that Nora knew all too well―he had planned something. Nora held open the door for his younger version but he just stood there with a smug face, “Steven. Oh, my god, what did you do?” His smug smile just grew bigger, Nora groaned entering the restaurant but still facing Steven, “Fine, whatever, but if it’s anything gross I’ll go back to the future right…”

“Holy cow, Steven you really weren’t joking!” 

He knew that voice but he really wished he didn’t. Nora spun on his heels and only confirmed his suspicion.

There, right in front of him, dressed in a cutesy green dress and wearing frameless glasses, was Connie Maheswaran with big, shocked eyes. Steven jogged over to her with a showy grin, 

“Connie! This is Nora! He’s me from the future!”

He weakly waved, this day just keeps getting worse. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nora lies to steven like if he doesnt then the terrorists will win 
> 
> also connie's here now! next chap: more nora pov, some cool kids, some lars & sadie, and some very difficult conversations


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this bitch LONG! i had a lot to put in here and by god i did  
> prickly pair and little graduation had me like !?!?!?!?!?!?! half of this was written before they aired, half of it was written after, that's your warning  
> enjoy!! 
> 
> (also i realized that a lot of what i had planned for this was also in ANOTHER su time travel au!! so check out @sutimetravelau on tumblr, our wavelengths...the same)

4

* * *

Connie looked like she was about to pass out. She was staring open-mouthed at him, holding her thick book in such a way that he was surprised it hadn’t fallen out of her hands, she kept looking between him and Steven as if waiting for Steven to declare that this was a prank and for Nora to disappear. Steven just rocked on his heels with the brightest grin which he brt contrasted greatly with Nora’s awkward expression. He honestly had no idea how to feel and feeling was his whole deal. 

On one hand, seeing little Connie was hilarious: his Connie’s style had done a 180 from the frilly outfits this Connie wore and she’d long since lost the empty frames, her hair was so much longer than his Connie’s and she was missing the calloused hands his Connie had from years of sword fighting. This Connie was an absolute baby and he could imagine his Connie cringing at her younger self while he laughed. 

But _his_ _Connie_ wasn’t there. 

The other hand held his immense guilt when it came to Connie, lately. Every time they’d tried to hang out it was him who cancelled, sometimes at the last minute. She always spent so much time planning their outings and he always wrecked them, she said that she didn’t mind but _he_ did. She was amazing, she was his best friend, his first human friend who genuinely liked him and hadn’t just gotten used to him since he had always been on the Boardwalk back them. She was so smart and talented and considerate―she was so _Connie_ . And he was being so _Steven_. 

Being here brought back memories of when they hadn’t needed to plan their days out so meticulously, they just did whatever they felt like until Mr. or Dr. Maheswaran showed up to take Connie home or until the Gems called Steven for dinner or a mission. He missed that. He missed it dearly. 

Little Connie straightened her glasses frame, taking a deep breath, “You’re really Steven from the future…” 

“Yup.” he supplied rather plainly. “Er…how are y-you?” 

“Who cares about that!? You’re from the _FUTURE!”_ she exclaimed throwing her hands out and letting her book fall in her lap, he raised his eyebrows. It took quite a lot to get Connie _this_ excited to where she’d ignore a book, “Oh, I have so many questions!!” she tapped her chin then snapped up, “Do I have my doctorate?”

“You just turned sixteen…so, no.” 

“Is she the president?” Steven asked, Nora sucked on his lip, 

“Again, just turned sixteen.” Steven made a face that clearly read: ‘So?’ “No, she isn’t the president.” 

Connie furrowed her brow, “Wait, if I’m sixteen, how old are you, Stev―Nora?” 

“Seventeen.”

Her dark eyes grew bigger, Nora’s fear that she was going to pass out grew, _“You’re older than me?!”_

He pushed his arms out to catch her if she fell forwards but when she shook off the shock he resorted to awkwardly putting his arms to the side, “By a year and three months.”

“A _year_ and thre― _This is incredible!”_ she tucked her hair behind her ears, standing up to fully assess him. It was weird looking down at Connie, even with his growth spurt she was _still_ taller than him, which she enjoyed endlessly. “You got tall!”

“Yeah…haha?” 

“Is this, like, a Gem power thing?” 

“I just had a growth spurt.”

“No, Nora!” Connie pinched the skin between her eyebrows, “I mean you being _here_ , can Gems time travel?” 

He pulled out the Hourglass, “This thing brought me here…it listens to you and sends you back in time to, like, grant your _wish?_ I’m still not sure how it worked, I’ve used it before back when I was, y’know, him.” 

“Oh! When you made a band with yourself!” she looked back to Steven who gave an affirmative thumbs up, “Are you going home soon, to your own time?”

He breathed, “That’s the plan. I tried to when I showed up but maybe it needs time to recharge? I mean, back when I used it for the band, it only sent me back like twenty, thirty minutes but I’m _four years back.”_ the Hourglass was cold in his hands, “Who knows how long it’ll take to send me home.” 

“Hm.” she tapped her chin, “Well, what did you ask it?”

“Wha?”

“What did you ask it? You said it grants wishes, what was your wish?” 

He had been joking when he said it (he wants to believe). It had just been him and Lapis, Peridot had stepped out of the room to grab her phone to record it, and he had just…said it, he said lots of stuff. Stuff he shouldn't have said. He didn’t mean it, he didn’t want to mean it; the Hourglass glowed and Steven looked to Lapis and she was looking at him. She was…it was hard to tell, her eyes were somehow narrowed and blown wide at the same time, her mouth was parted just slightly, and her hands were held tight against the fabric of her clothes. He had to run, he had to go _now_ , she was going to talk in that quiet way the Gems did sometimes, he just needed to get **_out_ ** **.**

And then he showed up outside the Temple. 

“It doesn’t matter.” 

Connie made a face, a face his Connie made when she knew he was hiding something, with how much she’d changed, that face was identical. He put on a smile, it was awkward and two steps separated from genuine but it was enough to make Connie drop it. Little him didn’t seem to take much notice in the conversation, still swinging his feet in his chair. 

“Me and Nora are gonna go to Funland after we eat”

“We are?!”

“wanna come, Connie?”

Connie nodded enthusiastically, not taking her eyes off Nora, “I still have _so_ many questions!! It’s like that book you and I read, Nora― _the False Suspect!_ When the girl has to go back in time to prove she didn’t assassinate the queen! _”_

He cleared his throat, “Why don’t we get some pizzas you two!?” 

“Okay!!” Steven waved to the front of the store, “Kiki, hi!” 

Nora turned, Kiki approached holding a notepad in one hand and a pen in the other, “Hey, Steven! What can I get for…” she looked up, expression turning to one of confusion; her eyes darted between himself and, well, _himself_ , “...Steven, who’s this?”

He internally groaned, the last thing he wanted to do was explain his existence all day, he just needed to get in before Steven introduced him as _him_. 

“This is Nora! He’s my―”

“Brother!” he smiled, reaching out to shake Kiki’s hand and ignoring the stare Steven and Connie were giving him, “I’m his brother, Nora Universe.”

“Steven!! You never told me you had a big brother!” she shook his hand, “I’m Kiki.” she laughed, “Gosh, you and Steven are like twins.”

“Like you and Jenny!” 

“Yeah! You’ve met Jenny?” 

Nora stalled, ‘Uh…no! Steven’s just…told me a lot about you guys?” 

She nodded, “Cool, cool. So, why haven’t I seen you around before, Nora? Don’t you live with Steven?” 

Oh, so little time to think up a good story. He floundered, trying to figure out the right thing to say; he was usually _so good_ at pretending to be somebody else. All he managed to say was a flippant, “You know…school…” before he gave Steven clear ‘rescue me’ eyes. To his credit the kid immediately leapt into action, 

“Nora works on an apple farm!!” 

He stifled a laugh, _What was with me and apple farms?_

“Oh, cool!” Kiki smiled politely, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Kiki, “Can I get y’all’s orders?”

“I’ll have the spring salad.” Connie ordered, sitting with her ankles crossed, facing away from Steven and towards Nora. 

Steven went next, “Me and my _brother_ will have two pepperoni pizzas!” 

“Uh, actually, I’ll have a cheese pizza. Thanks.” 

“What!! Why?”

“Steven…I’m a vegetarian.”

“WHAT? WHY?” 

“I just am! Why are you so―” he himself cut off, giving a thumbs up to Kiki, “that’ll be all,” _That sounded Diamond-y, Universe_ “I mean, we’ll be good―we _are_ good―uh, I…thank you, Kiki.” 

She snorted, “No problem, I’ll be right back with your food.” 

Once she went into the kitchen Steven basically threw himself across the table, “You’re a vegetarian!?”

“Oh, my god, Steven.”

“Why!?”

_Healing spit._

“You don’t want to know.” 

* * *

Thankfully the meal came and was finished quickly, Kiki only asking a few questions about Steven’s new “brother” when she set down the food and Connie asking approximately a million questions about Nora and the future. So far she now knew that she: didn’t even have her Master’s yet (again, _16_ ), that he could drive (which seemed to get the kids more excited than him being from the future, honestly), that Connie _was_ studying for something called the SATs (Little Connie had breathed a sigh of relief), and that Dogcopter 3 had actually been pretty good. 

The awkwardness had lessened somewhat, if he mentally blocked out the part of the situation where he was four years in the past talking to the younger version of himself and his best friend, it was almost like he was just talking to his Connie. Almost. 

Little Connie was still smart like his Connie, still curious like his Connie, still adorable like his Connie but she wasn’t _her_ yet. 

He was missing her confidence, her cockiness, the way she always knew how to reel him in back to the human side of him, the way her calloused hands were rough in his, the way she made him blush whenever she kissed him on the cheek.

Stars, he missed his Connie. 

“Are you all done, Nora?”

Nora was looked up from his empty plate to Kiki who was inches away from it, “Oh. Yeah. I’m fine, thank you.” he tore at the unused napkins, perking up at a thought, “Actually, Kiki, you mind if I use your pen real quick?” 

“No problem, just leave it when you’re done.” she brought it out from where it sat behind her ear and set it on the table.

“Thanks!” he uncapped the pen and flattened out his napkin, writing:

CALL CONNIE WHEN BACK IN FUTURE

CHANGE SCHEDULE WHEN YOU GET BACK SO YOU AND CONNIE CAN SPEND THE WEEKEND TOGETHER

IS THAT TOO MUCH? 

~~ASK GARNET IF THAT’S TOO MUCH~~

ASK SAPPHIRE IF THAT’S TOO MUCH 

“You’re writing about me?” 

“Ah!” he reflexively stuck the napkin in his pockets, “Uhhhh…nope!”

Connie rolled her eyes, “My name is on it!”

“Well, it’s just some stuff I need to remember, some stuff I want to _do_ when I get back home.” his face was already burning thinking about spending the weekend with Connie, he didn’t really know why. They were friends, _best_ friends, it wouldn’t be the first time they spent the weekend together. 

“Stuff having to do with _me?”_ she sounded shocked, he didn’t understand why. “You still hang out with me? In the future?” 

He and Steven exchanged looks, “Why wouldn’t I?” they chorused, she averted her eyes. 

“It’s just…you’re just, you’re just so much _better_ than me! I’m just a human, Nora! Steven texted me that you could fly and make cool bubbles and that you’re just like Lonely Blade!” she dragged her fork against her plate, “Why would you hang out with a plain ol’ human being like me?” 

It felt like Spinel had thrown him against the injector, this was before Connie knew how much she meant to him, before they became the duo who took down _White Diamond_ . Before Connie realized just how important she was in his universe, how, sometimes, she _was_ his Universe. Steven looked just as jarred, pausing folding his carry-out box. 

“Connie,” Nora said, mentally adding ‘HUG CONNIE VERY HARD AND FOR A VERY LONG TIME’ to his list, “why _wouldn’t_ I want to hang out with a human like you? You’re _literally_ one of the best people I know!” 

“You’re just saying that.”

“No, I’m not. See, look.” he pulled out his phone, if anything, photographic proof of Connie Maheswaran being _Connie Maheswaran_ would help convince her of her importance. His eyes froze on his homescreen―oh, this would be simultaneously a very good and **_very bad_** one. 

It was them during a mission to liberate one of the last remaining colonies, the Gems had trusted him and Connie to spearhead the effort and they didn’t plan on misusing that trust. The colony was full of Diamond Authority loyalists, so he decided to look the part―he found that loyalist colonies listened to much better when he fit the image of _Pink Diamond_ and that was easy to do even if a little uncomfortable. After changing into Pink Diamonds clothes (which, he _hated_ to admit, only looked better on him with time), he and Connie had ventured to the far off planet and delivered the news that they were free. The loyalists had gone peacefully once they realized that by disobeying _him_ they were disobeying a _Diamond_ (which he tried to explain wasn’t that big of a deal anymore), all of them leaving the planet, off to do bigger and better things, Connie hadn’t even needed to unsheath her sword―which was always a win. The two of them had been ecstatic about a peaceful ending to a mission that could’ve gone sideways in three thousand different ways (Garnet counted) and in the heat of the moment had taken a picture in the reflective cliffside. Him pressed against her side with a doofy grin and pulling his eyelid down with his finger and Connie planting a kiss on his cheek and lifting her sword in the air―it was almost his favorite picture of them, if only he didn’t look so much like _her_. 

So, not the best one to show little Connie, his outfit alone would spark another round of questions. He quickly opened his phone and found a more digestible one―she and himself posing goofily before a lesson with Pearl, Nora draped dramatically on his bed and Connie leaning on her sword. 

“Here,” he turned his phone to Connie, her eyes shined, “That’s you and me, being besties.” 

_“Is that a sword?!”_ she gasped, removing her frames. Nora nodded, happy to see the gloom of self-doubt off her face. 

“Yup! My knight, Connie Maheswaran, a human being.”

“Your knight…we’re going to be knight and liege...” she marveled, she hopped onto her feet, grabbing Nora by the sleeve, “Let’s go to Funland!” she pulled him towards the door with a toothy grin. Just how many times is he going to get dragged places by children today? He looked back, Steven was still sitting there, wordlessly staring at them. Nora dug his heels in the floor, stopping Connie completely, 

“Hey-o, Steven, let’s go.” he waved towards them, Steven shuffled to meet them, leaving behind his carry-out box, “Hold up, your take-out.” 

Connie squeezed his hand tighter, raring to go with her smile still wide. 

Steven pushed the door open, “I’m not hungry anymore.” 

* * *

Funland was as horribly unsafe as ever. Tourists screaming their hearts out as the creaky, old rides chugged on. Bored attendants manning every booth with a completely glazed over expression, the complete opposite of the 100% attention and intensity the quartzes gave. He had a lot of memories in Funland―most ending in injury―which was why he was keeping a close eye on the two children he was now in charge of. As soon as they reached the heart of Funland, Steven took Connie’s hand and started to run towards the nearest ride. Connie slipped her hand from the grip, turning and waving to him, 

“Nora! Come with us!” 

He cringed at the thought of getting on a Funland ride, it’d been easier when he was younger but now they were like dizzy torture, “I’m good.” 

She frowned, Steven took her hand again with an acidic glare towards him. 

_What’s that about?_

“Hey!!” he shouted as they dove into the crowds, “Be careful!! Don’t do anything stup…eh, whatever, they’re fine.” 

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes once they were out of sight. Finally, a moment alone. He was so tired. He was always tired now. 

Funny, with his eyes closed, he couldn’t even tell he wasn’t home. His brain automatically filled in the gaps with the fiery passion of the quartzes running Funland, he could imagine his Amethyst goading him on to try one of those knock-em-down games even though they both knew he’d break the bottles

…He could picture the ferris wheel with the damaged cart from when _she_ had torn it off all those years ago before he even existed―his mom, Rose Q― 

**_No._ **

He opened his eyes, it was just a thought. He needed to get out of this crowd

Finding an empty bench was easier than he anticipated, it was getting late and Funland was ten times more dangerous at night so the less brave of the tourists were starting to leave in droves which gave him plenty of empty benches. He sat heavily on the bench, leaning his head back, “Okay, Universe. You gotta keep this up until you can get home, just be nice to him and _don’t traumatize him_ anymore than you already are―than _he_ already is―than we? Ugh.” the calming sound of the waves rolling against the beach began to overtake the harsh noise of Funland, “Wonder what the Gems are doing now? Have they noticed I’m gone yet? Probably not, I mean, they’ve all got _better_ things to go…I’ve just been messing up lately, they don’t really _need_ me to be there with them, all I do is screw things up for them. Everything’s changing now and I don’t know where I fit anymore, everybody’s changing and everybody’s leaving, I just wish everything would _stop._ ” his cheeks burned and energy prickled at his fingertips―the telltale signs he was turning Pink. Closing that part of his thoughts off and shaking his hands until the buzzing in his ears faded, “Whew.”

“...Steven?” 

_Oh, my god,_ he groaned internally, _how can my luck be_ **_this_ ** _bad?_

He sat up straight, quickly wiping tears from his eyes, “Hi, Sadie!” 

“Steven!?” Sadie Miller gasped, “Why do you look like that!?”

_Right! Nora-mode!_

“Uhh! Sorry, I’m Nora. Steven’s brother _._ ”

“Steven’s brother.” she repeated flatly, “Really.” 

“Yup! Just visiting my little brother for the week...end...haha…” 

Sadie crossed her arms, “Steven, come on, how are you doing this? How’d you make your voice is so deep?” 

“It’s not that deep!” he glanced just above her shoulder, mercifully Steven and Connie was running towards him, not-so-mercifully they had Jenny, Buck, and Sour Cream in tow, “There he is! My little brother Steven!” 

“Hi, Sadie!” Steven greeted, coming to a stop with a bewildered-looking pack of Cool Kids, “You met my cousin Nora!” 

He facepalmed, “Brother.”

“Both!”

 _“No!”_ The Cool Kids and Sadie watched their interaction with fascination, Sadie scratched her head. He put on a strained grin, “He’s such a joker.”

Jenny snapped her gum, “Wow, Steven! You really _do_ have a brother!” 

“And he’s _sooo_ cool!” Connie gushed, Nora laughed nervously. She hadn’t been this impressed by him in years, it was supremely awkward. 

“Haha, yeah…I’m S―Nora, I’m Nora.” 

“Hey, Nora! I’m Jenny!” 

“They call me Sour Cream.”

“Buck.” 

Eyes turned to Sadie, she narrowed her eyes, “Y-You said my name already.”

“Right! It’s probably because Steven’s talked about you so much. You and your friend” _make it believable! You’ve never met these people before!_ “Laura.”

She smirked, “You mean Lars?”

Nora snapped, “That’s it!” 

“Hm.” 

He could feel the sweat forming on his neck. Jenny checked her phone, “Well, me and the boys are gonna go hang out at Sour Cream’s, y’all wanna come?”

Steven brightened, “YES!” at the same time Nora let out an impassioned, 

“We’re fine!” The group’s eyes were on him, “I-It’s getting late and, uh, the Gems probably want him home for dinner.” 

“We just had dinner” Steven countered, “and I don’t really have a bedtime, the Gems aren’t usually home anyways, so it’s okay!” 

_Jeez, that wasn’t okay._

Another strained grin, “Then it’s good!” 

“What about you, Donut Girl?” Sour Cream asked good-naturedly, Sadie blushed from the sudden acknowledgment, “Wanna hang?”

“I don’t know, me and Lars were planning on spending the night out.”

“He can come too.” Buck supplied, stoic as ever, “Despite his vibes.” 

“Er, I don’t know if Lars would want to―”

“HEY, BUCK!!” 

Nora sucked in a breath; a hollow, tired, tragic breath. 

_Keep it together._

Her kept on a calm, polite smile, trying to keep his mind as far away from that cave on Homeworld and that Roaming Eye as he could. 

Lars jogged to meet the group, slowing as he got closer, “Woah…”

“Hi, Lars,” Jenny blew a bubble, “this is Steven’s big brother, Nora.” 

“Steven’s…? God, is he as annoying as him?”

Sadie elbowed him, muttering, “Be nice.” 

Steven ignoring the insult shouted, “Lars!! We’re all gonna go have fun at Sour Cream’s house, do you wanna come?” 

Nora snorted at the way Lars’ face lit up at the invitation. It’d been years since Lars had even _cared_ about going out to big parties―dying in space then spending the next few months travelling it probably put things in perspective, Nora bit the inside of his cheek. Lars crossed his arms cooly trying to appear completely unfazed, “I’ll go. Whatever, y’know.” he nodded over to Connie with a sly look, “Is your _girlfriend_ invited too, Steven?” 

Connie blushed madly, Steven flushed, “We’re _friends,_ Lars!!” 

“It’s late…I should go home anyways…” Connie frowned, smoothing out her dress and putting on her glasses frames, “I wish I could hang out with you some more, Nora.” 

Eyes turned to him, he smiled kneeling so he was at her level, “Hey, it’s okay. Wanna see something cool?” he spotted a blossoming flower that had somehow sprouted through the floorboards, he took it by the stem and snapped it. Steven frowned. He popped his pointer finger in his mouth then placed it on the severed stem, it glowed brightly and dimmed to show an even more beautiful flower had grown in its place. “Look at that,” he set the flower behind Connie’s ear, her little face blushed deeper, “good as new!” 

Besides her, Steven frowned deeper, big eyes staring at the new flower.

“Oh, my gosh!” Sour Cream gasped, “Nora, you’re magic?” 

_Shit! Right!_

He’d been trying to keep a low profile. Well, failed step one. 

“Haha…yeah…” 

“I mean. He _is_ Steven’s brother.” Buck didn’t seem surprised. 

“Yup! M-Me and my brother!” God, that was weird to say. The closest thing he had to siblings was _Amethyst_ and she was five thousand or so years older than him, that or the Rose Quartzes but they…they brought up feelings. “We’re both half-human, you know how it is!” 

Steven smiled, “Both Rose Quartzes! Rose Bros!” 

Something was wrong. Not just the fact that he was, in actuality, pretty much the furthest thing from a Rose Quartz possible, but with Steven. He was smiling, he smiled all the time, it kind of stung to see how much he smiled. But his smile wasn’t reaching his eyes, it stopped just short of genuine. He shouldn’t know how to fake-smile yet, that was _his_ specialty. He wanted to pry, Steven was young enough that he probably wouldn't evade a conversation if Nora was direct, but not while they were in front of their friends. Nora put on a prize-winning fake smile, “Rose Bros!” 

Connie scrunched up her face, gingerly touching the flower, “I still wish I didn’t have to go so soon…we were having fun!”

“Tell you what, _I’ll_ drive you home.” Nora offered then paused. He was in the past, the past meant no Dondai, “Wait, no, my car’s back…home…in Ocean Town, I don’t have anything to take you.”

“You can take my car.” Sadie said, pulling out a set of keys with a zombie hand keychain and tossing them to Nora. He stared at her fish-eyed, he knew Sadie was generous but generous enough to give a “stranger” her car? 

“Wha!? Really?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, ignoring Lars’ incredulous expression, “we can walk over to Sour Cream’s, you go take Connie home.” 

“Thank you!” He needed to text Sadie when he got home, ask her how tour was going with the Suspects, it’s been so long since they were all together. 

“No sweat! I know I can trust you! You’re Steven…’s brother.” she winked and flashed him a smirk. 

_Oh, that’d explain it. She knew._

Nora exhaled a half-laugh, “Thanks, Sadie.” he pocketed the keys, shooting finger guns at the kids, “Alright, you two!”

“Road trip!” Steven hollered, Nora corrected,

“Like fifteen minutes long trip!” There was a sudden weight on his hand, he looked down to find that Connie had taken it upon herself to lace her little fingers in his. His Connie’s hands were smaller than his but holding this Connie’s hand just amplified that difference. Her face was dark red. The Teens chortled, Jenny wolf-whistled. “L-Let’s go!” 

He started to walk towards the exit, pushing back thoughts of how _great_ it would be if he was actually holding his Connie’s hand and not practically babysitting her younger self. Besides him was Steven, pressing his knuckles against his jeans as he walked beside them, Nora bit his lip. He added another line to his to-do list:

TALK TO STEVEN 

From behind them Lars laughed, “Watch out, Steven! I think your brother’s about to steal your girlfriend!”

Both of them looked back, “Shut up, Lars.” 

* * *

The ride to Connie’s was filled with even more questions, to the point where he had to really focus so he wouldn’t accidentally spoil something big. So many of her questions could be answered with things that would prompt at least another hour of interrogation. He couldn’t say _anything_ about Homeworld or the Diamonds, or Bismuth, Peridot and Lapis, or Pink Diamond―they hadn’t even _fused_ yet, it was like he was on page one of the spiraling tome of his life. So he dodged questions, told half-truths, and generally evading for the entire fifteen minutes to the Maheswaran household. 

None of this seemed to bother Connie, she seemed happy to just be talking to him rather than getting answers. Steven, on the other hand, Steven hadn’t said much at all. Once or twice he tried to jump into the conversation but inevitably faded into the background when Connie started talking again; he sat quietly, lacing his fingers together, breaking them apart, then lacing them again. 

Sadie’s car chugged along, the CD that had started playing once Nora turned on the ignition was playing it’s last notes when he pulled into the driveway. 

“...how’d I even get my sword? It looked so cool!” 

“Somebody made it for you.” Nora answered, killing the ignition. 

“It doesn’t look like that pink one that came out of Lion’s mane…did something happen to it?”

“Whelp!!” he twisted in his seat, “Here we are!” 

“Aww…” Connie picked at her flower, she unbuckled her seatbelt, “Thank you for driving me, Nora.”

“Anytime. Well, not _anytime_ because I, er, _he_ can’t drive yet. But in the future―anytime.” 

Connie giggled, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, “I had fun today, Nora. Thanks for letting me ask all those questions and thanks for letting me be your friend in the future.” 

“You’re my friend now…?”

“I know but…” she smiled, her cheeks pushing up her frames, “I’m really excited to be friends with _you,_ like _you_ -you. I’m excited to be your knight!” 

“I’m excited to be your leige!” Nora unbuckled his seatbelt.

“Aah! It’s going to be _amazing!”_ she opened her door, “I don’t have anything to do this week, so if you’re still here you should sneak me into a R-movie―I’m kidding, I’d never ask you to break the law.” 

He chuckled, “Gotcha.” 

“See you later?” Steven asked, not looking up from his laced fingers. Connie hopped out of the car, turned back to face him, 

“‘Course!” she leaned in to give him a side-hug, he unlaced his fingers, 

“I mean, do you want to hang out with _me_ later?” 

Connie snorted, “Yeah, Steven! I don’t have school this week, I can spend the day with you and Nora whenever!” she shut the door, racing up to the door and ringing the doorbell. Dr. Maheswaran opened the door shortly after, welcoming Connie in, who said one quick “Bye!” before heading inside. Dr. Maheswaran stared at the car in pure distrust―at least she was still the same. 

Nora turned the car on and shifted it into reverse, rolling it down the driveway, “Ready for Sour Cream’s?” he asked Steven who was wistfully gazing at Connie’s front door. 

“I’m tired.” Steven said, not even looking up from his hands, “I think I just want to go home.” 

“O-Okay.” he shifted the car into drive, “We’ll go home after I drop the car off, then. I’m a little tired, too. Good…Good call, Steven.” He didn’t respond. _“Oh, jeez.”_ he muttered under his breath, he was too young for brooding silences. 

The trip back to Sadie’s seemed to be ten times longer, he hadn’t attempted anymore conversation as he knew that _he_ hated when the Gems used to try and make him talk when he was upset. So the car was dead silent, the CD wasn’t playing anymore even though Nora had spent the duration of one red light trying to get _some_ sound going. He had a feeling that one of them was influencing the electronics, he just didn’t know which. When they finally pulled up to Sour Cream’s Nora let out an awkward breath, “I’m just gonna give Sadie back her keys. You alright out here?” He nodded, “Okay.” 

He turned off the car, pocketing the keys again and jogging up to Sour Cream’s house. He started up toward the door but noise emanating from the tarp covered garage made him reconsider. Warm light spilled from the garage, filtered through the light yellow tarp that sealed it off; he could hear casual conversation and soft music through it along with abstract shadows. 

“Hey, guys! It’s Nora, just dropping off the keys,” he pulled out the keys, sliding them under the tarp, “thanks Sadie for letting me borrow…” the tarp shifted, Sadie pulled it aside, “them…” 

“Inside.” 

“What?”

“You, inside.”

“Steven’s waiting in the car.”

“Sure, but _this Steven_ ” she poked his chest, “is coming inside for a minute.”

There wasn’t any arguing, she was Barb’s daughter―his _dad_ didn’t even dare argue with Barb. He ducked under the tarp and entered the cozily lit garage, decorated with abstract portraits of Amethyst. The Cool Kids and Lars all lounged on a big tattered couch chatting with each other, Sour Cream raised his can of soda at his arrival, “What’s up, Steven.” 

“I’m not Steven, I’m Nor―ugh, whatever, I give up. How’d y’all figure it out?” he sat on a plastic chair, Sadie rolled her eyes, 

“Steven, c’mon, it’s you! You can’t keep a secret to save your life, if you had a big brother I’d already know his _blood type_ .” she sipped her cup of water, “Plus, you answered to Steven _and_ said my name before I even introduced myself.” she grabbed a soda from the minifridge at her feet, “Soda?”

He accepted it, “Thanks.” 

“Okay, now tell me how you’re doing this?”

“Huh?”

“This whole double you! Is it a magic thing?” 

“It kinda is, I guess.” he cracked open the soda, “This is going to sound _wild_ , though.”

Jenny waved her hand, “Psh! Steven, everything’s wild when it comes to you.”

“I’m from the future.” 

Her eyes widened, Sadie, Lars, and the other Cool Kids shared a look. Jenny coughed, “Come again?”

He pulled out the Hourglass, “This thing sent me back in time, I’m trying to get back to _my_ time but it hasn’t worked yet.” 

“Really!?” Sadie gasped, “I just thought you were just pranking us! Trying to look older to impress us or Connie or something but you’re actually just _older!”_

“Yup. Seventeen years old.”

“You’re the same age as _us!”_ Buck choked, pulling down his sunglasses. 

Lars pressed his temples, “So you’re from, like, _ten years_ in the future!”

“Four.” he corrected. 

“STEVEN’S THIRTEEN?!” the teens chorused, Nora stuck out his tongue, 

“Oh, my God, Gems age differently. I basically looked like _him_ until my fifteenth birthday, you should’ve _seen_ my dad’s face when I actually grew!” he laughed into his drink, “Connie was _shocked,_ I was taller than her for a good two months.” 

“Oooh!!” Jenny grinned, “Are you and Connie official?”

 _“What!?”_ he nearly fell off his chair, “No! No! W-We’re friends!” 

“ _Just_ friends?”

“ **_Yes._ ** We’re best friends! I guess _sometimes_ we kiss each other on the cheek but that’s just what we _do!_ It’s not romantic.”

“Do you _want_ it to be romantic?” Lars asked, eyebrow raised. Nora opened his mouth, closed it, opened it just for a bunch of incoherent sounds before he folded onto himself, letting out an impassioned, 

“GOD yes!!” The teens howled in laugher at Nora’s incredibly blush pink face, “She’s SO great!”

“Then **_ask her out!_ ** _”_ Jenny instructed, clapping between each syllable. Nora dragged a hand down his face, 

“You don’t understand, a lot has changed for me. I was barely on Earth for two years and now I am on-planet but I don’t have the _time_.” 

“...Is that why you were crying?” Sadie asked, the mood sombered. “On the bench. You were crying―is that why? Because you’re too busy for Connie?” He quieted, he didn’t even want to try and speak. If he started venting, it’d be hard to stop, all his _mess_ sat behind massive levies and just brushing against it would cause it to flood over. “Steven, you can talk to us. This is just how life is sometimes, we get it.”

“No. You don’t.” he hadn’t meant his words to come out as a growl. The teens tensed, “I’m sorry, but you don’t get it.”

“Do you want to _help_ us get it?”

He entertained the offer, he’d always been able to talk to the Cool Kids at least. The first time he’d actually opened up about all the messed up stuff in his life had been _to_ the Cool Kids, it couldn’t hurt to try. He just had to be careful with what he said―for their sakes and his. “My…my mom lied about who she was.” he began, his mouth already going dry; the group leaned in, the atmosphere seemed to close in, “She lied about everything, really, lied until she couldn’t anymore. Some of the lies were small but most of them were…they were huge, now I have to fix everything.” 

“Why?” Sour Cream furrowed his brow, “It was her deal, why’s it your deal now?”

“Because I have her gem and that’s all it takes. This is hard to explain but…” he thought about how to talk about it in a way that wouldn’t make him turn bright Pink, “there’s this _authority_ in space, they’re, like, space dictators.They’re bad―they _were_ bad―and my mom and the Gems fought them so that life on Earth could grow but―” he sucked on his teeth, “none of you can **_ever_** tell him this, he’ll find out on his own but if you tell him it could wreck _everything.”_ the group nodded, enthralled in the story, “It was all a lie. My mom was a part of the authority, she _owned_ the Earth. She faked her death, became ‘Rose Quartz’, and started a war against the authority to stop them from destroying the planet. Gems were corrupted or s-shattered but the authority left, the war wasn’t won but it wasn’t _lost_ either. Then…she turned into me.” he sipped at his soda to stop the rising emotion in his throat, “Only Pearl knows that she wasn’t really Rose Quartz but before my mom faked her death she ordered Pearl to never speak of it again. She hurt so many people and all those people now want to hurt me. I was nearly _shattered_ on Homeworld because they thought _I_ killed Pink Diamond, I didn’t! I **_am_** Pink Diamond! No, no, I’m _not_ Pink Diamond, I’m _not_ Rose Quartz, I’m Steven Universe, I’m Steven…” he cradled his head in his hands, “I’m trying to pick up all the pieces and I guess I did a good job b-because nobody needs me anymore.”

Nobody was speaking. _Why wasn’t anybody speaking?_ He said too much, didn’t he? Steven, pull it together! The levy broke. He needed to get out, he needed to get out, he needed to get out. 

His chair scraped against the floor, “I’m sorry.” he muttered before stumbling out of the garage, Sadie made a sound that died in the air. The air was so much heavier now, it was somehow unbearably hot and freezing cold at the same time. He walked towards the car, pushing down Pink his gem was trying spread across his body. 

Steven was still sitting there, he looked like he hadn’t moved, “Nora. What’s going on?”

He took a deep breath, “Nothing. Everything’s fine.”

“Did you tell Sadie that we’re going home?”

“Yeah.” he opened the door to let him out, “Yeah, I did.”

“Did you tell her thank you?”

“I said enough.”

Steven hopped out of the car, his sandals slapped against the pavement.

And without a word, they walked back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little connie: oh my god im going to have a super cool space bf!  
> nora, knowing he has enough trauma to literally explode himself and knowing that he's already blocked every therapist in beach city's number: :) 
> 
> i drew our steven boy!! https://spooksier.tumblr.com/post/189942147713/congrats-to-steven-q-universe-for-finally
> 
> ( while i was writing this, goner by tøp started playing so just know i did take a 3 minute and 57 second break to lay face down on my floor)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is POPPIN here's another chap
> 
> (also if you want to make yelling at me in the comments more personal my name's tyler and i use she/they babey)

5

* * *

Nora didn’t say anything the entire walk back, which Steven was surprisingly okay with. Nothing but the sound of the ocean and the rhythmic slapping of their sandals against concrete made up their walk―it gave him some time to think. 

He just felt _so weird_ suddenly. Spending the day with Connie was a fun thing, he was supposed to feel like he’d just had _fun_ but it was more like when he ate all those Cookie Cats. His stomach was all knotted up and he felt like he was going to throw up―not literally, thankfully, but mentally. The feeling had started creeping up his spine once he saw that picture of him and Connie, well, not _him and Connie_ but Nora and future-Connie. They looked so different… _he_ looked so different. Nora looked stronger than him, he looked more _useful_ than him, he looked closer to Connie than him. How could Steven even keep up? Connie was already so amazing and she was going to be even amazing-er in the future, but him? He was at square -100 and somehow he had to get where Nora was, which was somewhere Steven couldn’t even see _and he only had four years!_ Nora had already lied to the Gems and said that _he_ had poofed the monster, but it was all Nora, Steven hadn’t done anything useful. Now, the Gems thought Steven was better than he was and he was going to let them down _again_. 

He just needed to catch up. 

The cement gave way to sand as they finally reached the beach, the walk had taken longer than he expected and, even though it was nearing summer, the air was cool and made his skin prickle when it passed. Nora walked just a few steps ahead of him with his hands in his cool jacket’s pockets, he hadn’t even looked back to Steven. It was just the two of them walking silently in a line, his―their?―house inched into view, Steven smiled at the idea of being home. He could play some video games with Amethyst, or Garnet could tell him a story (with funny voices), or Pearl could make dinner for him and Amethyst; that would take his mind off the weird feeling. 

But, of course, that was if they were even there. 

More often than not he came home to an empty house, dark and cold from nobody being around for a whole day but the times when the Gems were home made up for it everytime. More of the house became visible…and the lights were on! _They were home!_

Steven grinned, the weird feeling lessening just at the thought of getting to see them before he went to sleep. He picked up his pace, surpassing Nora and racing up the wooden steps to the door. Inside, he could see the Gems talking―Garnet with a hand on her visor, Amethyst looking oddly attentive, and Pearl steepling her hands. His excitement dimmed, they only talked like that when they were about to go on a mission…well, at least he wouldn’t be completely alone when they left, Nora would still be with him even if he wasn’t talking. He pushed open the screen door slowly enough that the Gems didn’t notice his presence; Amethyst dragged a hand through her messy white hair, “...but do you really think he’d do that? He’d never go to _them_...right?” 

The floorboards beneath him squeaked, the Gems flinched then turned to see him. 

“Steven!” they exclaimed brightly, the previous conversation ended.

He kicked off his sandals, sitting besides Garnet on the couch and laying against her, “Hi, guys.” 

Pearl clasped her hands together, “Where’s the other one?”

The door opened again and in walked Nora, still quiet with his hands bunching up the fabric of his shirt. He looked at the Gems with wild eyes, the Gems looked at him with a strange look. 

“What’s…going on?” Steven asked, eyebrow raised at the weird interaction. Nora took a breath and walked without a word to the bathroom, the subtle _‘click’_ of the lock following after he shut the door. 

“Jeez.” Amethyst grimaced, Steven laughed awkwardly, 

“Sorry, I think he’s tired.” he apologized. Garnet hummed, stroking Steven’s hair with her gentle hands. 

Pearl stood, striding over to the kitchen where steam was beginning to rise from a pot of water, “It’s okay, Steven. Did you two have fun today?”

“Hmhm.” he nodded, “We got pizza and went to Funland with Connie!” 

“That’s nice.”

“Yeah! She liked him! She...” the weird feeling pulsed in his chest, “really, _really_ liked him.”

Amethyst clicked her tongue, moving over to his side of the couch to sandwich him between herself and Garnet, “You alright, Ste-man?”

He huffed, lacing his fingers together to stop himself from crying. Aw, he was blowing it already! He was supposed to be cool and confident like Nora but here he was, crying like a little kid over something he couldn’t even explain! Okay, he just needed to tell them, “Guys…I have to tell you something…but it’s kinda bad.”

The Gems’ exchaged looks, Garnet gently cupped Steven’s cheek, “You can tell us anything.”

“Well…” he sniffled, eyes downcast, “Nora lied to you.” 

All the air seemed to be sucked out of the room, Pearl paled, “About what?”

“The monster from today! I didn’t poof it―he did!” he lamented, wiping away frustrated tears, “I didn’t even bubble it! I just sat there! I didn’t w-want to tell you guys because you were proud of me for something I didn’t even do...” 

“Aw, Steven…” Pearl’s shoulders relaxed slightly, she placed a lid on the pot of water and went over to him, crouching before him, “It’s okay, you’ll understand your mother’s powers one day.”

He pouted then nodded, she was right, he’d be just like his mom _and_ Nora one day if he could just stop being useless. Amethyst blew a raspberry,

“Buck up, kid.” she playfully ruffled his hair, “How’d ol’ Steven the sequel do it anyways?”

Steven wiped away the last bit of tears, “Wha?”

“How’d he poof the corruption?” 

His breath caught. If he thought hard enough he could still feel the humid air and the dust from Nora poofing it, he could remember his confusion, he could remember the pink shape in the mist taking shape, he could remember the way Nora’s hand clenched around the gem, he could remember the lack of anything in his eyes. Nora had looked _scary_ . He didn’t know he could look scary, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what had happened to Nora so that he _could_ . He wanted to tell the Gems to try and get any answers, maybe it was some new power his mom had had that he’d unlocked―but that wasn’t right, his mom had been kind and peaceful, she’d never have a power that made Nora like that. The Gems would have answers, they always knew what was going on. But he promised Nora he wouldn’t tell and Nora had promised that he’d never do _it_ again, he wasn’t going to let him down. 

“He said not to tell you.” he admitted, wordlessly pleading for them not to be mad. Garnet’s expression shifted, the corners of her lips twitched, 

“He said not to tell us.” 

Amethyst and Pearl looked to her. 

_What is going ON?_ he wanted to yell, it was like they were having another conversation _over_ his conversation. Pearl swallowed, 

“Steven, why did Nora say not to tell us?”

The bathroom door opened, signalled by the sound of the lock disengaging and the creaking door slowly opening. Out stepped Nora, holding his jacket and looking much more tired than before, his face looked like it was about to melt off. “Hi.” he waved, “Sorry for blowing past y’all, I haven’t been to the bathroom since I was in the future.” he awkwardly chuckled, it fell flat. The Gems looked between him and Steven, Nora pursed his lips, “Uh, Steven, do you have anything I could wear to bed? I would just wear this but they’re, like, my only clothes here.” 

He thought for a moment, “Wait! Yeah, I do!” he hopped up from the couch and hurried up to his loft, digging in his drawer until he pulled out two articles of clothing: one of his dad’s sweatpants he’d left during the week he stayed with Steven and a big Guitar Dad shirt. One of the only ones left! He tossed both down to Nora who caught them effortlessly, “Here!” 

“Whoa!” Nora’s face brightened when he unfurled the shirt, he smiled ( _actually smiled!),_ “Guitar Dad! I haven’t seen this in years!”

“Really!?” Steven pulled out his own banana pajamas.

“Yeah! A lot of stuff got misplaced when the house was…” he stalled, the smile faded, “I lost it. The shirt, I mean.” he sniffed, “Thanks, Steven, I-I’m gonna go get dressed.” 

He disappeared into the bathroom again, Amethyst scoffed, lounging back on the couch, “Yo, did future-you ever tell you why he’s such a sad-sack?” 

Steven frowned at her ‘joke’, “He’s not a sad-sack!” he leaned over the edge of the loft, gazing where Nora had just been, “I think something happened to him.” he lazily traced the grain of the wood, “I think it was something big.”

“Did he say something happened?”

“No, no. I just _feel_ like something happened, Sour Cream was having a party and we were gonna go but then I felt weird so Nora went inside for a little bit. When he left he looked kinda upset and Sadie was watching us and _she_ looked kinda upset, I think something happened in the garage.”

“Think he’d tell us?”

“Hm. I don’t know, he doesn’t really like talking all that much apparently.” he flopped on his back, counting the glow-in-the-dark stars pasted to his ceiling. He sighed, Nora was so _confusing:_ he was cool (really, very cool), he had a better control of his powers (he had his healing powers back!), he was nice(-ish) to him but everything about him was a little off, like he was looking at himself through a funhouse mirror. Nora was the mirror that looked the most like normal but was just wonky enough to reveal that it wasn’t. 

“Hey, Steven.” he looked up to see Amethyst’s shapeshifted hand quickly lifting the hem of his shirt and booping his gem, “Got your gem!” 

Ignoring the sensation it sent through his body, he snorted, giggling as he swatted her hand away, “Amethyst!! Cut it out!” 

Clattering from the kitchen caught his attention, Nora had returned, wearing the Guitar Dad shirt and the ratty sweatpants, and was rifling through the fridge for something. Steven sucked on his teeth, well, if Nora had heard him talking behind his back he didn’t seem to mind. He grabbed a can of apple soda from the fridge, snapping it open and taking a tentative sip, “Eurgh.” he stuck out his tongue, he lowered his voice to a whisper, “Were these always so sweet?”

“Don’t spoil your appetite, young man.” Pearl brought out two bowls from the cupboard, carefully and without mess she spooned in steaming mac-n-cheese into them, “Dinner’s ready.” 

“Oh.” Nora set the can down, “Okay.”

“Is everything okay?”

“No, uh, yeah, yeah, it’s fine. It’s just…you haven’t cooked for me in so long―in my time, at least.”

Pearl perked an eyebrow, “How come?”

“I’m, like, an adult. I can cook for myself, I usually get takeout anyway.” he sat at the counter, pulling his legs up to the seat so he looked like a bird perched on its nest, “I mean, I wasn’t really home for two years, so I had to feed myself somehow.”

“Where were you?” Amethyst questioned. 

“Huh?”

“You said you weren’t here for two years so where were you?” 

Nora blinked, then gestured around himself in nonspecific ways. Steven’s eyes narrowed, he knew that move: Nora was trying to make up a story on the spot. There was something he didn’t want to tell the Gems―but what? After a moment, Nora shrugged, “Out of town.” 

“For two years?”

“Yes.” That conversation was over, Steven could tell from Nora’s voice. Maybe once the Gems turned in for the night Nora would tell _him_ where he went for those two years! Excitement bubbled in his chest, maybe it was some magical mission! His _own_ mission, that’d be incredible! He jumped down the steps and took his seat besides Nora, who was quietly eating his food. 

“Thanks, Pearl!” Steven grinned, Nora hummed in agreement, 

“Yeah, thanks. It’s really good.” 

Pearl nodded, satisfied with their praise. She leaned against the counter, “So, how are you doing, Nora?” 

Nora stopped eating but he didn’t look up to Pearl, “Good. Fine.”

“Have you tried to use the Hourglass again?” 

“Mmhm. Tried it in the bathroom, didn’t work.”

Steven pouted, he was trying to just disappear without saying goodbye?

“Strange. Well, I’m sure we’ll be able to get you back to where you belong soon.” 

“Yeah, hope so.” he pushed back his unkempt hair, he muttered under his breath, “This is gonna put me _way_ behind schedule.” 

“For what?” 

“Uh…y’know…Gem stuff.” His eyes still didn’t raise to meet her. 

“Hm.” Pearl studied him, the enimagic expression she’d been wearing melted into one of fondness, “Stars, you look so much like her.” 

Nora’s spoon clattered against the bowl, “Who? Rose?”

“Your mother, yes.” she tentatively reached out to fix his hair, Nora stiffened under the touch, “Everyday, you look a little more like her.” 

He bit his lip hard enough that Steven feared he’d break the skin, “Think so?”

“Of course!” she happily grabbed Steven’s empty bowl, “Oh, I don’t know how future-me does it! You’re probably just like her―you’ve got her floating powers and everything!”

“Yup. And everything.” The energy around Nora was electric, Steven scooted his chair away. 

Pearl smiled towards Steven, “You hear that? You’re gonna be just like your mother!” she turned around to the sink, Nora glowered, 

“I’m nothing like Pi-” his eyes widened, “ _Rose!”_ he covered his mouth, something glowed beneath his hands. Pearl’s movements stopped, she whipped around to face Nora, her pupils like pin pricks and her own hand over her mouth. Nora stared down at his food then pushed away from the counter, wordlessly walking towards the Temple door with four pairs of eyes on him. The door to his mom’s room opened, Nora stood at the door frame, he didn’t look back. He said in a very small voice, “Thank you for the food, Pearl. I think I’m just gonna go to sleep. Sorry.” 

The door shut behind him. Nobody moved for a moment, 

“...What was that?” Steven asked, taking a sip from Nora’s left behind apple soda (it wasn’t _that_ sweet). 

“Nothing.” Garnet stood, bringing Amethyst up with her. She looked over to Pearl who was still staring at the Temple door with horrified eyes, “Pearl.” no response, “Pearl!” the pale Gem snapped out of her trance, “Steven. We’re going to go into the Temple now.” she walked over to Steven’s chair and knelt down so she didn’t loom over him, “If there’s any trouble, do not be afraid to get any of us.”

“Okay, Garnet!” She opened her arms for a hug, Steven happily took the invitation. “See you guys in the morning?”

“See you in the morning!” Amethyst promised, “We can make that disgusting breakfast again!” 

His eyes went starry, “Together breakfast!” he grinned, “Cool! You guys, me, Nora―it’ll be great!” 

Pearl put on a tight smile, “Yes. It’ll be great.” 

Then they were gone, after saying their goodnights and see you laters to Steven, all three disappeared into the Temple. Leaving Steven alone in the house, just him and his mom’s portrait. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with Nora, Mom.” he said to the portrait, “He just seems really angry and sad but I don’t know how to help. I think he misses the future, could that be it?” he walked up to his bedroom, changing into his pajamas, “He’s really mad at _you_ for some reason, I don’t get it. He gets really quiet whenever anybody mentions you, quiet and angry. Connie told me that teenagers usually don’t get along with their parents _sooo_ maybe that’s why! Maybe he’s just a teenager. But _I’m_ a teenager” he gazed at the portrait, warmth filling him, “and I think you’re pretty great, Mom.” 

He got into bed shifting his body so the portrait was still in view, “Nora’s great like you but he’s just really sad, I’m gonna try and make him happy. Everybody likes him a lot more than me―Connie, the Cool Kids, Sadie and Lars; he’s stronger than me, more of a Crystal Gem than me, he’s just…better. It’s weird that he’s still so sad.” he yawned, “Is the _future_ sad? He doesn’t really talk about it, I’m probably doing a bunch of Gem stuff in the future, right? That’s not sad, that’s exciting! Connie didn’t look sad in that picture…it’s just _confusing._ The Gems seem so nervous about him and I don’t get it, I don’t get _anything!!”_ he huffed, gripping his pillow, “I just want to be useful for once…” 

Rain began outside, the soft pitter-patter of raindrops hit against his window. It was nice, he always liked rain. He stretched and switched off the lights, moonlight flooding the beach house, “Goodnight, Mom.” 

* * *

He awoke to the sound of the Temple door opening, groggily opening his eyes to see a figure crossing the dark living room. The figure walked slowly, avoiding spots that usually creaked and barely making a noise, it made its way towards the door reaching out for the handle then moving away from it. It sat on the cushions near the window where a storm raged outside. 

“...Amethyst?” Steven asked quietly, his body begging for sleep. Lightning flashed, the figure was illuminated, his own eyes looked up to him, “Nora!”

“Oh, Steven!” his voice was hoarse, his face was damp and glistening in the moonlight. He was hugging his knees close to his chest, “Did I wake you? I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” 

Silence fell, Nora flicked his eyes to the stormy skies, discreetly wiping away tears. Steven frowned. Nora leaned his head against the window, closing his eyes. A roll of thunder shook him to attention, he held his arms out like he was ready for a fight. 

“It’s just thunder.” Steven assured, older him nodded, 

“I know.” he sniffed, his eyes were burdened with dark circles, “Loud sounds make me jumpy.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, don’t apologize.” 

_I’m not apologizing for the thunder._

Steven hopped out of bed sleepily making his way down to Nora. Nora stared at him, he looked like he wanted to say a million things at once but it was too much to handle. So, Steven picked up the slack, “I like rain.”

Nora seemed surprised by the statement, “I do, too.”

“It rains really hard because we’re right on the beach but then after it stops we get rainbows!”

“...”

“Things look bad for a while but then things get really good, y’know.” 

Nora pressed his lips together, he looked out to the choppy waters, “Yeah.” 

“I know you don’t like talking about certain stuff but if you ever want to talk…I’m here.”

“You don’t have to fix me, Steven. I’m not your responsibility.”

“But you’re me!” 

“Yes, but I’ve been _you_ before, you’ve never been _me._ I know how to handle me.”

“I want to help you.”

“I know you do.” he looked away again, adding just under his breath, “That’s the problem.” Another bout of silence, Nora wiped the last bit of wetness from his cheeks. Steven leaned against the door, looking up to the portrait, 

“Can you at least tell me why you don’t like Mom?”

Nora went still, his eyes wide and glassy, “I-I do like Rose.” 

“Every time somebody mentions her you get mad.”

“It’s complicated.”

Steven narrowed his eyes, “Then simplify it.” 

“Uh.” he worried his lip, “I just know a lot more about her than you do, kid. Not all of it is good.” 

“How not good?”

He shut his eyes tight, “I…I can’t really explain.” he pressed his shaking hand against his thigh, guilt spiked in Steven’s chest. 

“I’m sorry I pushed you.” he said, taking Nora’s hand. The shaking lessened. 

“No, no. It’s fine, don’t apologize.” he took a deep breath then put on a tired smile, “Okay, your turn.”

“Huh?”

“I answered a question, now you gotta.” he gestured to Steven, “You seemed really down while we were out with Connie―everything good?” 

_This isn’t about me, this is about you!_

“Yeah, all good.”

“You sure?” 

“Mmhm!” 

Nora gazed at him, he looked like he had a million more things to say, “Okay. Good.”

Steven yawned, “I’m really, really tired.”

“Yeah, it’s time for you to go to bed. It’s like 3 am.” 

Steven got to his feet, making small wobbly steps up to his bed, “Whadda bout you?” 

He shrugged, “I’ll probably sleep in the cloud room.” 

“Do you mind staying here? You can sleep on the couch, I have an extra blanket.”

“Uh…no! No problem, yeah. Why, though?” 

“It’s storming.” he grabbed his spare blanket from the foot of his bed, tossing it down onto the couch. 

“You aren’t afraid of storms.”

“I know,” he got into his bed, sending another mental ‘goodnight’ to his mom, “but you are.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nora: ᶜᵃⁿ ᶦ ᵃᵈᵒᵖᵗ ᵐʸˢᵉˡᶠ
> 
> \----------
> 
> Crystal Gems: [see Nora]  
> Crystal Gems: I want that twink ᴏʙʟɪᴛᴇʀᴀᴛᴇᴅ
> 
> next chapter: the cool kids return and some sparring training (uh oh)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok ive said this before but this bitch LONG!!!!! but by GOD i added everything i wanted to
> 
> also our sweet boy swears in this two (2) times and each time i felt like a i was breaking another seal of the apocalypse
> 
> btw you've prolly noticed but i truly have no posting schedule for this or litch rally any of my other works on here lol!! mrs. hyperfixation decides when im done, i am meerly a 17 yo rat

6

✧

He’s way past screaming. 

No sound wants to form, he can only gape with wide-eyed terror. 

_I’m not ██! I’m not_ ██ _! Please listen to me!_

There’s not enough air, he’s suffocating up in her clutches. 

He wants to scream, he wants to cry and thrash and fall to pieces. Anything to prove that he isn’t ██. 

Her nails get closer―they’re the size of his body, he can see his reflection in the black varnish. 

He’s scared. He’s so, so scared. 

He didn’t want to die scared, he didn’t want to die in front of Connie. He didn’t want to die.

Her nails get closer―poised and precise. They make tinkling sounds on the diamond embedded in his stomach, he shivers. She calls him ██ and _pulls_ , he wants to scream. 

He hears Connie scream for him, raw and desperate. He wants to tell her what she already knows. 

She _pulls._

He splits. 

✧

**_“SHIT!”_ ** he sat up breathless and heaving, his hands instinctively went for his gem. It’s there, it’s _always_ there. No matter how many times he has that _stupid_ nightmare, it’s always there. He lets out a shaking breath, groaning into his hands. 

It’s been nearly three years since White had pulled his gem out― _why_ is he still having nightmares about it?! He should be over it. He’s alive, Connie’s fine, the galaxy’s saved; White’s too busy smothering him with affection along with the other Diamonds to even _consider_ hurting him. She hadn’t apologized, per se, but she called him Steven now more often than Starlight or, _much_ less appreciated, Little Pink. That was her way of apologizing, simply acknowledging that he and Pink Diamond were two different people, one was here and the other was gone. He closed his eyes tight, curling into himself, “Eurgh…” 

“...Nora?” 

His eyes snapped open, looking to his left to see himself but younger holding his hands over his ears…what? He looked wildly around the room; he was back in his old house, what was going― 

“Oh, right.” he mumbled, yesterday’s fiasco spotlighted in his frazzled head, “Hey, Steven.”

“Are you okay?” 

“Y-Yup…!” Nora stretched, he snorted, “Why’s your hands over your ears, buddy?”

He stared like Nora should already know the answer, “You swore.”

“Oh!” he blushed, embarrassed, “Don’t tell Pearl.”

He untangled himself from the covers, groggily wiping the sleep from his eyes. Steven watched his every move like a worried mother, lowering his hands from his ears and holding them nervously at his waist, “You’re all sweaty.”

“Hm? Yeah, I just had a bad dream.”

“About what?” 

He blinked, the memory of him splitting threatening to come back, he shook his head, “Nothing to worry about.” he ruffled Steven’s hair, “What’re you doing up so early anyway?”

“It’s two o’clock.…” 

“Oh! Uh…well, good afternoon. Where are the Gems?” 

Steven shrugged, fixing his hair, “I dunno! The Temple, probably. We’re gonna make Together Breakfast…or, er, Together Brunch, now.” he sat on the couch, carefully avoiding Nora’s legs, “I wanted to wait for you to wake up for us to get started! I asked them to wait, too!” 

Guilt washed over him, “Sorry.”

Steven kept his smile, “Don’t worry! Amethyst said you probably needed a lot of sleep, she said you looked” he paused, “tired.”

“She said I looked like trash, didn’t she?”

Steven shook his head, then smiled sheepishly and nodded, “I didn’t want to be mean.”

“You aren’t, I do.” His Amethyst would’ve used and had used way stronger words to describe how he looked. He dried his clammy hands on the worn fabric of his sweatpants, “Feel like it too.” 

Steven twisted his body to face him, curiosity mixed with concern in his expression, “Do you want to talk about your nightmare? I could help you feel better...” 

Nora flinched at the thought, the last thing he wanted was for Steven to make him his next project―his problems were much more complex and something that Steven wouldn’t be able to _begin_ to understand. And he could sense that Steven was keeping _something_ from him. It wouldn’t be fair to saddle the kid with so much, to break the illusion her had about their mother and who she really was. He knew what it cost to fix everything, he knew how much of himself he gave up to do it―he wasn’t going to take the first piece of Steven. 

“It was…” _C’mon, say anything_ , “I dreamt that I l-lost my car keys and I was trying to find ‘em because it’s important to me…they’re important to me, my keys I mean. I was just freaked out about losing them because I was far from home and I didn’t know how I was gonna get me and Connie back without my keys.”

“Connie was there?” Steven asked, completely focused on the story; Nora stiffened (Connie had been there, she’d been screaming, she caught him when White tossed his body to the ground, she dragged his body towards his other half), “In the dream?” 

“Y-Yes. Well, anyways, long story short. I found my keys, they were in my pocket, go figure.” he finished, putting on a smile for good measure. Steven brightened, he put a hand on his shoulder, “So there’s nothing to worry about.”

“So, you’re okay?”

“I am one hundred percent okay” 

“Cool!” Steven leaned towards him, giving him a quick hug before hopping off the couch and racing over to the kitchen counter where everything necessary for a sickeningly sweet Together Breakfast was, “I’m glad you found your dream-keys and that you got dream-Connie and dream-you home.”

“Me too.” he stretched, “Why don’t you go tell the Gems that I’m up and we can get started on that Together Breakfast?” 

“Okay!!” his eyes shone―it used to not take a lot to get him excited huh? “I know you don’t really eat with the Gems anymore but this’ll be fun!” 

“Eh, sometimes they join me and Dad for Shabbat but I think that’s just because Amethyst likes the challah…”

“Yeah, that makes sense!” Steven skipped over to the Temple door, sitting down in front of it with his legs spread out in front of him. He threw his hands up with a flourish, “Temple open!” Nora stifled a laugh, Steven grumbled then tried again with more pizzazz put into the flourish, “ _Temple open!”_

“Hey, kiddo?” he asked, trying to hide his laughter while sounding identical to how his dad used to sound when he caught him doing something incredibly nonsensical, “What are you doing…?” 

“Well, only I can only open the door to Mom’s room so I usually do this to get Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl to come out!” 

Nora cocked his head to the side: _Oh, yeah_ …he did used to do that. He shook his head at the naïveté, “Okay, let’s try something different.” he stood from the couch, his legs wobbling across the floor to where Steven still sat, he helped the kid up, “We’re gonna use our room to get to _their_ rooms!” 

“We can do that?!” Steven gaped, pressing his tiny hands to the door, “Since when?!”

He scratched the back of his neck, “You’ll get to it soon, I think. I used it to get into Garnet’s room to unbubble Peri―er...” his eyes widened as he realized what he was saying, “WE OUGHT TO OPEN THIS DOOR, HUH?” 

Steven knitted his eyebrows together. Nora internally kicked himself, he had already let slip that he knew Rose Quartz’ real identity to Pearl (well, all he did say was the letter ‘P’ but he assumed by the horror on Pearl’s face that it was more than enough) not to mention the tiny breakdown in Sour Cream’s garage he’d had and the not-so-tiny breakdown in the bathroom. He wasn’t really batting 1000 at the moment.

 _Keep it together,_ he thought. He put on another smile, setting his elbow on Steven’s head, “Say, why don’t _you_ try opening it?”

“Really!?”

“Psh, yeah!” he stepped back to give him space, “You got this!” 

Steven nodded, “I got this!” he stared at the Temple door, picking at his cuticle, “...How do I do this?”

“Just…” he inhaled, all his powers (well, except _that_ one) had become second nature to him some time ago. He didn’t really _think_ about doing them anymore, “uhm, think about the door opening? Maybe imagine the door opened?” 

“Okay!” Steven scrunched his pudgy face up and closed his eyes tight groaning and straining with effort. Nora watched from behind him, a strange mix of embarrassment and nostalgia brewing. It used to be this hard to do _anything_ relating to his powers, he wasn’t sure if he’d even learned how to use Lion’s mane yet…where was Lion anyways? Steven huffed turning to face Nora with a face he was all too familiar with, blush red face and a pout―Steven thought he was letting him down, “It’s not working!”

“Oh, wait, look!” he discreetly placed his hands over his gem hoping to cover the glow it made as he willed the Temple door to open, the grey of the door turning a soft pink before flaking off into petals, “You did it!” 

“I did it?” he looked confused, Nora hoped his excitement didn’t seem too artificial. Then, thankfully, Steven’s face broke out into a grin, “I did it!” 

It doesn’t hurt to give him a victory once or twice. God knows how much he needed some personal victories when he was him. 

“Heck yeah!” he stuck his hand out for a high-five, Steven excitedly slapped his hand against it. 

His younger self looked like he was about to burst from excitement, “We’ve gotta go tell Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl!” 

Their hands looped together, Steven pulling him along with the excited fervor like he was afraid that he’d forget it had happened if he didn’t tell the Gems at that _second_. The slick tile turned into a bouncy material as they entered the room, the interior was as idyllic as ever with cotton-candy clouds floating lazily in the infinite sky and below their feet. “This place isn’t so scary now.” Steven exhaled with an expression of wonder, “One time when I was here I accidentally made the room remake the whole town! I was just mad at the Gems because they can’t hang out with me most of the time. It’s okay, though! They’re really busy with important Gem stuff and I just want to do stupid kid stuff most of the time.” 

Something in his chest pulled a little tighter, “Steven―” he cut himself off. What was there to say? He could grab him by the shoulders and drill into him that he was important and worth the time but what would that solve? He _idolized_ the Gems when he was younger, he had never stayed mad at them for longer than an hour and he caved at the slightest half-apology they gave him. Nothing he could say now would stop that, he wished it would. He shook his head, “Nevermind.” 

Steven’s grip on his hand tightened. 

Nora cupped his free hand around his mouth, “Room, we need to go to the basement!”

“Please!” Steven added. 

“Y-Yeah. Please.” 

A short distance away a cluster of clouds pulled away to show a glittering ruby ( _heh)_ red pole that dipped beneath the floor and into the unknown. Steven marveled in wonder, “Oh, my gosh!! C’mon!” he let go of his hand in favor of sprinting to the exit, skidding to a stop for a moment to yell up into the cloudy expanse, “Thank you!” 

Nora followed right behind him, the two stopping just before the pit towards the basement. He scratched his head, “Hm. How are we gonna do this?”

“Jump!” Steven leapt off the edge, Nora grabbed his collar in a panic leaving Steven dangling midair, 

“No!!” he pulled him back onto solid ground, “No! Oh, my god.” 

Steven shrank back, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t…don’t apologize, I-I just got scared. It’s kind of a long fall and I didn’t want you to get _hurt.”_

“You have healing powers, I’d be okay!” 

“I don’t want you to get hurt in the first place.”

“Why?”

He was glad his hand was still firmly on Steven’s collar and out of his eyesight; otherwise, he might’ve seen the neon fuschia rising up his fingers and into his palms. Nora shook them until the color faded, giving Steven a reassuring smile despite how much he wanted to scream, “You _deserve_ to be safe, Steven.” he sighed, assessing the pit, “We just need to find a _safe_ way down, okay? How about…” he summoned a shield, “you never shield-surfed, right?” Steven shook his head looking curious about the concept, “Ah, right, duh, the first time I did this I was on Homeworld or some―” he clapped a hand over his mouth but it was too late, 

“What’s a Homeworld?” Steven asked, peeking over the edge of the shield. Nora inhaled sharply, 

“Nothing! It’s nothing!” he set the shield on the ground, “Don’t tell Garnet, Amethyst, or Pearl I said that, though. I-It’s future stuff.”

“You said it was nothing!”

“Steven.” he pulled a hand through his still-damp hair, “Promise me that you won’t say anything.”

He pouted then nodded slowly, “I promise.” 

“Thank you.” he cleared his throat, he just needed to get this kid his Together Breakfast, “Uh…hm…” he stepped onto his shield, “I think it’d be best if you wait up here, Steve-o. The drop is a little dangerous.”

“Nora, c’mon, I can do it!” he pleaded with his big puppy-dog eyes (Stars, no wonder Garnet could never say no to them), somehow Nora stood his ground. 

“I’ll be _right_ back with the Gems, then we can get started on our Together Breakfast!” he bargained, Steven still didn’t seem willing, “Aaaand I’ll show you how to summon your shield on cue after breakfast” still no, “ _and_ your bubble!” 

His eyes glittered, “YES!” 

Nora chuckled, teetering on the edge of the pit, “Knew that’d getcha. Alright, Steven, stay right there for me, okay?”

“You got it!” he gave him a thumbs-up and stuck his tongue out cutely, then plopped down onto the floor. He gave a thumbs-up back, then dove into the pit.

It flashed between pitch-black and vibrant red, both colors zooming past him as his shield sparked against the pole; it was more than disorientating, his stomach dropped and his head spun as the speed picked up more and more until finally, it let out into the basement. He yelped, holding on tight to his shield as it collided with the ground and turned to sparkles while he shakily righted his posture, “Whew! Finally!” 

“What are _you_ doing here?” The words sounded more like an accusation than a question. His vision finally stopped swimming to show the Gems staring at him, Amethyst raising an eyebrow at his presence. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was interrupting something.

“I live here?” he said, “Plus, Steven wants to start Together Breakfast and he wants you guys there…because it’s a _Together_ Breakfast.” 

“You shouldn’t be in here, Nora.” Garnet imposed, “This place has corrupted Gems.”

“I…I know?” he pointed to the spotted Citrine lazily floating in the pink bubble above him, “Steven poofed this one.”

Pearl narrowed her eyes, she watched his every minute move like the next would be him lunging towards them, “Nora. Steven told us you were lying when you said he disrupted the form of the Citrine.” he clicked his tongue, 

“Oh.”

“He _also_ told us” Pearl straightened her posture to an almost unnatural degree, “that you told him to not tell us how you did it.”

Amethyst joined in, “And he looked, like, _super_ freaked out, man like _horror movie_ freaked out.” 

Oh, no. 

“I-It’s nothing.”

“Then tell us what you did.”

“Well, uh, I―” 

“OOOOOH JEEZ!” all four looked to the opening of the pit to see Steven tumble out with wide eyes, 

“STEVEN!” they shouted, Nora pushed off his feet and into the air to catch him in the cradle of his arms before floating gently to the ground. He helped the shaking boy to his feet, 

“Steven!!! What the f―heck!” he dragged his hands down his face, “I told you to wait for us!” 

Steven sheepishly stuck his hands in his pocket, “I didn’t…I didn’t want to wait…” 

Nora made a series of noises ranging from incredulous to very incredulous before he sputtered out, “Oh my god, I was a lot to handle, huh!” he scoffed, kneeling down, “Are you hurt?”

“No.”

“Steven.”

“Yes. My leg really hurts, I hit it on the pole thingy and it feels funny…” he huffed, he shuffled closer to Nora. His leg dragged behind him just enough for Nora’s heart to break. Pearl gasped, 

“Oh, he’s hurt!” she wailed, “Should we get Greg or Connie’s maternal figure? She’s a human doctor, yes? It could be _broken!”_

“Pearl.” Nora gave a ‘time-out’ signal, “It’s fine, I got this.” he twisted back towards Steven taking his hand and planting a quick kiss in the middle of it. The area sparkled then settled, Nora smiled, “Okay, now move your leg.” He did with seemingly no trouble, his starry eyes in full effect. Nora clicked his fingers, “Bingo bongo, good as new!” 

“Thanks…” he nervously placed his hands on his waist, “sorry for being stupid.”

Nora grimaced then quickly covered it with a small smile, “No apologies, you aren’t stupid.” 

“Steven.” Garnet spoke up, “What you did was very irresponsible and dangerous, yo―”

“He knows.” 

Suddenly, the basement felt like it plummeted 20 degrees, whether it was Garnet’s Sapphire showing or from the triple death glares he was getting from the Gems―he didn’t know for sure. 

Usually, he’d never interrupt Garnet. He shuddered to think about doing it to _his_ Garnet, but this was to save the poor kid from yet another lecture where they emphasized just how much of a screw-up he was. He _knows_ he’s a screw-up, he doesn’t need to hear it from the three most important people in his life. 

Amethyst rolled her eyes, “Alright, whatever. Let’s do this Together Breakfast thing, right, Steven?” 

“YEAH!” he scurried over to the Gems, Garnet gently picking him up and placing him on the flattest part of her hair. Nora could almost laugh at the sight, Garnet hadn’t done that to him in years. He was too big to be carried around like he used to be but it sure didn’t stop most Gems he met from picking him up and holding him at arm’s length like a wet cat. Bismuth did it the most, whenever he got too close to some bubbling cauldron he’d be quickly swiped up and moved away. He may be an intergalactic diplomat but it didn’t save him from being scooped up like a misbehaving toddler at a moment’s notice. The Gems started towards the exit, Steven called back, “C’mon, Nora!!” 

“Coming!” he pushed off into the air again, floating up to the ledge where the exit sat. From up there he could see almost all the corrupted Gems, peacefully held in stasis; he could even _recognize_ a few! He could see Blue Lace Agate, Biggs Jasper, Crazy Lace, Bixbite, and, of course, Nephrite (he called her Centipeetle still, she didn’t seem to mind). Her green Gem floated close by to the bubble bag of Chaaaaps he left for her. “See you soon.” he whispered just under his breath. 

The exit door suddenly split open, the Gems pushing past him to enter the beach house. Nora gave a quick air kiss to the bubbles then joined them, the door shutting behind him. 

“Alright, let’s get it goin’!” Steven beamed, jumping off Garnet’s hair and running over to the countertop, “Okay! I’ll do the strawberries! Amethyst, can you do the waffles?”

“Sure thing, dude!” she grinned, shapeshifting into a ball and bouncing over to the countertop, “Just put ‘em in the burn thing, right?” 

“The toaster.” Steven and Nora corrected, Steven pointed at him, 

“Jinx!” he pulled a carton of strawberries from the fridge, “This is gonna be the biggest Together Breakfast _ever!_ Because we’re all together and there’s double me! Garnet, could you pop a _buncha_ popcorn? You’re the best at it!” 

“I try.” she said with a smirk, going over and grabbing a handful of popcorn packets from the cupboard. 

“And Pearl…” Steven’s focus drifted, his face brightened, “Oh, it’s Sadie! Hi, Sadie!!” he plopped the strawberries onto the cutting board then went to open the door where Sadie was awkwardly waving through the screen. He opened the door, “Hello!” 

“Hi, Steven…uh…sorry for interrupting.” the blonde worried her bottom lip, she was dressed in her Big Donut uniform and had flour and icing speckled on the violet fabric, “Can I talk to Steven, please? Or…” she pursed her lips, “gosh, what did he say his na―Nora! Can I please talk to Nora, the other you?”

Something in Steven dimmed. Nora’s stomach dropped violently, “Me? Why?” 

“...You left something at Sour Cream’s house.”

“I did?” his eyes widened, _what did he leave?_ He had so much stuff in his pockets: Official messages from the Diamonds, schedules for Little Homeschool, his checklist for things to do when he gets back (a lot of which involves Connie), ticket stubs from Sadie Killer shows―any of those falling out could mean disaster! 

“Yup. C’mon, it’s in my car.” she propped the door open leaving a Nora-sized place for him to sneak through, “Shouldn’t take long.” 

“Um…sure, uh.” he nervously wrung his hands together, finally moving from his spot and getting closer to the exit. He turned back to Steven who had an enigmatic expression―which was odd, he didn’t really _do_ enigmatic when he was Steven’s age; everything he felt was written on every part of him plain as day, “I’ll be right back, Steven.”

“Okay, Nora.” 

_Something was off._

The door shut behind him and the Crystal Gems resumed their tasks, leaving just him and Sadie on the porch. She beckoned him towards her car that was parked in the middle of the beach, “Just over there.” 

Nora narrowed his eyes, it was definitely Sadie’s car but something else caught his attention―he could see Buck, Sour Cream, Jenny, and Lars all squished into Sadie’s backseat looking to him expectantly, “Sadie.” he groaned, Sadie cringed. 

“I know! I’m sorry for tricking you, you just ran out and we were worried and―”

“I’m fine, Sadie. I was just…overwhelmed last night.” 

“You look overwhelmed now!”

He scoffed, “I’m four years in the past, who wouldn’t be!?” 

She started down the stairs, pinching the skin between her eyebrows, “Steven, please just talk to us, okay?”

“There’s no reason to.”

“Really? Should I just go ask your _moms_ in there about all this stuff about your mom and Pink Diamond or whatever her name was?”

“Keep your voice down!!” he yelped, he looked over his shoulder into the kitchen where Steven was adding strawberries atop the first complete Together Breakfast while Amethyst sprayed whipped cream directly into her mouth much to Pearl’s disgust and Garnet’s amusement―they hadn’t heard her, Nora sighed in relief, “Okay, I’ll go with you but I can’t be gone long. We’re making breakfast-slash-brunch.”

“Yeah! No problem, we just want to talk.” 

They reached Sadie’s car, she got into the driver’s seat while he slipped into the passenger’s seat. The backseat occupants gave him a sympathetic smile, Sour Cream placed an awkward hand on Nora’s shoulder, “Sooo…how ya doin’, man?”

“I’m okay.” 

“Last night, huh?”

“Yup.” 

Buck tried next, “Guitar Dad. Haven’t seen one of those in a while.” 

“Steven had one. I don’t really fit any of his stuff. The Steven you know, I mean.” 

“Where’d Nora come from anyways?” Lars questioned, peering between the front seats, “I thought you’d go by, like, Steven 1 or Steven 2.” 

“I…” he paused, the name had just been the first thing that popped in his head, strangely. It was from _somewhere_ , he knew that but he just couldn’t placed _where,_ “I don’t really know.” 

“Alright, cut to the chase.” Jenny poked her head out, “We’re worried about you, Steven. You’re never like _this!_ Steven Universe isn’t sad and angry!” 

He sneered, the expression felt weird on his face, “I’m not _angry_ , I just have a lot on my plate.” 

“What about the ‘sad’ part?” Lars raised an eyebrow, “I mean, did something happen? Did somebody die or something?”

“No! No! Nobody died, everybody’s…everybody’s alive.” Nora exclaimed, almost laughing at the irony of the question. “I promise everybody is alive.”

“The more you say it, the more I think you’re lying, Steven.” 

Nora offered a lopsided smile, “I’m not, I’ve just had some…close calls.”

“You’ve almost died?!” Sadie gasped, “Steven!! How?” 

“Do you want a list?” he chuckled, the silence that followed reminded him that he wasn’t in his own time, where jokes about his numerous near-death experiences were pretty typical of him. “Look. I know I’m different, I know I’m not always-happy-starry-eyed Steven right now, but I can’t really change it. I have a lot riding on me in the future; when I was 14, I dismantled an entire dictatorship and I’m still trying to teach the dictators― _my aunts―_ how to be decent people. If I slip up, if I break down even for a second, everything could fall apart. I run a school for Gems and I was doing _great_ but now, I don’t know, I’m slacking and I’m not as good at helping people as I used to be and so many people are looking up to me and sometimes it’s like” he blew a raspberry, hands tightening around the seatbelt, “ _fuck me,_ right?” 

“Okay, no, I don’t like this.” Jenny shook her head incredulously, “It is _illegal_ for you to swear, Steven! I don’t…you…”

“You’re gonna crash and burn if you keep this up, man.” Sour Cream squeezed his shoulder, “You’re seventeen, you don’t have to do this alone.”

“Yeah,” Sadie said in a near-whisper, “can’t you talk to future- _us_ about this? I’m sure we’d be happy to help.”

An all-too-familiar bitterness rose in his throat, “No. I can’t.” he spat, “Because everybody left, it’s just me now. It’s always gonna be just me.” 

“Left _where?”_

“To better things! To do what they want to do! Everybody has a future except me!” his voice strained, he fought to keep from yelling, “I don’t know what to do with my life because I finished my whole reason for existing at **_14!_ ** _”_ ****

Sadie gasped, “Steven!”

Nora placed a bright pink hand on his mouth, frantically looking around at the shocked faces around him, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he opened the car door and scrambled out, the color still dying his skin, “I…I’m sorry. Please don’t try and talk to me again, I can…I can do this myself.”

“You don’t have to!” 

Frustrated tears filled his vision, tinged pink. Without a word, he stalked back to the house, ignoring calls of his name from the car. He looked up to the house, hearing the sounds of Steven singing some cute little song, egged on by the encouraging voice of Pearl. He wiped at the tears as the Pink faded, silently making a resolution. Whatever it took, even if it was the last thing he did―Steven would never end up like him. 

* * *

The Together Breakfast was predictably disgusting, not even Amethyst could make it through an entire stack before she pushed the plate away. Steven was delighted all the same, he had talked and talked about whatever crossed his mind while the Gems half-listened and Nora gave it his full attention. He had managed to clean himself up in the short walk from Sadie’s car to the door so when he entered he wore a lazy grin and it didn’t look like anything had happened at all; he helped Steven construct the rest of the meal even managing to make some light small talk with the Gems before they reverted back to being weird with him. At some point, he’d even managed to change back into his regular clothes, happy to have some sort of normalcy in the situation. 

They had sat at the island with Nora standing up on the other side and pretending to enjoy the sugary concoction long enough for Steven to be satisfied. Even though Nora had somehow scammed his way into getting just two waffles with no popcorn and extra strawberries―it hadn’t been enough to downplay how worryingly bad the dish was. But they had had fun, or they had as much fun they _could_ have with the Gems sending him suspicious looks with every move he made. 

Eventually, they gave up the ghost and declared the meal finished. Pearl stood to collect the dishes, Garnet went to check something in her room, Amethyst griped about how full she was, and Steven had hopped off his stool with an excited expression, “We’re done with breakfast-brunch! You know what that means, Nora?!”

“No…?” 

“You said you’d teach me how to summon Mom’s shield!”

“ _Your_ shield.” he corrected, none of his powers were _her’s_ anymore. The correction didn’t impede Steven’s excitement,

“Right. My shield! Let’s go!” he grabbed Nora’s hand with a vice-like grip, Nora felt some satisfaction in his chest, “This is gonna be so much fun!”

“Wait!” Pearl’s voice exclaimed, the two turned to face her. She steepled her hands, “If you two are sparring…at least let one of us supervise you.”

“I got it.” Amethyst stuck her hand up with a smirk, teasing, “It’ll be fun to see Little Steven get his _butt kicked_.”

“Amethyst.” both of them whined/groaned. 

“I kid. I kid.” she waved off their indignation, “Let’s go, Steven-squared!” She peeled herself out of the chair, “Hey, if you’re lucky, I’ll even let one of ya spar with _me!”_

“Amethyst!” Pearl snapped, “Do not! He’s not ready.”

Nora shrugged, “I’ve sparred with all of you at some point, Pearl, s'no biggie.” 

The purple Gem grinned, “Oh ho ho! Big man!” her form glowed and distorted until it faded to show her in the form of Purple Puma, she scooped Steven up and set him on his shoulder, “You got some shoes to fill, eh, Steven!” 

Steven nodded, resting his head in Amethyst’s massive hair, “I know.” 

* * *

“Okay, Steven, you just gotta―” he stuck his arm out, his shield formed, “y’know?” Steven mirrored him, nothing happened. Nora unsummoned his shield, “Uh…maybe more like…” he swung his arm around with more of a flourish, the shield appeared. Steven did the same, nothing happened, “Huh…”

“Oh, my god, you’re a worse teacher than _me!”_ Amethyst cackled from her perch on top of the stone hand of Obsidian. Nora rolled his eyes, 

“I’m trying! I don’t really know how to _teach_ myself how to use my powers―they just kinda _show up!”_

Steven dragged his foot in the sand, forming wobbly lines, muttering dejectedly, “So, do I just have to wait?”

He shook his head with fervor, “I just _mean_ nobody taught me before, but you have me to help you! I’m sure we can do it together.”

“Hm!” he faced Nora again. 

Nora thought for a moment, “Okay. So. All of our powers are tied to our emotions―it’s, like, crazy annoying but you’ll get used to it. But it’s helpful when you’re figuring your powers out, our shield and our bubble are both tied to us being protective, okay?” Steven nodded, following every word, “So, think of something or someone you want to protect.” 

“Like Connie!”

He clicked his fingers, “Connie’s a perfect example!” he knelt down so he was on Steven’s level, “Remember how our bubble popped up when we were trying to protect Connie? It’s just like that! Look…” he shut his eyes, thinking about Connie―how much they’d done together, how much he wanted to make sure she was safe, how much he missed her. A weight formed on his arm, he opened his eyes to his shield, “there we go!” 

“I got it, yeah!” Steven screwed his eyes shut, pushing his arms out in front of him. Amethyst snorted, Nora glared at her. He groaned after a moment, “It didn’t work…”

“Ah…uh…” he couldn’t let Steven give up, he could do it with enough practice, “What about…a, uh, demonstration!” Steven cocked his head to the side, “Me and Amethyst are gonna do a little fake battle where my only goal is to protect _you_ and you’ll be able to see how it works when you’re actually facing off against somebody.”

Amethyst whooped, “Oh, _finally_ , some action!” she hopped down from her perch, cracking his knuckles, “Yeah, Steve-O, this could help. You seein’ me whoop future-you’s behind might jumpstart somethin’ in ya!” 

Nora snorted, pushing Steven behind him and facing Amethyst, “Whatever.”

“I won’t hold back, big man!” 

“Cool.” he shrugged off his jacket, “Neither will I.” 

Amethyst gave a wicked grin, summoning her whip and holding in taut between her hands, “Just how I like it!” 

She sent her whip for him, the tongue lashing at him as he dodged away. His shield appeared on instinct, he flung it away from him, sending it flying into Amethyst’s face. She ducked at the last second, snapping her whip again at his feet, it’s barbed leather curling around his ankle. He yelped, she lunged forwards turning into a purple blur as she barreled towards him; the whip tightened, he pushed off into the air, summoning another shield, aiming its sharpened edge for the whip. He wasn’t fast enough, she pulled the hilt, sending him crashing onto the beach. 

“Nora!” Steven gasped, Nora put his hand out, 

“Steven, it’s fine!” he coughed out, wiping the sand from his mouth and floating into the air again. Amethyst cracked the whip, Nora hissed in pain as it cut against his arm. No time to heal it; he fell back to the ground, summoning two shields and throwing them at her at full speed. The first hit her in the stomach while the other clocked her in the forehead, she groaned. Sending the whip to wrap against his midsection, it dug into the fabric of his shirt, she yanked the hilt sending him sideways onto the sand again. Nora gripped the whip, ignoring how painful it was to actually hold it, he summoned yet another shield and cut the whip in half. Amethyst looked shocked, the hilt turning to sparkles in her hands. Her eyes narrowed, summoning two whips and snapping them at his feet, making him scatter away. Steven watched the two of them, his eyes flicking back and forth, 

“Guys!! Be careful!” He pleaded. 

Amethyst huffed, giving one hefty crack of her whips, sending bright purple flames racing towards Nora. He yelped, putting up his bubble to avoid the blast. She smirked, stalking closer to him with a triumphant stare. 

_“Amethyst!”_ the two looked up to see Pearl and Garnet stationed at the porch with respectively characteristic panic and uncharacteristic apprehension written on their faces, Pearl called over the balcony, “I said _no sparring!”_

“Aw, c’mon, P!” she unsummoned her whips, Nora let his bubble down, taking a break to catch his breath, “We’re just having fun, it’s totally chill. It’s all jokes, look: Hey, Nora,―” her arm glowed, her shapeshifted hand slinking closer and closer to him. He braced himself for what could come next: a noogie, a flick to his nose, a repeat of that one time she slapped him in the crotch because she saw it on TV somewhere (PLEASE not that one). Instead of all of those options, she cheekily lifted his shirt and― 

And she― 

Her fingers _(black talons)_ gazed against his gem _(his diamond)_ lightly _(pulling, she was pulling),_ a sensation ran up his spine _(Stop! Stop!),_ his eyes widened _(I’m not her, please listen to me!),_ he felt like _(she was PULLING)_ the ground was pulled out from his feet _(SHE WAS PULLING)._ Amethyst smiled, “Got your gem!” 

_(He split)_

… 

He’s not really sure what happened next.

He just…shut off…for just a second. 

Then he was back, the sun beading down on him and the sound of waves crashing against the sand but…but he was holding Amethyst’s shirt now. His arm was up, a bright and shiny shield with a razor-sharp edge pointed directly at Amethyst’s chest―at her _gem._ And she was looking at him, with eyes the size of the smallest particles of sand. He blinked, once, twice, then he gasped, “Oh, my god.”

“Nora!” Steven was behind him, pulling at his shirt, “What are you doing?!” 

His shield evaporated, he let go of Amethyst, letting her fall onto the sand heavily. She was still looking at him, inching away slowly like he was just a moment away from attacking…again.

“I…” he backed up, his entire body threatening to give in and just collapse, “I don’t know why I…I don’t know why I did that. I’m sorry, I-I’m so sorry.” 

Suddenly, he was running. He was running away somewhere, somewhere that wasn’t that beach. Just somewhere. His shaking hands found their way to his stomach, searching for his gem. It’s there.

It’s always there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the Teens™ whenever they try to get thru to Nora and he just fuckin bolts: am not against Gay s . But you are all so Anoying . God bles .  
> \-----------------  
> all Nora is is the human form of mitski's entire discography


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back again bitch!  
> the newest leak shortened my lifespan by 17 hours, full stop
> 
> also ya girl's on break so expect another chapter later this week girls, gays, and theys  
> (( cw for a description of a panic attack <33 ))

7

Garnet moved to help Amethyst up from where she was still sitting, wide-eyed at the space Nora had occupied. Her ruddy red hand adorned with one of her maroon-tinted gems reaches out for her, Amethyst takes it and hoists herself up mumbling just under her breath, “Okay. I get it now.” 

The sun glinted off Garnet’s visor.

Steven let out an anxious breath once she fully stood up, “Amethyst, are you okay?”

“Yea. No thanks to your psycho double,” she spat, sticking close to Garnet, “weirdo was about to  _ shatter me!”  _

His breath caught, he wasn’t sure what ‘shattering’ was but it sounded bad, “He wouldn’t do that!”

“You saw ‘im! He was  _ aiming  _ for my gem.” she dusted sand off her clothes, “He  _ asked  _ to spar with me―right, Steven?” he nodded, “We both said we wouldn’t hold back and he was playing fair but then― _ boom! _ ―the second my back is turned, he  _ lunges at me!  _ He’s a dirty fighter, you all saw it!” 

Steven inched closer to her, not daring to move his hands from his sides, “H-He looked scared. He said he didn’t mean it.”

“ _Stop_ making excuses for him, Steven!” Amethyst exclaimed, anger entirely visible on her round face; Pearl joined them on the beach, “He’s, like, fifty years older than you―you shouldn’t make excuses for people older than you, doofus!”

“ _ It’s what I’m good at, apparently!”  _ his hand clapped over his mouth once he truly registered what he had said, Amethyst’s owlish expression turned to him. He felt Garnet’s attention and Pearl’s apprehension focused on him, 

“What’s  _ that  _ ‘posed to me?” Amethyst sneered, Steven swallowed hard. He got closer to the trio again, his path impeded by a single pink object crumbled in the sand―Nora’s jacket, he had forgotten to grab his jacket. Gingerly, he scooped it up, holding it close to his chest. 

“Nora…Nora’s just been talking to me about stuff.” the Gems visibly stiffened, “About apologizing too much and, I dunno, maybe he’s…maybe he’s  _ right?  _ Dad said that too about me apologizing. _ ”  _

Pearl eyed the jacket, “Steven. Has Nora said anything…out of the ordinary to you? Anything you think we should know?”

Almost everything Nora had said, almost everything he  _ did  _ was out of the ordinary: All that stuff about their mom not being a good person, how he went all pink when he was upset―he had just that morning, while he held Steven’s collar; the neon glow rising from his fingers before it faded―hopefully he didn’t know that Steven had noticed―how he casually mentioned that he had been out of town for  _ two years _ , all his slip-ups where he blushed then begged Steven to promise to keep it to himself. All of Nora was out of the ordinary. 

“Not really.”

It didn’t feel good to lie. He never lied, Nora did most of the time whether with his words or with his smile; Steven could always tell, if anything he knew what his face looked like when he was lying. Steven didn’t lie because he wasn’t good at it, evident by the Gem’s frowns only deepening. Garnet knelt, placing a hand on his shoulder, “Steven. You can trust us.” 

“I-I know.” He clutched the jacket tighter, “Do you trust  _ me? _ ” 

“Of course we do.” her grip tightened, “This may be hard for you to comprehend but...you cannot trust Nora. He might not be you at all.” 

“What?! He has Mom’s―I mean,  _ my  _ shield! You saw!” 

“It could be some sort of trick.”

“No, i-it’s not!” his nails dug into the fabric of the jacket, “He wouldn’t trick us like that!”

Amethyst sneered, “Dude. He’s lied to us, made you keep secrets, he’s  _ super  _ dodgy about the future, and suddenly he has all these new powers? It’s  _ weird!”  _

“Wha―I―” his brows furrowed, something fiery in his chest sparked to life, “You guys  _ want  _ me to be stronger! Nora  _ is  _ and you guys are  _ mad at him!?  _ I-I don’t understand, what do I have to do to prove myself to you guys!? When am I a  _ real _ Crystal Gem!?” 

His voice echoed across the beach, repeating over and over until it was lost to the rolling waves. He inhaled sharply through his nose, wiping at frustrated tears that blurred his vision. The fire extinguished, he looked down to the sand. The Gems looked between each other, their mouths slightly agape. 

“Steven…” Pearl uttered, “of…of  _ course  _ you’re a Crystal Gem. Nora, he…” her hand went to her mouth then relaxed back to her side, “he may be involved with Gems that aren’t like us. Gems that want to harm Earth, harm  _ you _ . We just want  _ you  _ safe.”

Steven thought about her words for a moment, why would other Gems want to hurt Earth? Why would they want to hurt him? He didn’t understand, but that wasn’t much of a surprise. All he knew was that Nora was  _ him  _ and he was Nora, and he wanted the Earth safe. He took the jacket and slipped it’s too-big sleeves onto his arms, “I want to know what’s going on. Please.” 

Pearl’s hand went back to her mouth, Garnet spoke, “There’s a lot we haven’t told you, Steven. About where we come from and what we did to get here; one day you’ll know everything hopefully―everything and more. Things about your mother and the people she fought against so that we could live in peace, so that  _ you  _ could exist. You’ll know how brave and selfless your mother was one day and everything she did to save us.”

_ ‘I just know a lot more about her than you do, kid. Not all of it is good.’ _

Steven bit his bottom lip, “Nora knows about Mom.” the temperature seemed to plummet, “He says he knows a lot more than I do.”

Pearl tensed up, her every movement ceasing at once, “What did he say to you?” 

“Just that, I promise. He just knows about her and he knows that…that not everything she did was  _ good _ .” 

“He’s lying to you.” 

“I-I don’t think he is.” the tension pressed down on him, “I know that she was kind and saw beauty in everything a-and I love her but…I don’t really know  _ her.  _ I talk to her painting a lot but that’s really just me talking to her ghost, kinda. All I know about her are pieces from you guys and Dad…shouldn’t I take the chance to get more pieces? Even if they’re bad?”  __

“We want you to know about Rose Quartz,” Garnet asserted, “but the information Nora may have could be tainted, biased by the people your mother fought against.” 

“Who?” 

Garnet looked away from him, exhaled and looked back, “They’re called the Diamonds.” Amethyst looked down, Pearl placed a hand over her mouth, “They’re shatterers, dictators, manipulators: They’d come to Earth and destroy everything on the surface. Anybody associated with them means only harm for us and this planet, a Diamond on Earth means that we’ll have to fight for everything on Earth―every human, every animal, every inch of ground―again.” 

Amethyst crossed her arms, “They’re really bad Gems, man. They’re really pissed at your mom.” 

“Amethyst, language!” Pearl chided, she sighed, “It’s true, though.” 

“But why?” he hiked up the sleeves of Nora’s jacket, “What did Mom do to the Diamonds?” 

“What she had to.” 

Another lull. The four of them waiting to make the next move, to say the thing that’d get their point across. And how different points they were, one side prosecuting and the other defending with no evidence other than his feelings. Steven stood opposite them, only moving to keep Nora’s jacket from slumping off his body. It felt like something was dragging him down, like if the Gems stared at him any longer he’d just disappear. 

They weren’t telling him something. He should be used to that by now. 

He looked in the direction Nora had run: He was nowhere in sight. Not like he would be able to talk to him about the situation, he didn’t want Nora to feel like the Gems didn’t trust him. Family shouldn’t fight, it wasn’t right. Steven moved to keep the jacket from slumping off his shoulders, 

“I-I’m gonna go look for him.”

“I wouldn’t, man.” Amethyst shook her head, “He doesn't really seem stable.”

“And that’s why I’m going to help him” he thought back to their conversation the night before, Nora insisting that he wasn’t Steven’s responsibility when all Steven wanted to do was help. 

Why didn’t Nora want  _ help?  _

Steven whistled and, mercifully, Lion padded over to him without any resistance. He mounted his fluffy pink pet,

“I-I’ll be back soon with Nora.” he promised, “We can talk about  _ everything  _ and it’ll all be okay.”

Pearl kept her eyes on him, “Steven…” his name hung in the air but the full meaning of it was loud and clear. 

He held onto Lion’s mane and pulled a small, fragile smile, “I’ll be right back.” 

* * *

Nora was really sure where he was going, all he knew was that his heart felt like it was going to burst and every breath made his chest ache. He just needed to get away from the beach, from the Temple, from the Gems…

From Steven. 

Everything had happened too fast for him to take control of the situation, he had completely stepped out of consciousness and when he stepped back in he was waist deep in trouble. All he’d managed to do was stammer out an apology before he made a break for it. Part of him urged him to go back―a shaky apology wasn’t enough, he knew it wasn’t enough; he should take a breath, calmly walk back to explain in some vague way that Amethyst touching his gem had triggered a memory. A very bad memory. Maybe then they’d understand a little bit more and, hopefully, not push him for more information. 

But he couldn’t. 

The  _ thought  _ of him going back and having to explain why he’d reacted that way without shutting down at the memory of splitting made him want to throw up. He just needed to run somewhere and get his head straight or he’d run the risk of going Pink in front of the Gems, which would be a definite game over. His sandals slapped against the boardwalk then against the cement as he ran further and further away from the scene of the crime―he’d come back eventually, once he was able to form a coherent thought unshaken by panic. 

By then Steven would probably have it sorted. Hopefully. 

That or the Hourglass would finally work and he’d simply disappear. The Gems,  _ his  _ Gems, had never brought it up to him in the future so apparently Steven would eventually bring them back from the edge.

He was really good at that. 

Eventually he slowed, he wasn’t entirely sure where he was but it was quiet, calm, and overlooked the beach. The buttercups that peeked out from the ground swayed in the light spring breeze, the idyllic nature of it mocked him. It wasn’t working, nothing was working, it was so hard to breathe, he couldn’t―he couldn’t― 

He gasped out a breath, collapsing onto the grassy cliff. 

_ Connie told you what to do when you panic,  _ his internal monologue prompted in a rare moment of helpfulness,  _ breathe and count.  _

_ 1…  _

_ 2…  _

His throat seized up, he let out a broken cry. 

_ Okay, okay, try again.  _

_ 1…  _

He coughed―he couldn’t force himself to keep a steady stream of air going into his lungs because it felt like they were folding into themselves or filling with thick water that choked him up every time he gasped out. Static took over his every sensation, he resorted to gripping the grass beside him for some assurance that he was, in fact, still alive and present.

_ Get it together.  _

He sobbed, trying to blink away fat tears that had begun racing down his cheeks. God, why was he so  _ pathetic!?  _ Jasper was right―he was absolutely and totally pitiful, running to hide and crying his eyes out instead of facing the situation like a real Gem would do, like a real  _ Diamond  _ would do. 

The tears took up the color of his skin as he turned bright Pink. Of course,  _ of course!  _ He couldn’t do  _ anything  _ right, he couldn’t even control this stupid power; all he wanted to do was take care of Steven and here he was hiding away while Steven had to clean up the mess. 

While Steven picked up the pieces…and made excuses for him… 

_ Oh, my god.  _

His throat felt like it was closed up, his heart drummed in a much-too-fast rhythm that made his vision swim. Breathing was out of the question.

_ You’re doing it AGAIN.  _

And he knew― _ he knew!― _ how much being the Gems’ little peacekeeper messed him up and here he was! Doing it to him  **again** . 

_ You’re awful.  _

The Pink glowed brighter, it hurt to keep his eyes open. He could see the beach from the outlook, he could see the Gems standing opposite to Steven. He could see Steven wearing his jacket. It was too big on him, it was swallowing him. 

Was he talking? Was he slipping right into his role that would eventually lead him to where Nora was right now? 

His chest ached, his vision blurred. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t―

He just couldn’t― 

“Hey, hey!” a warm hand appeared on his back, rubbing it in loose circles; he didn’t have the strength to turn around and see who it was, “Come on, pal, breathe in with me.” Nora nodded, he knew the voice but his thoughts were too scrambled to even begin to place it. “Alright, in through your nose and out through your mouth. One…two…” Nora tried but a sob cut through, 

“I-I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no worries. Let’s try again, take as much time as you need.” the hand pressed against his back firmer, “One…two…” 

Eventually he managed to get through five beats without sobbing, the Pink faded and he could finally take a full breath. The man sighed in relief, “There we go! Okay, I’m gonna go get you some water from my va―”

“Wait.” Nora paused, he finally managed to place the voice. He turned, “Dad?”

Greg Universe’s eyes widened,  _ “STEVEN?!”  _

* * *

Steven first went to the Big Donut―Sadie and Lars liked Nora, maybe he’d come by the grab a cheer-up donut. That’s what he’d do at least and Nora  _ was  _ him so maybe he’d do the same. But maybe Nora didn’t even eat donuts anymore, he obviously hadn’t really liked Together Breakfast despite how many times he’d told Steven that he did a good job on making it. It didn’t hurt to check though. 

Lion came to a stop in front of the storefront, Steven hopped off and ‘parked’ Lion by patting his side twice while chirping ‘beep, beep’―a move that would  _ have  _ to work at some point. 

He walked up to the door and pressed his face against the glass, no Nora in sight. Steven pursed his lips: Well even if he wasn’t there  _ now  _ didn’t mean he hadn't been there before. The bell above the door jingled as Steven walked in, “Hi, Sadie!! Hi, Lars!!” 

The two looked up from the counter, “Oh! Hey, Steven.” Sadie greeted, already getting her tongs out to grab Steven’s usual order (strawberry with yellow sprinkles shaped like little stars), “You here for a donut?”

“No…well, yeah, but I’m also here to ask you guys a question!” 

“What kind of question?” Lars asked, typing something on his phone. Steven hopped up to the counter, 

“Have you guys seen Nora?” 

Both of their movements froze, they shared a look. Sadie blinked, “No…why?” 

“Oh, he ran away. Something happened on the beach with him and Amethyst and he ran off.” he threw his arms out to bring attention to the big pink jacket he wore, “He dropped his jacket, too!” 

“Crash and burn.” Lars murmured, Sadie punched his side. 

“Is he okay?” she asked, grabbing the tongs again and putting the donut into a brown paper bag, Steven nodded but it turned into a shrug halfway through, 

“I think so. I mean, he’s usually okay.” 

Lars snorted, “You sure?” 

Sadie punched him again, Steven raised an eyebrow, “Whaddya mean?”

“Nothing.” Sadie sighed, “W-We’ll look out for him, Steven.” she grabbed the tongs and dropped another donut of the same kind into the bag, “That one’s on the house. Give it to Stev―Nora when you see him, okay?”

“Aye, aye, Sadie!” he slapped the money for his donut on the counter and swiped the bag up, he went for the exit, “Thank you!”

“Anytime, Steven.” she smiled, it was sadder than Steven expected, “You can talk to us anytime.”

Steven blew a raspberry, slipping through the exit, “I know! Bye!” 

Surprisingly, Lion was still outside. He gave Steven a lazy look as he approached, “Thanks for waiting, ya big goof.” he mounted him again, Steven took a pensive bite of his donut, “Let’s try…” he said through a mouthful of donut, “Connie. She  _ really  _ likes him, y’know?” 

Lion purred, then took off in the direction of Connie’s house. 

* * *

“Wow…” his dad said once Nora had explained the whole time travel situation, “so you’re really Steven from the future?” 

“Yup.” he nodded, “That’s me: your ding-dang son.” 

“And what’d you say you’re going by here?”

“Nora.”

His dad snorted, clapping him on the back, “Yeah, I figured. She’d love that―your mother.”

He grimaced, “Sure.” 

“...So, the whole you glowing pink thing. Is that a new power?” 

“Yeah, I can’t really control it yet so it’s kind of annoying.” 

Greg scratched his face, “Jeez, you’re still getting new powers. Hm, how many of those do you have?”

“An annoying amount.” he clicked his tongue, “Well, no, actually most of my powers are fine. Like healing spit and floating and stuff.” 

His eyebrows shot up, “You’ve got your healing powers back!” 

Nora nodded, “Mmhm. Look.” he grabbed the stem of a buttercup and snapped it, he stuck his finger in his mouth then placed it to the severed stem. It sparkled and did nothing else. Nora furrowed his brow and repeated the action―nothing, again. He looked at his hand in confusion, then it clicked, “Sorry. My powers don’t work that well when I’m all…y’know.”

His dad frowned then ruffled Nora’s hair, “I’m gonna get you a water bottle then you can tell your dear old dad about what’s bothering you, okay Stchu-ball?” 

“Y-Yeah. Okay.” 

His heart leapt to his throat. He didn’t know  _ how  _ to explain what happened without falling to pieces like he had with the Cool Kids and Sadie and Lars; he didn’t want to do that to his dad, he didn’t want to do it to anybody. 

He thought back to when he and the Gems had returned from being imprisoned by Jasper and Peridot, how scared Dad looked as Steven explained how close he was to bring brought to Homeworld and how danger was just going to be a constant of his life. Nora looked up to the sky―that was going to happen soon; he didn’t need to add any more stress to his dad’s life, he was going to have more than he ever wanted in due time. 

“Hey, Steven!” he turned around to see his dad coming back with a water bottle in one hand and the necks of two acoustic guitars in the other. “How ‘bout we talk over a lil jam sesh?” 

Nora nodded, passively worrying about the amount it's been since he’d even touched any of his instruments. His dad reached him, handing him a guitar and the water bottle; he sat on the ground and prompted Nora to join him. 

“Hah,” he smiled, “it’s weird to see you big enough to hold that. How old are you, anyways?” 

“Seventeen.”

Greg grinned, “You’re almost an adult!” 

“Nearly!”

“That’s incredible!” he began playing a lilting melody, “So, what are you up to, Mr. Adult? Any exciting things happening in the future?”

“Ha…um…!” Nora deflected, playing a quick riff he’d remembered, cringing at every sour note. Greg furrowed his brow, 

“Don’t want to talk about it?” 

“It’s not that, it’s just…a lot.”

“Tch, don’t I know it. I just hope I still have all my hair!”

“Eurgh…” 

He laughed, “Ah, thought so.” the two of them fell into a melody, “So, what  _ do  _ you want to talk about?” 

“I don’t know? Nothing? Everything?” 

“I’m not gonna force you to say anything, Little Man.” the wind blew at his hair, the sky turning a pale orange as twilight set in, “We can just sit here and play if you want.”

“Yeah.” he smiled, fixing the positioning of his fingers for the C#m7 chord, “Yeah, I’d like that.” 

* * *

Lion’s warp dropped them off at Connie’s doorstep, Steven giggled at the tingling sensation it left him with―he would probably never get over it. He slid off and knocked on the door, “Connie!! Cooonnieee!!” 

The door opened upon his seventh knock, Dr. Maheswaran opened the door with a curt expression, “Good evening, Universe.” 

“Hi, Dr. Maheswaran!” he stuck his head in the door, waving at Connie’s dad who sat on the sofa, “Hi, Mr. Maheswaran! Is Connie home?”

“Yes.”

“Great! Can she come help me with something?” 

“It’s getting late. Don’t you have to be home soon?”

“I don’t have a bedtime, it’s okay!” he impatiently bounced on his heels, “I need Connie’s help, I’m trying to find somebody.”

“Who?”

“My brother!” Dr. Maheswaran’s eyebrows shot up, “Well, he’s not  _ really  _ my brother. He’s me from the future, his name’s Nora but not really, he’s just going by Nora because it makes things easier―I said we should’ve gone by Steven 1 and Steven 2 but he didn’t want me to draw on him with marker, I think.” 

Her expression only got more befuddled, she sighed and called up to the stairs, “Connie! The Universe boy is here.” 

“Oh!” Connie’s voice came from upstairs, rapid footsteps preceded her entrance. She was still dressed from the day and held her flats in her hands, “Hey, Steven!”

“Hi, Connie! We have to go find Nora, he ran away.” 

She gasped, “Is he―”

“He isn’t on a bus to an apple farm―I checked.” 

“Then where could he be!?” she slipped on her shoes, 

“I dunno, that’s why I need your help.” 

“Of course!” she turned to her parents, “I’ll be back soon! I’ll send you my location every half hour!” 

Dr. and Mr. Maheswaran nodded, Connie pulled Steven through the door. She gave Lion a scratch behind the ear when he padded up to her, “Why’re you wearing his jacket?”

“He dropped it. He and Amethyst got into a fight and he didn’t pick up his jacket before he ran.” 

“Hm.” Connie scratched her chin, “Have you checked the pockets?”

“No…?” 

“They might have some clues,” she reached over to him and stuck her hand in the jacket’s pockets, pulling out a phone, “Bingo!” 

“Nora’s phone! Ooo, future phone!” 

“Exactly! This might help us find him,” she clicked the power button, her face went bright red, “UH…it…it might be better if you handle the phone.” 

Steven raised an eyebrow and Connie deliberately shoved the phone his way, he powered on the phone again and got a blush that rivalled Connie’s. The home screen was Connie  _ kissing  _ him―just on the cheek but  _ still!!  _ Nora was wearing some frilly outfit with pink gloves while Connie wore a blue jumpsuit and held a pretty sword up high. The outfit didn’t phase him…what phased him was that he  _ recognized it _ . Some small part of his brain telling him that he’d seen that pink outfit that framed his gem, that he’d  _ worn  _ it before. 

But when? 

Steven shook off his embarrassment and opened the phone (the code was the same as his: 0815), the home screen picture was replaced with one of him and the Gems smiling at the camera. Nora wore a cool blue shirt and the Gems looked different too―all of them had reformed. Steven furrowed his brow. What happened to cause  _ everybody  _ to poof. He opened his photos, clicking the first one of Nora on a hill with another Gem Steven had never seen. They were both in the air―Nora floating and the other Gem, a green one with cool yellow sunglasses, crouched on the lid of a trash can. 

Steven recognized the location: it was Brooding Hill! He closed the phone despite every fiber of his being urging him to look through  _ everything!  _

“I know where he is!” he announced to a still red Connie, he tentatively took her hand and helped her onto Lion, “Let’s go!” 

* * *

The sky turned a deep purple, stars beginning to dot the expanse that stretched on for forever. Nora plucked at notes on the fretboard, they’d stopped playing real songs for the time being; his dad tilted his head back and took in the salty air and warm breeze. His own anxiety had subsided enough that he felt confident enough to speak without his voice wavering. Nora exhaled, “Thanks for this.” 

“For what?” his dad asked, fingers gliding effortlessly up and down the frets. 

“For  _ this _ . Just hanging out with me…not making me talk and stuff.” 

“Anytime, kiddo.” he nodded, “You can always come to your dad for jam sessions.” 

“It’s not just that, people back in my time always want me to  _ talk  _ about stuff and it’s  _ hard _ because most of the time I don’t even know why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling.” he ran a hand through his curls, “I love them but the Gems don’t really get more human stuff anyways.”

“Well.” Greg put his guitar aside, “I don’t get this whole magical destiny thing, you know that. But I  _ do  _ get this, I get that you’re feeling a little overwhelmed; heck, everybody does at some point, it’s human nature.” 

“I’m seventeen, Dad. You can say ‘hell’.” 

“Aw, language, Ste-man!” 

He chuckled, then looked out to the beach, sighing, “I’m feeling a bit more than overwhelmed.” 

“But you don’t want to talk about it.” his dad finished his thought, Nora nodded sheepishly. “I wish you would.” 

“I know.”

“Hm.” he scooted over to him, pulling him into a warm, familiar hug. “I love you, Steven.” 

The tears started before Nora understood what was going on, nobody had hugged him in a long time, mostly because he rebuffed any attempt in fear it was just another tactic to baby him. He buried his face in his dad’s shoulders, wetting the fabric of his tank top, he held onto the hug for dear life. His dad chuckled, “You’re getting strong.”

He relaxed his grip, “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” he stroked Nora’s hair, “You can stay here with me tonight, kid. If you want.” 

Nora nodded, “Thank you.” 

The familiar sound of humming along with the rush of air broke apart the hug, Nora looked out and Lion’s portal had formed right behind them. That meant Steven had found him. He wiped away any trace of tears and cleared his throat, putting on a placid look; the portal spit Steven, wearing his jacket, and Connie out, both holding on tight to Lion. 

“Noraa!!” Steven grinned, “There you are!” 

“Here I am!” he waved, standing just to be tackled by Steven’s fierce hug, “Oof! Hey, buddy.” 

“I was worried about you! You just ran off!” 

“Yeah, I’m really sorry I shouldn’t’ve left you like that.”

Steven shrugged, “It’s okay!”

“No, It isn’t.” 

Connie joined him, she looked a lot redder than she should’ve been, “H-Hello, Nora!”

“Hey, Connie.” he took in her outfit, another cutesy dress with blue bows around the collar, “You look nice.”

“A-Aha! Y-You do too!” 

Greg facepalmed good-naturedly, snickering. Steven smiled and waved, “Hi, Dad!” 

“Hey, Stchu-ball.” 

“You didn’t need to look for me, Steven.” Nora asserted, “I can handle myself. I’m not your―” 

“Responsibility, I know.” Steven shook his head, “I wanted to! The Gems were saying mean stuff about you and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

Anxiety pierced him again,  _ what  _ had the Gems been saying?

“What ‘mean stuff’?” 

“I’m not really sure what most of it meant. Stuff about you and Mom.”

He bit down the Pink that dared to spread, “Huh. Weird.” 

“Yeah, it was dumb!”

Desperate to change the subject, he clapped his hands, “I’m gonna stay with Dad tonight so you can go home now.” he tried to ignore how Steven’s face fell slightly, “Can you…tell Amethyst that I’m sorry? For the thing I did?” 

“Mmhm!” Lion ambled over, the two kids climbed onto his back. Steven looked down then back to Nora with a shy expression, “See you tomorrow?”

“Definitely.” 

“Okay.” he tangled his fingers into Lion’s mane, his expression pensive, “Hey, Nora?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know who the Diamonds are?” 

His breath caught. 

**_Who told him about the Diamonds?_ **

It was too early for him to know, it was too early for him to have to deal with all the  _ mess  _ that came with knowing about the Diamonds. With  _ being  _ a Diamond. Nora forced an innocent smile, shrugging his shoulders, 

“No?”  ****

Steven’s expression was enigmatic, he inhaled, “Yeah. Yeah, I thought so.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nora: my job is lying to a child. and im employee of the goddamn month 
> 
> next chapter: steven has a dream, but is he the only one in it?   
> (also i see how many sadboy songs i can put into one chapter)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter summary: oh shit.

8

“I mean…we’re the same person…so it’s not really like I’m _snooping…_ ”

Connie pursed her lips, leaning closer to him, “True. But I still think you shouldn’t look at his phone without him knowing.” she tapped her chin, “It’s rude.” 

“But he’s hiding something! I know it!” he muttered under his breath. His best friend adjusted her posture on his bed, turning away from the Gems who sat around the counter downstairs. 

“Do you think it has to do with what Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl said?” Her voice was nearly inaudible, “About the bad Gems and the Diamonds?” 

“No, no.” Steven shook his head, turning the phone over in his hands, “He wouldn’t do that, _I_ wouldn’t do that. Maybe the Diamonds did something to him in the future. Maybe he’s just…scared?” 

“Scared.” Connie repeated, she didn’t look convinced, “And you said you recognized the outfit in the picture?” 

He nodded, “It’s weird. It’s like a memory of a memory. I’ve never worn it but I…I know it.” 

“You think it has something to do with your mom?”

“I don’t know.” 

She bit the inside of her cheek, “Hm…” she pointed towards Nora’s jacket that sat crumpled in the corner, “Was there anything else in his pockets?” 

“I didn’t check...should I?” 

“That’s snooping too isn’t it…”

Steven clicked the phone on again, the home screen just as much as shock as the first seven times he’d powered it on. It would be so easy, just to open his phone and scour for anything that’d relieve the building pressure Steven felt weighing on him. Something to confirm that the Gems were wrong about Nora―that he was still as committed to Earth as Steven was, that this was some huge misunderstanding. He volleyed the phone between his hands, his stormy expression only deepening with each toss. 

He just wanted to know _something_ for himself for once, he wanted to _know better!_

Was there some big magical destiny reason why _nobody_ wanted to tell him the truth? Or was it just because he was _him,_ some pale imitation of his mom―but who knows at this point?! He doesn’t even _know_ her like the Gems and his dad did, like Nora did; he may be an even paler imitation than he thought, so insignificant and small in the shadow of the great (?) Rose Quartz that he’d simply disappear― 

The phone was suddenly pulled from him mid-toss, he blinked, “Wha…”

Connie set the phone next to her then went to the box of tissues on his nightstand, she tugged a couple from the box and handed them to him, “Here.” He gingerly took the tissues and dabbed the corners of his eyes, the corners of Connie’s lips tugged down, “You’re really worked up about this, huh.” It wasn't a question, more of a soft statement that Steven simply nodded to. “My mom says that it helps when you vocalize what’s troubling you.”

“Vocalize?”

“Talk. Say out loud.”

“Oh.” he sniffed, still keeping his voice quiet to avoid the Gems overhearing, “I just…I just want to open the phone. I think there’s gotta be something on it that’ll _prove_ something.”

“What do you want it to prove?” 

“That Nora’s innocent.” 

“What if he isn’t?” 

“What?”

“What if Nora isn’t innocent?”

“H…He…” Steven pulled at his curls, “He is. He has to be.”

“Why?” 

“B-Because.” his leg bounced beneath him, “He’s me.” 

“People change, Steven. I mean look at me in the future!” she grabbed the phone, turning the home screen toward Steven; she pointed towards future Connie, with short hair and a razor-sharp sword (and also the whole kissing thing that excited Steven more than he thought it would for some reason). “Obviously, something changed.” 

“But if Nora i-isn’t innocent” (if he’s as _bad_ as the Gems fear he is, if Steven turns out to be just as much as a screw-up as he knows he is) “but you’re still his best friend…”

“Maybe I changed too.” 

“I don’t want you to.” 

“You can’t really control that, Steven. You can’t control change.” she blew a soft raspberry, “Besides I think I’d go…not-innocent if that meant I could still hang out with―”

“Nora?”

“No, silly. _You._ Nora’s cool and all but he’s best friends with future Connie, _I’m_ best friends with present Steven.” 

His face felt hot all of the sudden, he tucked wayward curls behind his ears, “...You’d really be a bad guy with me?” 

“Hm…maybe I’d _pretend_ to be a bad guy but actually I was working with the good guys and trying to get you back to the right side!”

“Like a double agent!”

“Exactly!” she squished his face, her cool hands felt comforting on his blazing cheeks, “You can’t say no to your best friend!” 

He put his hands over hers. The contrast was nice, pale pink over warm brown, “I don’t think I could ever be on a team without you, I want to always be on the same team…with you.”

“Hah,” she smiled, “me too.” 

“Connie!” Pearl’s voice came from downstairs, “Your mother is outside!” 

She removed her hand from his face, he shoved down the confusion that came with how disappointed he was that she did that. “Okay, ma’am!” 

“See you later?” Steven offered, handing her her frameless glasses that sat on his pillow, she accepted them. 

“Totally.” she stood up, straightening out her dress and slipping on the frames, “Back to my secret identity.” she moved towards the stairs, “And Steven,” she turned back to face him, “whatever you decide to do with the phone, I’ll support you.” 

He cracked a small smile, “Thanks, Strawberry.”

“Anytime, Biscuit.” 

She walked down the stairs, bidding goodbye to the Gems before exiting. Steven watched from his window as she got into Dr. Maheswaran’s car, settling back into bed once the taillights left the beach. The phone sat just a few inches away, mockingly close. He groaned under his breath and hopped off the bed, he could feel the Gems watching him while he went downstairs.

“So…” Amethyst began when he reached the refrigerator, “Nora’s stayin’ with Greg tonight?” 

“Mmhm.” he pulled out a can of apple juice, 

“Did he say why?” 

“No, not really.” he pulled the tab of the can, “He did say to tell you that he’s sorry for what happened earlier.”

“Pft, did he?” 

“Yeah, Amethyst. He meant it.” he made his way back to his room, “He’s really sorry.” 

“Ooooorrrrrr…” she let her voice dip into an almost patronizing tone, Steven sat back on his bed, “is he just sayin’ that because he almost got caught?”

“Caught doing _what!?”_

“Hey, hey. Don’t get defensive. I’m just saying we barely know the guy.”

“Yes, you do.” he took another pointed sip of his juice, “He’s me.” 

Amethyst made a ‘so-so’ gesture, “Ehh…I dunno. He hasn’t been really _Steven-y_ so far. More jerk-y.” 

“Amethyst!” Pearl snapped, the quartz shrugged, 

“Just tellin’ the truth, P.” she nonchalantly waved her hand, “You’re lucky I didn’t say something stronger than ‘jerk’.”

Pearl said something back to Amethyst doing that voice she did when Amethyst was really starting to annoy her to which Amethyst responded in a voice that emphasized how much she didn’t care. Steven wasn’t listening though, he’d already grabbed the phone in his hands and decisively tapped in the passcode, greeted once again with blue-shirt Nora and the reformed Crystal Gems. He swiped over to the photo app, his finger hovered over it.

No. _No._

He trusted Nora, he did. 

He was just being paranoid. 

Sighing, he swiped back over to something more mundane. Music, something non-earth-shattering and neutral, he opened the app and clicked shuffle. The first song began, quick drums and light piano:

_‘My God, I’m so lonely so I open the window to hear sounds of people, to hear sounds of people…’_

Skip. 

Another, more piano:

_‘I ponder of something great, my lungs will fill and then deflate, they fill with fire exhale desire―I know it’s dire, my time today―’_

Skip.

Yet another, more peppy and energetic: 

_‘I hear the voice of a preacher from the back room calling my name and I follow just to find you. I trace the faith to a broken down television and put on the weather and I've trained myself to give up on the past 'cause I frozen time between hearses and caskets,_

_lost control when I panicked at the acid test. I wanna get better.’_

Skip. 

One more, slow piano and a warm voice:

_‘If I could begin to be half of what you think of me, I could do about anything…I could even learn how to love…’_

That one was pretty at least. 

He skipped again, again, and again. Each song just as strangely melancholic or just simply sad as the last (and a pretty angry sounding song with singers that sounded _eerily_ like himself and Connie). A far cry from his own playlist of chiptune filled songs.

“Yo, Steven,” Amethyst called out just as Steven skipped another song ( _‘You’re gone but you’re on my mind, I’m lost but I don’t know why’_ ), “why’re you playing all this _saaaad_ music, is this, like, your thing now?” 

“What, no,” he paused the music, “this is Nora’s playlist. I’d thought it’d be cool to hear music from the future…” 

Amethyst laughed, “Whew, Nora is _messed up_.” 

Steven frowned, shutting off the phone and putting it on his nightstand with a loud _clat_. “I’m going to bed.” 

“Good.” Garnet said, hand gently touching her visor, “You’ll need your rest.” 

The statement felt heavier than it should. Steven slowly nodded, “Yea.” 

“Goodnight, Steven.” she smiled softly, the other two Gems took the cue and began to walk towards the Temple door, 

Pearl chirped, “Sweet dreams, Steven!”

Amethyst shot him finger guns, “‘Night.” 

“We’ll be in the Temple if you need us,” Garnet assured, Steven gave her a thumbs up, “okay, we love you.”

He grinned; even if they were being annoying, he knew the Gems only wanted him safe and happy, “Love you, too!!”

Once all three had left, he fell into his nightly routine of brushing his teeth, washing his face, and slipping into his pajamas. He fell into bed, the stress of the day weighing on him. 

It’d be okay, though. Nora would be back in the morning and he’d explain himself, and everything would be okay. Maybe they could go get pizza together tomorrow! That’d be nice. 

Steven smiled at the thought, shutting his eyes and drifting to sleep. 

✧

What hit him first was how _bright_ everything was. 

The room was mostly greys and blacks but it hurt to look at, the glow the walls and floors gave off burning his eyes. Steven rubbed his eyes, hissing at the light. He blinked until he could stand to keep his eyes open for longer than a second. 

Familiar. Something was familiar. 

He didn’t know what but his feet against the ground brought back murky memories like lightning. 

What hit him second was the yelling. 

A voice was yelling something but it was completely incoherent like it had been jumbled and warped and spat back out. Steven looked up from the gleaming floor, his breath died in his throat and he staggered back. 

Three _giant_ women. Proper giant. 

Taller than Garnet or even Opal. They’d dwarf his _house_ . A yellow Gem with slick hair that came to a point and a sneer on her face, a blue Gem with sad eyes and a loving ( _patronizing_ , something in his head corrected) expression, and a gargantuan white Gem who looked like she could cut Steven in half just with her stare. 

_Familiar._ **_Familiar._ **

His eyes drifted down, confusion rocking him. Nora was there with his back turned. He was the one yelling. 

He was wearing that weird pink outfit he’d been wearing in the picture with Connie, throwing his gloved hands around in sharp gestures. He was angry about something, Steven gathered that, but nothing he was saying made any sense. The giant Gems didn’t seem to understand him either, simply staring down at him. 

‘Nora!’ Steven called, ‘Noraaa!” 

‘She can’t hear you.’ 

He jumped at the appearance of another voice, somebody knelt next to him. She was tall too, not _nearly_ as tall as the other three Gems, with pale pink hair and wearing a copy of the outfit Nora had on. Something in Steven’s stomach twisted. 

‘Who are you?’ he asked. 

‘They don’t get it, Yellow and Blue.’ she sighed, forlorn, ‘Least of all White.’ Nora’s voice grew louder, desperation sneaking into it. Steven cocked his head to the side, he’d never heard Gems be referred to by color―even if he’d only met four Gems total, even Lapis Lazuli went by _Lapis Lazuli_. The pink Gem gently stroked Steven’s hair with her finger, ‘Ah, but you don’t get it either, do you, Starlight?’ 

He didn’t like that nickname. 

His eyes flicked to the three Gems that stood opposite of Nora, ‘Who are they?’ 

‘White, Blue, Yellow, and Pink Diamond.’ 

_Diamond._

Steven’s eyes widened, _these_ were the Diamonds? The Earth-hating dictators his mom had fought against? A chill set in at the thought of fighting against even one of them.

Wait. He could see White, Blue, and Yellow but… 

‘Where’s Pink Diamond?’ 

The pink Gem removed her finger and pointed where Steven dreaded she would, ‘There she is.’ her finger pointed directly at a fuming Nora, ‘Her Radiance, Pink Diamond.’

‘I AM NOT―’ Nora spun around, his words burned up into nothing. Steven’s stomach dropped, electric pink eyes with deep, dark diamond-shaped pupils stared back at him. Nora’s gloved hands flew to his mouth. 

‘ _Steven?’_

✧

He awoke with a start, dread weighing heavier on him than it ever had before. 

_It was just a dream._

The image of Nora―of _Pink Diamond_ ―staring at him with feral eyes burned in his mind. 

_It was just a dream._

The familiarity of it. He knew it, _he knew it_. His shaking hands moved towards his nightstand. 

_It was just a dream._

The pink Gem, her soft voice rang in his ears. The other three Diamonds who could crush Earth in an instant. He put in the passcode.

_It was just a dream._

The brightness of the screen only brought him back to that room, he went over to the photos. He opened the app.

_It was just a dream._

His eyes focused on a flash of color in the collage of photos. He tapped the photo, his chest felt like it was crashing inwards. 

It wasn’t a dream. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dream pink diamond: i think im going to cause problems on purpose :^)
> 
> up next: nora breaks a promise 
> 
> shorter chap but ive been so excited to write this part you have no idea, also i accidentally gave nora the music taste of a midwestern bisexual who's GOING thru somethin (because IM a midwestern bisexual babey!) 
> 
> music referenced (in order):  
> nobody // mitski  
> car radio // tøp  
> i wanna get better // bleachers  
> love like you // rebecca sugar <3 (we all know this one lol)  
> agnes // glass animals  
> (also sneaky ref'd interlude IV by zach callison bc on GOD that shit slaps)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OH SHIT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO THAT TRAILER HUH?  
> IM PASSING AWAY FOR PERSONAL REASONS GOODNIGHT. 
> 
> i have two dads: greg universe and the twelfth doctor, thank you and good morrow

9 

**_“No, no, no, no, no.”_ **

He shot awake, throwing off the thin blanket to try and relieve some of the suffocation he felt. “No, no, no, no.” he sat up in the small air mattress that had been set up for him, pulling at his mess of curls, “It can’t, it couldn’t…”

But it _was._ That was Steven, the _real_ Steven, in his dream. It had to be. Why _else_ would he be there, the dream was already bad enough―trying to get the Diamonds to _listen_ to him through a garbled mess of words while he was dressed like _her_ ―why would his mind put Steven there? Next to _her,_ with her pointing directly at him and declaring him ‘Pink Diamond’, the definite article. He had just been trying to refute it, say with all he had that he _wasn’t_ her, but there was Steven with big, terrified eyes. 

He felt around his space in the van for his flip-flops, he didn’t bother looking for his clothes, his dad’s old band tee and too-big sweatpants would have to suffice. He had to go talk to Steven, he had to go explain himself, he had to go― 

“Whoa, kiddo.” his dad’s bleary voice came through the darkness, his voice was joined with sudden light. Nora squinted, “What’s going on? What’s the rush?” 

“I-I have to go.”

“It’s…” he checked his phone, “it’s 4 am, where are you going?” 

“The beach house, it’s S-Steven, I have to…”

His dad’s eyes widened, already clambering towards the front seat, “Is it an emergency? Is he hurt?”

“No! He isn’t hurt, I-I had a dream.”

“Aw, nightmare? I get ‘em sometimes too, you just gotta―”

“No, Dad. Dreams work different for me sometimes.” 

He scratched his beard, “A magic thing?”

“Y-Yeah, I, uh, I can go into people’s dreams. _I don’t do it usually! Not without permission!”_ he added at the sight of his dad’s bewildered expression, he chuckled, 

“Your mother was one special lady, huh?”

“ _I don’t want to talk about her.”_ he hissed, his voice sounding harsher than he’d meant it to. His dad’s eyebrows knitted together, “Sorry. I’m sorry.” he took a breath, “It’s just that Steven’s got that ability too, it doesn’t really start showing up until a couple months from now but he can still _do_ it, apparently. He was in my dream and he really, _really_ shouldn’t have been.” 

Greg pursed his lips, “...Do I have to have a talk with Steven?”

“Ew! Dad, no, gross! Not like that. It was of future stuff, stuff Steven shouldn’t know because if he _does_ know that means he just got roped into all the disaster that comes with it!” his leg bounced, “He doesn’t _deserve_ that, I at least got a few more months before everything went to _shit.”_

“Steven!” 

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just _bad_ and Steven shouldn’t have to deal with it this early. Once it starts, it doesn’t end.”

A silence settled, his dad stared at him with that same expectant stare he got from Steven, from the Diamonds, from the uncorrupted Gems back home. It made him want to disappear. Dad spoke after a handful of moments, “Tell me what’s going on.”

“I-I can’t.”

“I can handle it, bud.” 

“Dad, I really can’t.”

“Why?”

“I’ll lose control, I can’t talk about _anything_ without losing control.”

He sat up on his mattress, “‘Losing control’? Of what?”

“The glowing Pink thing. It can be pretty” he thought back to the spider web of cracks crawling up the walls of Shell, “destructive.” 

“That doesn’t sound like you.”

“I know.” he flexed his hands. Had Steven woken up from the dream? Or was he still trapped with the Diamonds and their mother in some place he couldn’t comprehend? “That’s why I try to avoid it.” 

“Just give me _something_. I want to help but I can’t if I don’t know where to start.”

“You don’t have to help me.” 

“I’m your dad, I have to help and, better yet, I _want_ to help my son.” another beat, Greg softened his voice, “I’m scared, Steven. This isn’t like you. Growing up is tough, I know but…you sound like you’re barely keeping your head above water, buddy.” Nora didn’t speak, the nervous energy building in him telling him to get out of the van as soon as possible and sprint over to Steven to try and fix what he could. He shifted on the air mattress, pressing his mouth into a straight line. “Are you…talking to anybody about this?” Nora drummed his fingers against his bouncing leg,

“Yes? No?” the silence felt oppressive, “Maybe? I-It’s nothing to worry about.”

“...”

“I don’t…I don’t want to be a burden.” 

His dad gave him an incredulous look, “You’re not a _burden!_ You could never be a burden!” 

“I…hm.”

“Steven,” his dad leaned towards him, “is somebody _telling_ you you’re a burden?”

“N-No. It’s all me.” 

“Is there a reason you think that?” 

“Dad. It’s nothing.” 

“You can tell me anything, you’re not gonna scare me off that easy.” 

Nora huffed, leaning against the padded walls of the van, “...Everybody has really high expectations of me and they’re only getting higher. I’m not…I’m not _Mom_ and the Gems _finally_ understand that but I have to deal with what she left behind, I have to be her kid.”

“The Gems ‘finally’ understand?” his dad parroted, an eyebrow quirking up, “Steven…do they think you’re Rose?” 

He cringes at the name, it’s involuntary but expected, “Sort of. Maybe. I don’t really know what they thought I was, honestly.” he nervously traced the grooves in his palm, “They wanted me to be like mom, that’s for sure. And it, I don’t know, it messed me up, I guess? Mom left this tape for me and I used to watch it over and over again to try and find out clues about what I’m _for…_ I still do sometimes.” his mouth kept moving while his mind drifted elsewhere, “Things are different― _really_ different―in the future and I have to keep up or everything will fall apart. I’m a Gem, I’m a D…a _Rose Quartz_ or whatever. I have to keep up.”

“But you’re human too and that’s all your mom wanted you to be.” Nora looked up from his palms, his dad made room on his mattress with conflicted eyes, “C’mon, take a seat.” 

“Dad. I-I’m fine. I’m coping. I-I have to go―” 

“It was just a dream, right? Steven’s not in any actual danger?” 

“No, but―”

“It can wait ‘til morning, bucko.” he patted the space on the mattress, “This conversation can’t.” 

With reluctant silence Nora moved from his air mattress to his dad’s mattress. 

_You did it again!_ he chided himself, chewing on the inside of his cheek, _You force people into helping you!_

He sat stiffly on the mattress, averting his eyes from his dad’s pleading gaze. Greg placed a stable hand on his back, Nora flinched and then relaxed slightly. 

“Remember when you were ten and you used to go on and on about how excited you were to live with the Gems? You used to come down whenever I went to go work on the house and draw little pictures of how you thought you’d look like: Helping the Gems and protecting the planet.” he sighed wistfully, “Vidalia said you talked her ear off whenever she babysitted, you were just so… _excited._ ” 

“Yeah. I remember.” 

“Mm, that’s why I felt so bad at how scared I was for you to live with them.” 

His eyebrows drew up, “What?”

“I was scared―I _am_ scared―to have you living with them; I know they’re all good people and I trust them, I’ve known them since I was twenty, but they’re still _aliens_ , you know? They don’t have a clue when it comes to human children. I try to be there for you when I can but with the car wash and everything…I just have no idea what’s going on when you’re out of sight.” he exhaled, “I always figured they were going easy on you, I guess. But now?” he pressed his hand closer against his back, “I don’t know.” 

“Well…I…” his mind floundered when it came to deciding what to say, they’d gone easier on him (not easy but _easier_ than they were used to) but he had pushed and pushed and pushed for more. He just wanted to be a Crystal Gem.

“Steven, can you look at me, bud?” Nora obeyed, timidly looking towards him, “I have to ask you a serious question and I want you to give me your completely honest answer, okay?” he nodded, Greg murmured, “Do you think you living with the Gems was worth it?”

It wasn’t the first time he’d thought that question; he had thought about it many times while he stared up to the slatted ceiling alone in a house built for one, resting up from the latest attempt on his life.

Nora considered the question, it wasn’t a simple one. It was one that shifted and twisted around and refused to stay still and reveal its layers. 

He considered every time he’d been forced to pick up Pearl’s pieces and dance around the subject of Rose even though it hurt him just as much as it hurt her; every time he had been made to be the mature one between him and Amethyst, grinning and bearing it even though he wanted to scream like her; every time Garnet had hidden something from him thinking it didn’t infuriate him as much as it did. He thought about how alone he’d been, how many times he’d talked to himself to fill the dead air; it was lonely, it was infuriating, it was dangerous. 

But it wasn’t. Not always.

He considered every time Pearl had tucked him in to sleep, holding him close and calling him her baby; every time he and Amethyst had snuck off to eat junk food and ‘real talk’ (basically normal talk but with a lot more cursing) with each other about events, every time she had tried to cheer him up just by being her and letting him be him; every time Garnet had picked him up and kissed his forehead, every story she’d told him, how she always knew what to do and when he just needed a hug. Every time the four of them had returned from a mission and laughed over a movie while he and Amethyst ate pizza; the image of the four of them huddled on the floor of a Ruby ship, crying in relief in the deepest part of space. 

He considered listening to hour-long rants by Peridot on the relationships of fictional characters, ranting with Lapis about how much everything sucked before they both assured each other that everything would be okay, marveling at Bismuth working in the forge as she tirelessly created better and better weapons. He considered Connie―the beach had been where they met, the Temple had been where they became best friends. He considered all of the uncorrupted Gems walking free in Little Homeschool, a six-thousand-year war finally over.

“Yes.” he said finally, nodding his head decisively, “More than anything.” 

His dad looked confused, “But everything you said…about the pressure on you and things falling apart?”

“Well, yeah, I do have a lot of pressure on me and sometimes it’s…it’s too much but the Gems are my family and I wouldn’t give up a second of my time with them. Good or bad. It’s h-hard for me to talk about this, my feelings and everything, but they haven’t given up on me―and I haven’t given up on them. They’ve changed so much, you wouldn’t believe it, Dad!” he felt a grin spread across his face, “There are new Gems, too, we saved a bunch of Gems from the war, they’re all back and alive and _changing!_ It’s amazing! The Gems always said they aren’t good with change but that’s…that’s not true, they’re good with change―they’re _great_ with change! It’s just me, I guess. Who’s not changing along with them.” he leaned his head on his dad’s shoulder, “The Hourglass, the thing that sent me back, I think it did it because I kind of asked it to. Me and Lapis―yeah, the same one that broke your van, long story―were talking and I was holding it to show her and Peridot―another long story―how it worked. Peridot left the room to grab her phone so it was just me and Lapis, and I can always be more, I dunno, _real_ with Lapis? She’s had it rough. So I was holding it a-and I asked it to send…to send me back to a ‘better place’.” he murmured, “‘When I wasn’t _‘Steven Universe’_ yet but just Steven Universe’ and it sent me here.” 

Greg nodded along to his ramble, “Is there a difference? To _Steven Universe_ and just Steven Universe?” 

“It’s kinda like” he cracked a smile, “the difference between Greg Universe and Greg Demayo.”

His eyes widened slightly, “Alright, point taken!” 

Nora picked at the fluffy blanket beside him, “This whole time I was thinking the past was _better_ somehow, that it had something that the future just doesn’t. Like I was missing something that I left here. That’s not true, though. The past wasn’t _better,_ it was just different. _I_ was different but I’m still the same: Steven Universe, the definite article. Whether that means Steven Universe the Human-Gem hybrid or Steven Universe the savior of the galaxy depends on me.” 

_“The what-now?”_ his dad coughed out. 

He chuckled, “Eh, you’ll see...whoa, what’s that?”

A spot of light caught his attention, something was glowing in his jean’s pocket. Curious, he reached out to the light and pulled his jeans towards him. He dug his hand into the pocket and drew out the Hourglass, glowing softly and swirling in his hands. 

“Wouldya look at that.” Greg marveled. 

“Huh,” Nora smiled, “I guess it’s ready.” he rolled the orb between his fingers, “I can’t go without saying goodbye to Steven or at least explaining myself. If it was really him in my dream, he needs somebody to talk to. Now.”

“Any chance you’ll tell me what the dream was about?” Nora sheepishly shrugged, Greg clapped him on the back, “Ah, tested my luck. But you’re in no shape to talk to him right now.”

“What are you” _yawn_ “talking about?” 

“You should get some rest, you can go talk to him first thing in the morning, okay?” he ruffled Nora’s hair, “Then afterward, I’ll come down to the beach and the three of us can go get some breakfast before you leave.” 

“Yeah, that sounds…” he blinked heavily, “that sounds nice…” 

“Knew that’d win ya over.” 

Nora placed the hourglass back in his pants pocket, sluggishly crawling back to his air mattress. He threw the blanket over himself and hoped for a dreamless sleep. 

“G’night, Dad.”

“Goodnight, Steven.”

* * *

Beach City was always quiet during the morning, just the waves and the forest supplying any sort of noise. It was peaceful, almost perfect, but was ruined by the quick slaps of his sandals against the pavement as he made his way to the Temple. He had taken his dad seriously on the suggestion of talking to him ‘first thing in the morning’, the sun had barely risen over the ocean when he woke up, got dressed, and started running. He wasn’t too far away, only a few more minutes and he’d be at the door of his house.

The Hourglass weighed heavily in his pocket, if he was a bit less brave ( _stupid_ ) he’d just go back and face all the ramifications of actions separated by four years of time. It was odd though, he didn’t remember a _thing_ about the confrontation he was heading to―he didn’t even remember a moment of _anything_ that’d happened in the last forty-eight hours from Steven’s perspective. If he did, he could’ve avoided this whole mess: He would’ve kept his cool when Amethyst grazed his Gem, he wouldn’t have gone Pink when the corrupted Citrine charged for Steven, or, better yet, he wouldn’t have used to Hourglass in the first place. 

It was almost over now, he just needed to talk to Steven and somehow convince him not to say anything to the Gems which was going to be a feat on its own. Garnet and Amethyst finding out about the truth of Pink Diamond before they’d grown as much as they did would be disastrous; Garnet would split (which would only confuse Steven more), Amethyst would lash out, and Pearl would panic, leaving Steven to fix everything and keep his little family from falling apart. 

He hit the beach and slowed his steps trying desperately to dig up any memory of how the conversation went. Once he came up empty-handed he resorted to imagining how he’d get out of it without 1) burdening Steven with problems he shouldn’t have to deal with so soon and 2) turning Pink. Steven would most likely be bursting with energy once Nora walked in with a billion questions about who those Gems were and why he was dressed like that and why the Gem next to him had called Nora ‘Pink Diamond’ _specifically_ after he had assured him that he knew nothing of the Diamonds. 

Nora worried his bottom lip, it’d be tough to give an answer that satiated Steven while keeping everything under wraps. Maybe he’d play to the fact that dreams were _weird_ and didn’t make sense―they were just mixed-up movies _that meant nothing_. Hopefully, that’d be enough to keep everything from collapsing in on itself. 

Finally and all too soon he reached the door. He considered knocking on it but decided to let himself in, the door creaking open with his gentle touch. The house was silent, uncharacteristically so. All sound seemed to be muted and buried in favor of low ambient sounds that surrounded him, soft shadows spreading across the floors and up the walls. 

“Steven?” No answer. He moved forward, deeper into the silent maw of the house. Steven’s bed was empty, “Stev―!” 

He stumbled over something in the center of the floor, he righted himself and looked down to see his jacket. 

His jacket? 

_He’d left his jacket._

Dread settled on his shoulders. He’d been too caught up in escaping to notice that he’d forgotten to grab his jacket from where he’d thrown it off. The dread turned to outright panic once he realized what else was on the floor. 

Every correspondence from the Diamonds he had in his pockets, addressed to him by name and signed by one of the Diamonds. 

_Steven, Starlight, we need you on Homeworld as soon as you can arrive._

_xx White Diamond_

_Steven. Contact us so we can talk about your duties._

_Yellow Diamond._

_Hello, Steven! We miss you!_

_blue diamond ♡_

He hastily scrambled to pick up the papers, shoving them into the pockets of his jeans, any hopes of him going into the conversation with a clear head thoroughly dashed, “S-Steven?! W-Where are y―”

“I don’t understand.” a very small voice called out, Steven shifted from where he had been hiding against one of the crystalline walls of the Warp room. His hair was a mess and he sported dark purple bags beneath his eyes; he clearly hadn’t slept, “I-I don’t understand it.”

“Let me explain, please.”

“You said you didn’t know who the Diamonds were.” he pulled out something from his pocket―Nora’s phone, “Y-You know who they are! You…you’re friends with them!” 

He presented his phone, now sporting a picture of himself and the Diamonds taken by Pearl on his fifteenth birthday. Himself giving a big smile for the camera while the other Diamonds posed gracefully. 

“Steven, _please,_ just let me―”

“No! You…You _lied_ to me! You’re _always_ lying to me!” 

“It’s not like that, you have to believe me.”

“Garnet said they _shatter_ Gems and that Mom fought against them so that I could exist and the Earth would be safe! And you’re _one of them!?”_

“I’m not…” his mouth felt like it was full of sand, he clutched the fabric of his shirt, “I’m not…”

“The Gem in the dream said you were Pink Diamond!”

“S-She was lying.”

“Yeah, you’d know a liar.” 

He inhaled sharply, “Steven, you have to―”

“Was this your mission, your 'duties'? Were you sent back in time to shatter us or something!?” Tears brimmed at the edge of Steven’s eyes. 

“No!”

“Then why are you here?! Are you even me?” 

“Of _course_ I’m you! I-I just did something stupid. I’m going back soon, I just wanted to explain myself to you before I left.”

“Then do it! Because I don’t understand, Nora! What happened to you? To _us!?_ I don’t want this! The Gems don’t want this! _Mom_ didn’t want this!” he bravely took a step towards Nora, voice just as fiery and thick with tears, “What happened to you that _you_ want the Earth destroyed?”

“You don’t understand, I-I can’t tell you.”

“You can’t tell me…?” Steven’s face blazed bright red, he growled, “Nobody tells me _ANYTHING!_ The Gems always tell me I’m too young to know anything about the Gem War or my mom and they’re always hiding stuff from me―a-and you’re no different! I just…” he sniffled, wiping his snot in the crook of his elbow, “I just want to be trusted for once.”

“Steven, I-I trust you.”

“Call Mom ‘Mom’.”

_“What?”_

“You never call her Mom. Do it.” he insisted, his voice warbling. 

“I…” the ‘can’t’ ghosted over his lips, tears dripped off Steven’s chin. The silence pressed down on them, Steven wiped his nose, 

“I defended you! I told the Gems that they were wrong but I just…” he deflated slightly, "The Gems they…they want me to be like Mom. They want me to be as kind and selfless and loving as she was…and I just can’t believe” he stared with bleary eyes, “I let them down this bad.” 

It felt like something had split him again, a panging echo in his chest as he watched Steven silently sob, his entire body shaking. Nora wrapped his arms around himself, “You’re not like Rose, you’re never going to be like Rose. A-And that’s good.”

“So I’m going to be like you? A liar?” 

God, he knew he was brutal when he was tired but this kid wasn’t letting up. 

“I’m only doing it to protect you.”

“ _From what?”_

“You don’t want to know.”

Steven balled his fists, his cheeks bright red, **“YES I DO!** I’m tired of feeling so _useless,_ I’m just some big mistake who’s going to grow up into an even **_bigger mistake!”_ ** Nora gasped ( _had he just seen that?),_ Steven covered his mouth, “Nora, I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean that…Nora?” 

He was frozen. Just for a moment, clear as day, a glint of pink that flashed like lightning against Steven’s iries. Blatant diamond-shaped pupils standing out like crosshairs trained on him. 

_You’re only making him worse. You can’t fix it._

He laughed, a broken, desperate laugh that made Steven’s eyebrows draw up in confusion and worry. 

“Nora?” 

He couldn’t stop, he couldn’t find anything to say. 

“Nora, you’re scaring me.” 

“I-I wanted to help you, I didn’t want you to turn out like me but I―” he took a gasping breath, “I’m only making sure you turn out _worse !”_

“I’m sorry I said that, I-I'm just mad I―”

“No! You’re completely right, Steve-O! You’re one-hundred-percent right!” he swayed on his feet, frustration building up, “I mess up _everything, even you!_ I-I thought I had it all figured out, I thought I just needed to figure out who I am but I _can’t!_ Because I’m Rose’s kid and I’m following her footsteps whether I like it or not.” the energy around him crackled, “I ran from the future just like she ran from Homeworld, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, huh! All I do is mess things up and run! _Of course, I’m her son!”_ Steven took a hesitant step forward, **“I’m the spitting image.”**

“Nora!” Steven froze, his hands immediately going out in front of him, “Y-You promised you wouldn’t.” 

His bright pink eyes widened, the glow emanating from his skin washing over the house. He shook his head violently but the color didn’t fade, “Steven, I―”

The Temple door split open. 

Before Nora could think a barbed whip shot out towards him, wrapping around his bright pink frame tighter and tighter until it restricted his body entirely. A rough tug from the other end sent him to the floor with a hard, painful _thud_. He blinked in surprise as the Gems strode towards him, pushing past a wide-eyed Steven. Pearl summoned her spear, Garnet’s gauntlets blazed into existence, Amethyst pulled the whip tighter. Nora gasped in pain, his mind somehow racing and entirely blank. Amethyst squatted in front of him with a merciless smirk, 

“Yo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that awkward moment when your future self has a mental breakdown in the middle of your living room and is about to get the everloving Shit beat out of him by your three moms #justteenagerthings 
> 
> i also made a very dumb video check it Out! https://youtu.be/bMZZ-PeNI8M
> 
> \------------ 
> 
> just to let yall know i had a lengthy conversation with my friend about steven getting absolutely smoked out by amethyst while writing this xoxo 
> 
> to quote: "they hotbox his car on the way to little homeschool every morning"  
> (i dont smoke we'd don't kill me mom


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: blood!! 
> 
> steven starts to think they've gotten something wrong

10 

_Something felt wrong._

And that wasn’t because he had just watched his future self get taken down by the Gems (well, that was surely part of it) but something felt **wrong** in a more general sense. Nora had lied to him―he was friends with the bad guys...which would make _him_ a bad guy (right? That’s usually how it worked?)...but bad guys didn’t break down in tears, bad guys didn’t ask if he was okay over and over, bad guys didn’t try to teach him how to be _better_ at fighting. 

If Nora’s goal _was_ to shatter Steven and the Gems, he was doing a terrible job. 

He had even _apologized_ to Amethyst, bad guys didn’t _apologize._

Nora looked scared in a very non-bad-guy way―his electric pink eyes flicking between the Gems and his mouth gaping like a dead fish, trying and failing to inch away as Amethyst searched his pockets. Bad guys were supposed to smirk and declare that they could never be beaten when they got cornered by the good guys―Nora wasn’t doing any of that. 

Nora was doing an awful job of being a bad guy. 

Just like how Steven wasn’t doing a very good job of being a good guy. Frozen in place while Garnet grabbed Nora’s shirt collar and sneered, “You work for the Diamonds!”

Nora shook his head fervently, “No! Well, uh, kinda but it’s not what you think!” 

“We heard your whole talk with Steven, dude.” Amethyst snorted, jabbing her finger in Steven’s direction. She held the papers she had snagged from his pockets, “Seems a lot more than ‘kinda’, man! Blue Diamond says they miss you, _White Diamond_ has a little pet name for you; seems serious.” she crumpled the notes, rolling her eyes viciously, “Ugh! I held out for you! Thought Garnet was just being paranoid, but you’re like the Diamond’s golden boy! Did they teach you this party trick?” 

“I can’t control this, Amethyst. I-It happens and I can’t control it.” 

“Yeah, right.” she rose from her squat, turning to Steven, “Did this creep hurt you?” 

“N-No.” Steven shook his head, he couldn’t move from his spot, cowering in the middle of the room. What was he supposed to _do?_ Everything felt _wrong!_

“Good.” she cracked her knuckles, “What’s the plan, G-squad?” 

“Poof him.” 

“ _WHAT!?”_ Steven and Nora gasped. 

“Eh, he’s Pink Diamond, won’t that be, like, hard?” 

“He’s not a Diamond―it’s impossible for him to be Pink Diamond. It’s another trick.” Garnet said, flexing her fingers, “Pink Diamond was shattered eons ago, Pearl saw it herself.” 

Pearl nodded, her lips in a tight line and a haunted expression on her face. The tip of her spear pointed directly at Nora, ready to strike.

“I-I don’t poof. I can’t. Trust me. Pearl…please…” Nora pleaded, Pearl’s grip on the staff of her weapon tightened. Tears began to gather at the edge of his eyes, he blinked forcefully, bracing for impact. 

_“W-wait!”_

The Gems turned to look at him, “Steven?” Pearl murmured. 

He felt like the words were actively fighting him on their way out of his mouth, “Don’t hurt him, h-he’s scared.” 

“It’s an act, bro.” Amethyst insisted, “He’s getting in your head.” 

Behind her, Nora took a portion of the whip in his mouth. 

Steven didn’t point it out.

“He didn’t hurt me. You guys said the Diamonds wanted to destroy me―why wouldn’t he just do it?” 

Garnet stared at him, “They need you alive. At some point…you’ll become him―a pawn for their use. Somehow.”

Nora dug into the flesh of the whip with his sharp canine, pulling at it roughly. 

“But…I…” Steven wrung his hands together, the air seemed so heavy. He breathed out shakily, “don’t hurt him, please.” 

“It’ll be quick.” Pearl whispered, “I-I’ll grab the gem. I’ll do it.” 

The whip tore off in Nora’s mouth, he wiggled off some of his bindings. 

Amethyst scratched her head, “What should we do? Just, I dunno, pull it out?”

Steven paled―could that happen? 

His eyes subtly went to Nora, who was now frantically trying to escape with trembling hands, his eyes wide with tears pouring out. He looked terrified. Steven was terrified that he’d just gotten his answer.

“Don’t!” he exclaimed, clutching the fabric of his shirt, “He was going to explain! I-I didn’t let him, I was mad and I _wanted_ to be mad. It’s my fault!”

Nora grimaced, pausing his efforts for a moment; he locked eyes with Steven and shook his head slightly.

“Bubbling him is the best course of action to keep the Earth safe.” Garnet exhaled softly, “I’m sorry, Steven…I should’ve seen this coming, I should’ve never let him manipulate you. We’ll make it fast, we―”

The floor creaked as Nora jumped up from his bindings, Amethyst’s destroyed whip dissolving away at his feet. The Gems turned to face their now free target, who looked at them like a deer in headlights with tear-stained eyes; he stumbled back, “L-Let me explain.”

“Enough talk!” Garnet barked, she lunged for him. Steven screwed his eyes shut, bracing for the sound of her gauntlets against the hard-light of his shield but instead all he heard was a sharp gasp of pain and a whimper. He opened his eyes wide to see Nora stumble back from his spot, holding his nose. “Get him!” 

Amethyst summoned a fresh whip, it lashed out for Nora’s ankle, wrapping around it tightly. Steven could see the barbs digging into his skin but Nora just stood, cradling his nose and staring off into the distance. Amethyst pulled the whip towards her, pulling Nora to the ground roughly. Nora yelped, finally moving his hands to try and break his fall. 

Steven’s pulse skipped―Nora’s nose was _bleeding_. Bleeding terribly and staining the palms of his hands bright red. Even the Gems faltered, the anger in their faces lessening. 

“Oh, dude…” Amethyst muttered, her grip on the hilt of her whip loosened. 

“I-I’m n-not my mom.” Nora sputtered, his voice thick, “Stop…Spinel, stop, don’t…” 

Steven felt his body move, spurred on by something telling him to just _move!_ He pushed past the Gems who exchanged unsure glances, he knelt next to his shaking no-longer-pink double, “Nora, Nora, are you okay?!”

“D-Don’t drop me, S-Spinel, please…” he curled into himself, blood speckling the floor. 

“Nora,” he shook his shoulder but Nora wouldn’t look at him, “who’s Spinel!? Nora?” 

“Sh-she brought it here to k-kill me…” he sobbed, “I-I don’t get it…I’m n-not her…it’s wrong, everything’s wr-wrong.” 

Pearl took a step forward, putting out a cautious hand, “Steven, what is he―”

_“Back off!”_

The Gems gasped as his bubble―crystalline and safe―surrounded the two, shutting them off. The pride he typically would’ve felt in the action (especially in it feeling so _effortless_ ) was washed by the heavy, unrelenting worry he had for Nora. The older of the two hadn’t even noticed the bubble; he was still staring out at something far, far away, mumbling things about a Spinel, an injector, and falling, all while more and more blood spilled from his nose. 

“Nora, c-can you hear me?” he didn’t get any solid response that he could. Steven chewed his lip, it was like Nora wasn’t even _there;_ he could see him, sure, but it felt like he was a million miles away _._ There was something separating them but he didn’t know what to do, he just felt _so―_

“ _Useless._ I’m so…” Nora whimpered, “u-useless.” 

Steven sighed, not out of relief or pity or sadness or desperation, but just an _exhale_ , saying more than any words could. He gingerly wrapped his arms around his future self, feeling his panicked heartbeat against his own, “You aren’t.” he whispered fiercely, “You aren’t useless, Steven Universe.” 

Nora’s weight shifted, he felt hands hold firm behind his back, “S-Steven?” 

“Yeah.” he nuzzled into the crook of his neck, “I’m here.” 

“You did this bubble?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Hey!!” he weakly cheered, “I’m so proud of you, Steven.”

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, I’m―” Nora shook his head, “No. I’m not feeling okay. My nose is totally broken and I feel like I just got ran over. The hug is nice, though.” 

“Heh. Is it awful that I’m glad you didn’t tell me you’re fine?”

“No.” he groaned, “I’m _way_ too tired to lie right now.” 

“Do you wanna go get cleaned up?”

“Please.” 

The bubble fell and the two split apart, they looked up to the Gems who simply unsummoned their weapons with remorse written on their faces. Nora shakily stood, helped by Steven who supported his side. 

“I’m going to explain everything.” Nora assured, his voice hoarse and nasally “I-I just need…a second…” 

Garnet nodded, her lips pressed tight. She stepped aside to allow the two boys to hobble toward the bathroom with the Gems’ eyes burning holes in their backs. Once they entered the bathroom, Steven locked the door and helped Nora up onto the counter. 

The older boy sighed and cradled his nose again, leaning against the wall. 

“You’re still bleeding!” Steven noticed with a start, “Why haven’t you healed yourself?”

“Feel too bad. Powers kaput.” 

Steven went to his roll of toilet paper, pulling at the roll until he had a more than generous amount of tissue in his hands; he shoved the massive wad of paper into Nora’s hands, “Lean forward and breathe through your mouth, Connie’s mom said that’s what you’re supposed to do for a broken nose.” he shrugged at Nora’s quizzical look, “She caught us watching _Under the Knife_ and wanted us to make sure we know what to _actually_ do.”

“That sounds like Priyanka.” Nora chuckled then winced, “Ugh. I’m really sorry you had to see me like that, Steven. The last time somebody broke my nose it wasn’t a, uh, _favorable_ situation to say the least; I guess it happening again triggered something.” Steven thought back to the day before: Amethyst touching his Gem and Nora going for her with the same blank expression he had on the floor: like he was on autopilot. “I must’ve sounded crazy…” 

“I feel that way too sometimes.” Steven stood across from Nora, holding more tissues to replace the ones currently turning crimson under Nora’s nose. “L-Like I’m…useless.” 

“I know. I’m you, remember?” he cracked a mirthless smile, “I remembered how I used to feel at your age―like I was wasting everybody’s time because nobody told me anything and I didn’t know what I was _for.”_

“Y-Yeah…!” 

It was strange to hear his insecurities put so simply like that from the bloodied mouth of his future self. 

“Yeah. It sucks.” he removed the tissues from under his nose, “Which is why I’m so sorry I’ve been treating you this way, Steven.”

“Treating me what way?”

“Like you can’t handle anything. I know how much it hurts to feel like nobody…like nobody _trusts_ you to understand things, especially the Gems. I’ve been thinking about you like you’re just some _kid_ but you’re _me._ A me that I still carry with me. A me I should give more credit because he’s pretty brave.” a soft smile spread across his face, “You were Steven Universe when it was the hardest to understand, that’s pretty amazing. No _wonder_ you looked through my stuff, hell, I would, too! _‘Specially,_ after that dream. So I’m sorry, Steven, for not believing in you.” 

“It” he paused, closing his eyes and exhaling, “ _wasn’t_ okay…and I forgive you.” 

He cracked open his eyes to see Nora smiling genuinely, “Thank you. Good job.” 

“So was that really you? In the dream?” 

“Yup.”

“And those were the Diamonds?

“They weren’t real like me but, yes, those were the Diamonds.”

“They’re _big._ And scary. _”_

He rolled his eyes, “They’re dorks, all they do these days is smother me with affection.” 

“You seemed mad at them.”

“I was.” he nodded, “Smother me with affection and ignore me. That’s all they do.”

“Sounds familiar.”

He snorted, wincing but smiling, “Yeah, I know, right?” 

Steven made grabbing motions for Nora’s hand, “Gimme.” his future self presented his hand, freckled with blood. He crossed his fingers and kissed the center of Nora’s hand, to his surprise the area sparkled when he drew away, “Did it…?”

He looked up to see Nora beaming with pride, his nose looking much more normal, “Look at you! Mr. Useful.”

“It worked?”

“Totally.”

“Yes!!” he threw his arms around Nora, “I have to go show the…Gems…” 

“Steven?” 

He furrowed his brow, “They attacked you, t-they hurt you. Why did they…?” 

Nora sighed, “Homeworld and the Diamonds are a…sensitive subject for them. They’re really protective of the Earth and of, well, _you._ I wasn’t very _forthcoming_ with info, y’know. I was a threat in their eyes because they thought I was a threat to you. They love you, Steven.”

“Then they love you, too.” he lightly punched Nora’s arm, “You’re me, remember?” 

“Yeah. I sure am.” 

A moment passed between the two in the tight confines of the bathroom.

Steven stuck his pinkie out, “I want to make a promise”

“Okay, what about?” 

“I want us to promise to be nicer to ourselves. Both of us, both Steven Universes.” Nora tilted his head to the side, then gently looped his pinkie finger around Steven’s. He grinned, “I, Steven Quartz Universe, age thirteen, promise to be nicer to myself.”

“I, also Steven _Quartz_ Universe, age seventeen, promise to be nicer to myself.” 

They shook in sync.

* * *

The Gems were quietly sitting around the counter when they exited the bathroom, all fixated on the bloody patch of floor where Nora had been laying. 

“Nora!” Pearl exclaimed, “H-How are you feeling?” 

“Better.” he shrugged, “My nose isn’t broken anymore, so that’s a win.” Garnet looked down in shame, running her finger against her gem with the triangle-shaped facet (at some point he should ask Nora why Garnet has two gems), “I’m going to try to explain myself to you as best I can, okay?” 

“Dude.” Amethyst pushed back her hair with an exasperated, “I don’t even care anymore, we just wrecked you and made you, like, do whatever you did on the floor. You don’t have to―”

“I want to.” he interjected, “It’s important.” Attention focused on him, Steven sat in the seat between Pearl and Amethyst, the two giving him a remorseful look as he sat. Nora inhaled, “You guys are right―I do work with the Diamonds.” the Gems stiffened, “But that’s only because _I_ dismantled the Empire and the Authority.” 

“You _what!?”_ Pearl squeaked, Amethyst looked at him with wide eyes, 

“How? What!? _HOW!?”_

Garnet just leaned in closer. 

“I’m teaching them how to be better. I’ve even got White saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to other Gems! There are no more colonies being made on any planet, there are no more rules on who belongs to who,” Pearl gasped, “there’s no more ‘right’ way to be a Gem,” Amethyst blinked, “fusions are allowed to exist as they are! Everything’s different!” 

Garnet removed her visor, three multi-colored eyes staring back at Nora, “How.”

“I changed their minds. About Earth, about love, about friendship, about the future. They realized the way they treated _certain people_ ” his eyes flicked to Pearl, “in the past was wrong. They _want_ to be better. Earth’s an independent planet, the war’s over.”

Amethyst grinned, “ _Whoaa!!_ Man, _you_ did all that?” 

“Nah.” Nora said dismissively, walking over to the counter and grabbing his phone. He tapped the screen a few times and turned it to them, “He did.” 

Steven’s eyes widened at the picture. It was of _him_ , wearing the exact clothes he was wearing and looking identical, posing for a picture with the Diamonds on _Earth_. Not some far off planet, but right on the beach. 

“All that stuff?” Nora continued, “Steven does it next year, he saves the entire galaxy before he turns fifteen.” The statement rang in Steven’s ears, he could feel the Gems staring at him with bewildered expressions and open mouths. “And I’m telling you this so y’all will stop underestimating him.” 

“W-What do you mean?” Pearl questioned, 

“ _I mean_ that he’s _going_ to surprise you with how much he can take. He deserves to be believed in.” 

“We do believe in him.” Garnet countered. 

“Then maybe don’t bring him on test missions anymore?” 

All three blushed. 

_Test missions?_ Steven groaned inwardly, “Have you guys been testing me!?”

Amethyst hid her face, “Busted.”

“For your own good!” Pearl insisted, “We just wanted to see if you’re ready!” 

“He is.” Nora said with conviction, “I mean he got Lapis to give back the ocean, right?” he looked back to his phone, swiping more, “Look. I’m not Rose. I’ll never _be_ Rose, I...don't _want_ to be Rose. I want to be Steven.” Steven glanced up to his mother’s portrait―to her ghost watching over him, “The whole reason I’m telling you this is because we become something _incredible,_ all four of us, or, well, eight now.”

“Eight?” he echoed, Nora showed him the phone. 

“This sneak peek shouldn’t be too risky, right?” 

The picture was of Nora and the reformed Gems along with Connie, _Lapis Lazuli_ , the same green Gem Nora had been with in another picture, and a rainbow-haired Gem all laughing at something unheard. Everybody looked so happy! Garnet was smiling the hardest he’d ever seen and Pearl was _dancing_ with Amethyst―and they looked like they were having fun! 

“I-Is that?” Pearl’s lip quivered, her finger hovering over the rainbow-haired Gem. 

“Yup!” 

“And this is the future?” 

“That’s the future if you work for it. I won’t lie: It was _hard_ and sometimes painful and I wouldn’t be telling the truth if I said I was _completely_ okay. But the future is so worth it. Every second.” he pocketed the phone, “Is that a good enough explanation?”

“Man, Nora, bring it in.” Amethyst pulled the teen into a hug which was quickly joined by Pearl and Garnet, the four of them beaming and happy. Steven felt something lift off his shoulders, throwing his head back and exhaling. 

The hug broke up, all four waiting for something to be said. Garnet manifested another visor, “Nora, I’d like to apologize for our behavior towards you in your time here. I was paranoid about your presence as my future vision couldn’t look into you, so I assumed the worst. We’re sorry.”

“Future what-now?” Steven asked, Nora just laughed, 

“S’okay. It’s the same in the future, too. Apparently I’m just _too_ unpredictable, it’s the human in me. My Garnet never knows what I’m getting up to.” he pursed his lips, “Speaking of which,” he dug in his pocket, pulling out a miraculously non-shattered Hourglass that refracted the early morning light into rainbows on the wall, “I should really get going.” 

“It’s working again?” Steven asked, feeling a tight pull in his chest. 

“Yeah,” he tossed it up and caught it, “started working last night. I wanted to say goodbye before I left.” 

“So this is it? Your goodbye?” he clutched his shirt, looking down to the floor. He…he didn’t _want_ Nora to leave―it was so nice to have somebody around who understood him like Nora but without him, it’d just be him against his thoughts all alone. Nora cupped his cheek, 

“Hey, chin up. We have a promise, remember? We’ll be okay, Steven.” 

“Yeah.” he sniffed, “Yeah, we will be.” 

“Dad’s on his way soon, he’s gonna take you out to breakfast.” 

“Why don’t you stay? Just for breakfast?” 

Nora rolled the Hourglass between his thumb and forefinger, “I...I think it’s time for me to go home.” 

“Okay.” he stood up on his chair, that way he was just as tall as Nora, “Bye, Steven Universe.”

Nora smiled, “Goodbye, Steven Universe.” 

Nora held the Hourglass over his head, saying with a smile and one last glance to Steven, “I want to go home.”

A light flashed. 

And he was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nora: *gets his nose broken*  
> nora's ptsd: its rewind time
> 
> steven: nora im begging you to go to therapy  
> nora: perhaps :) 
> 
> nora appearing in the future absolutely COVERED in blood: y'all will not BELIEVE the bullshit ive been through
> 
> next chapter: a tale of two stevens  
> its almost over :')


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn. it's really over huh :(  
> this is the first longform fanfic ive finished!! 90pgs babey!  
> i started this as a little project for over winter break and....i turned 18 last week so yeah its a little bigger than little
> 
> thank you so much to everybody who has read, commented, gave kudos, or drew fanart (!!!!) you're all getting a kiss or a firm handshake from me pick which in the comments <3 
> 
> (also scroll to the end to see a little sketch of the sadboys bc yall earned it for sticking with this bad boy xoxo)

[young](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eN3m7cteJy4) \- frankie cosmos

* * *

11

The beach never changed.

Well, not _never_ but it was one of the few mundane constants in Steven’s life. Ever since he could remember the beach was there, like the gem in his stomach, either right outside the doors of his dad’s van or expanding forever from his window. It was where he had learned to play music, where he had met Connie, and, three days after Nora had left, he found himself sitting, staring out to the glittering ocean. 

He pensively plucked a few strings of his ukulele, the soft notes easily overpowered by the sound of the water sparkling pale blue under the sky. He had just needed a breather which was new. He’d never _needed_ a breather from a non-magical situation, but today he had just needed a break―a small one, one where he sat by himself and played ukulele until he felt ready to go back inside. 

Things had been…weird since Nora went back to his proper time. Not bad but definitely not normal. The Gems had cleaned up the mess from their fight, avoiding eye contact with Steven and deliberately avoiding the jacket Nora had left sprawled in the center of the floor. Afterward they kept their eyes on Steven like he’d disappear like Nora if they so much as blinked. They _wanted_ to say something―that much was painfully obvious―but instead, they began sentences that never went anywhere whenever Steven went down to the kitchen to grab a much needed snack. 

Pearl kept obsessively picking up after him; Amethyst kept trying to get him to replay old video games they’d beaten a thousand times; Garnet spent entire days on the couch, watching his every move. It felt like his family had been replaced by some weird robots that could only perform one function but it wasn’t like _he_ was any better. 

Nora’s assertion that _he_ was going to save the galaxy before he turned _fifteen_ had been replaying in his head non-stop. He barely knew who the Diamonds _were_ but he was supposed to dismantle their entire empire _and_ teach them how to be good? How was he supposed to manage that? His powers weren’t even guaranteed to work! 

Aside from the effortless bubble he’d made to protect Nora while he was (hallucinating? He wasn’t sure what to call it.) bleeding on the floor, he hadn’t been able to summon his mom’s ( _his_ ) shield on a consistent basis let alone his bubble. He couldn’t float, evident from his bruised knees from failed floating tests, and he wasn’t sure if he _wanted_ whatever the pink thing was. He was so incredibly usel― 

_No. You promised Nora and Nora promised you._

He just needed to understand what he was meant to do now. He knew what he was _for_ but how was he supposed to get to the Steven who saved the galaxy when he was currently stuck at the Steven who can’t even summon a shield? 

It was too much, he decided. 

He’d woken up that day feeling like he was constantly out of breath and any noise the Gems made sounding 100-times louder and more oppressive. They kept trying to _talk_ to him and usually that didn’t bother him (it was all he wanted sometimes) but it was like he couldn’t handle another creak of the house without crying. So, in the middle of a lecture from Pearl about his updated training schedule, he had stood―grabbed Nora’s jacket and his ukulele― and walked out of the house without a word. 

The noise from the ocean was fine, it was comforting. It mixed with the sound of his playing in a way that didn’t make him want to disappear. Nora’s jacket slung over his shoulders helped too, it still smelled like strawberries and saltwater which Nora seemed to smell of the entire time he had been around. Maybe he still spent just as much time by the ocean in the future as he did in the present, maybe he still shared strawberry jam with Connie whenever they were free. He had a lot of maybes about the future, there was still so much he didn’t understand. He didn’t understand why Nora was so sad and angry and why he _believed_ in him so much. The future isn’t meant to be understood, he guessed, it was meant to be abstract, confusing, scary, and hopeful. 

He played a Cm7, it rung beneath his fingertips and died in the air. 

He missed Nora. 

It was weird to miss yourself, he saw Nora every time he looked in the mirror―although much shorter and missing lines under his eyes, but having somebody who _got it,_ who understood what it meant to be Steven Quartz Universe, was something he hadn’t known would be a hard role to fill. He still talked to his mom’s portrait at night but now he imagined Nora’s voice talking back rather than his best idea of what his mom had sounded like. It wasn’t the same: It didn’t have Nora’s small smile or how he snorted when he laughed or how he always pulled at his thick curls before he answered. Even those small facets of Nora were beginning to fade from his memory for some reason, he worried if one day he’d wake up and the entire ordeal would be confused for a dream. He didn’t want to forget Nora, he wanted to remember how much Nora had cared about him and the night they slept in the house together where Nora had started counting the seconds between lightning strikes once he thought Steven had fallen asleep; he wanted to remember the promise they’d made. 

Tears clouded his vision, making hollow sounds as they dripped from his face onto the shell of his ukulele. He used the pink sleeve of Nora’s jacket to wipe at his snotty face, tossing his uke to the side and pulling the jacket over his head until he saw nothing but pink-tinged darkness and heard nothing but rolling waves. He squeezed his eyes shut to try to stave off the tears but only succeeded in making hazy lights dance in his vision. He exhaled shakily, pressing his hand against the gem in his stomach. 

Soon the Gems would come looking for him but at that moment all he wanted was a moment with himself. 

“Hey.” a voice said from behind him, laced with worry, “Hey, just breathe, Steven.”

It felt like he had been slapped, his eyes snapped open and his arms threw off the jacket with impressive speed. He gasped, his face breaking out into a grin, _“NOORAA!!”_

Nora chuckled as Steven threw himself onto him, forcing the two of them back into the sand, he held him tight as if he’d go up in smoke if he even dared to release him. Nora squeezed him back with force he seemed to be rife with, Steven coughed out a breath, “Ooh,” he scratched the back of his neck, “Too tight?” 

“No! No!” he excitedly flapped his hands, “How are you back!? Oh my gosh, I thought you were gone forever!” 

“Eh, I was.” he pulled out the same Hourglass he’d used to get to the past in the first place, “It can go multiple times, also I needed to talk to you.” he pulled at the jacket Steven wore, “ _Plus,_ I left my jacket here.”

Steven raised an eyebrow, “You’re wearing the same jacket.”

“A man can’t have two or three or six of his favorite jacket?” Nora pulled a face of mock offense, “You are a hypocrite, Steven Universe.” 

“Maybe…” He laughed, thinking about his horde of identical shirts at the beach house. Steven sat back in the sand, close enough to Nora that he could rest his arm on his knee, “I’m really glad you’re back.” 

“Me too! Little awkward, though. Went to go see Lars, Sadie, and the Cool Kids first to, uh, _apologize_ and thank them for dealing with me while I was here and they...they had _a lot_ to say to Connie.”

“To Connie?” he pursed his lips, looking around him, “Is Connie he―” His words were cut off by an excited gasp―just up the beach stood Connie and the Gems, Connie and the Gems from the _future._ Even Lapis Lazuli and the two other Gems from the picture Nora had shown them were there, all seven of them waving to Steven with smiles. He scrambled back in the sand, “OH MY GOSH!” 

“Yeah,” Nora rolled his eyes, “they said they wouldn’t let me go back without them supervising,” he turned back and gave them a thumbs-up, future Amethyst shot both of them a finger gun, future Pearl looked like she was about to happy-cry, and Garnet smiled brightly, “but, to be fair, last time I was here I did come back _covered_ in blood. You shoulda seen them, they were ready to go fight their past selves themself.”

“They’re really sorry.”

“I know. They shouldn’t have done it but I know they were just trying to protect you, protect _us_.” he dragged his finger around the sand, making little patterns, “How have things been?” 

“Weird.” he admitted.

“Thought so.”

“Pearl keeps trying to clean everything for me, Amethyst keeps asking me to play _Lonely Blade I: Remasted_ , and Garnet just stands around all day watching me.” he grumbled, “I don’t get it.”

Nora snorted, “They’re trying to apologize to you.” 

“To me?” he questioned, “Why? They did stuff to _you,_ not me.”

“Same person.” he shrugged, “Steven, they ignored you when you told them to stop, you’re a Crystal Gem, too. You get a say.” 

“I’m just a kid.”

“So am I” he pointed behind them, “but _they_ understand that I’m a kid _and_ a Crystal Gem. It took them a while but they get it now―most of the time. They weren’t really good at apologizing like a human, sometimes they’re still, like, _shockingly_ bad, but they try in their own way: By trying to spend time with you.” 

“Oh.” 

Nora inched closer, “Anything else bothering you?” 

“No. Well, uh,” he pulled his knees to his chest, “yeah, kinda.”

“Is it the whole _‘you’re going to save the universe’_ thing?”

“Y-Yeah. How’d you know?”

“Because that’s why I came back.” he shrugged off his jacket, Steven noticed he wasn’t wearing his black star shirt but a short-sleeved button-up shirt striped in muted colors, “It wasn’t right of me to dump all that stuff on you then leave. It must be a lot for you to handle, it was a lot for _me_ to handle, honestly.” 

“It’s…it’s…” he sighed, then nestled his head between his knees. Nora grimaced, 

“I know. I’m really sorry.” he leaned back, “I thought telling them all that stuff would help them take you more seriously, get them to stop treating you like a baby but I kind of realized that that’s the thing that got me to where I was when I said that. We grew up too fast, Steven.” 

“Whaddya mean?”

“I mean…I mean we shouldn’t have all that pressure on us. Pressure to be Ro― _Mom_.” he swallows hard after saying it, “Pressure to be the savior of the universe. It doesn’t end up doing us any good.”

“But all those people you helped―”

 _“Would’ve been helped anyways_. We don’t have to, uh, set ourselves on fire to keep other people warm.”

Steven lifted his head, “What does _that_ mean?” 

“I dunno. My therapist said it, I thought it sounded cool.”

“Your what?”

“Therapist.” he repeated, “It’s this person you go talk to about things and they help you figure stuff out in a healthy way. I go to the same one Connie goes to―they’re pretty cool. They’ve helped me with my anxiety ‘n’ depression and stuff.” 

“So you’re not sad anymore?”

“Not _as_ sad.” he corrected, his eyes stared out to the ocean, “I wasn’t in a…good place when I came here last time and it kinda got worse before it got better.” he reached in his pocket and pulled something out, handing it to Steven, “I broke our promise a couple of times.” He turned over the plastic object in his hand, it was a white wristband. On the thickest part of it was printed: U, STEVEN Q., DELMARVA STATE HOSPITAL. Steven wasn’t sure what the wristband meant but it made his stomach turn nonetheless. “It took a while to realize it but I was blaming myself for a lot of stuff that wasn’t my― _our_ ―fault; me going Pink was kinda a side effect of me spiraling. I’m doing better now but I’m not perfect.” 

He handed the wristband back. Nora put it back in his pocket. He looked like he was doing better: The bags under his eyes weren’t as pronounced, his hair was actually done, his nails were painted yellow, blue, and red, and he wore dangly earrings with gold stars on the end. 

“I like your earrings.” he muttered, unsure of how to follow up on Nora’s confession. He smiled, 

“Thanks! Bismuth made ‘em for me. Look,” he took one of them off and held it out, “they’ve got our name in Gemglypth on it!” 

“Oh!” Steven squinted at the symbols engraved on the metal, “I-I can’t understand it.”

“That’s fine, I didn’t understand Gem until I was, like, sixteen.” he secured the earring again. He ran a hand through his hair, “How long has it been for you since I left?”

“Three days. Why?”

“Oof,” his eyes widened, he clicked his tongue, “it’s been four months for me.”

“ _Four months!?”_

“Yeah,” he bit his bottom lip, “the Gems didn’t let me out of their sight for the first couple weeks, then I had a _bit_ of a crisis, bit of a big crisis, then I started seeing Mx. Sugar―that’s my therapist, by the way―after talking with Dad and stuff, then I had a whole _new_ crisis―do _you_ know what nonbinary is?” Steven shook his head, Nora shouted, “Me neither! Could’ve saved me a lotta trouble.” he blew a raspberry, “Anyways. Then I started thinking about this whole thing, the me-dumping-all-this-stuff-on-you thing and I just figured that I needed to talk to you again.” he half-exhaled, half-laughed, “I can’t stop doing the helping thing, can I?” 

“This is helping.”

“I hope.” he pressed his lips together, “Shame you won’t remember this.”

“What?”

“I’m the only one who remembers me going to the past―the Gems, Dad, Connie, even Sadie and Lars―they thought I was losing it. I don’t even remember this from _your_ perspective, only mine. Some weird time travel side-effect, probably.” he shrugged, “Probably for the best. It’s better if you don’t know about Homeworld and the Diamonds until you _have_ to.” 

His stomach twisted further, he averted his eyes, “I-I don’t want to forget.” 

“I know you don’t.”

“I want to know that at some point I’m going to be strong.”

Nora cupped Steven’s cheek, the gentleness in the action contrasted with the intensity in his eyes, “You aren’t here to be strong, you’re here to exist.” 

“I don’t know how to do that.”

“Sheesh, don’t I know it.” Nora laid back in the sand, “Lay down with me, the sky looks pretty.”

Steven leaned back until he felt particles of sand against his neck. The sky did look nice, different shades of blue overlapping and mixing together with wisps of white clouds. 

“Being a hybrid is hard.” he turned to face Nora who was still looking up at the clouds, Nora continued, “It’s really, really hard. People don’t really understand what it’s like to not _belong_ to either part of your identity. I’m too human for the Gems, too Gem for humans sometimes. My brain is mixed up in ways I don’t really get and it feels like I can’t talk to anybody about it without scaring them off. I’m trying to figure out who Steven _is,_ y’know? Beyond being the savior of the universe or whatever.” Nora tucked a piece of hair behind his ear, "I’m trying to find different parts of my identity that I totally belong to―Connie’s taking me to Delmarva Pride this year and I started doing TubeTube again, just doing stuff that makes me happy, I don’t even _post_ the video all the time.” he laughed, gesturing around as he talked, he glanced over to Steven, whose mouth was slightly open, “Is this too much for you? I’ll stop talking if it is.”

“No, no, it’s just that I’ve never heard how I felt said out loud.” he closed his eyes, trying to hang on to every word, “Keep going. Please.” 

“Okay.” he felt a hand ruffle his hair, “Well, basically, I’m just saying that I’m trying to learn how to exist. I thought my life was over because nobody needed me to save everything anymore but that’s not true…people still need me. They just don’t need me because the world’s ending. They need me to stick around and stay a-alive That’s enough.” his voice warbled, “It’s _hard_ to force myself to just exist. Last time I existed and had a _happily ever after_ , everything was taken away from me and it scares me to let my guard down. But…existing is _really fun,_ Steven, it’s crazy. I never know what’s going to happen next and it’s starting to excite me more than it scares me. It’s weird.”

“That sounds nice.”

“It is.” he nudged him, Steven opened his eyes, “Wanna know a secret?” 

“Yes!!” he brightened, Nora shushed him,

“Okay, okay. You can’t yell, the Gems don’t know it yet.”

“Don’t know what?”

“Connie and I are dating.”

“You’re WHAT?” 

Nora paled, “Steven!! Secret!!” 

_“You’re what?!?”_ he repeated, much quieter. 

“Dating. We have been for two months, seven days, and thirteen hours.” his cheeks were a very normal shade of pink, “The Gems don’t know, I don’t want them messing with my funky-flow. She asked me out a few weeks after I got out of the hospital. I cried. A lot.”

Steven muffled his own excited shouts, kicking his legs in the air, “Like grown-up dating!?”

“Steven. Dude. Don’t act surprised, we both know we’ve liked her since we met her.”

“Uh, well, _yeah_ but she likes _us!?”_

“Crazy, right!” he pushed back his hair with a goofy grin, “Aaah!! She’s the best!!” 

“Have you guys _kissed?”_

Nora blushed deeper, “...Maybe.” 

“!!!!!!” he squealed. 

Nora slapped his hands over his mouth, “Steven!! Oh my god!!!” he heard future Connie laugh behind them, “Not helping!” he shouted back.

“Sorry!” she called, Steven blushed heavily. He was going to date _Connie!_ He was going to be her First Boyfriend when she becomes President! 

Steven turned back and waved to her, she waved back. 

Okay. He was excited for the future. 

“Feeling better?” Nora asked, smirking at the smile on Steven’s face. 

“Yeah,” he settled back, “kinda. I’m still sad that I’m gonna forget this, though. I like hanging out with you, Nora.” 

“I like hanging out with _you_ , goofball.” he sat up from the sand, shaking it from his hair, “I have an idea, though.” 

“What?” 

“You’ll see.” he turned back to their audience, “Hey!! You guys can come over, now!”

The sentence was barely out of Nora’s mouth before all the Gems and Connie were right beside them. Garnet scooped Steven up with a smile, holding him by the midsection, “Hello, Steven!” 

“Aw, he’s so cute!!” future Pearl exclaimed, squishing his cheeks, “Stars, it’s been ages since he was this small!” 

“Ste-man Classic.” Amethyst smiled, “How old are you, dude?”

“T-Thirteen! I turn fourteen in August!”

Lapis Lazuli snorted, “Damn, your voice used to be high.”

“Lapis!” Pearl gasped, “Language!” 

“Oh, shit, sorry.” 

The green Gem inspected him, “This is such a young edition of Steven!” 

“Peridot, it’s still me but younger.” Nora groaned, getting up from the sand, “He doesn’t even know who you are, yet.” 

“That can’t be!” the gem, Peridot, looked aghast. 

“He _just_ met Lapis. You haven’t had your chance to try and kill me, yet.” Steven paled, Nora blew a raspberry, “Sorry. Bad joke.” 

“If he hasn’t met Peri, then he definitely hasn’t met me!” the grey-skinned Gem with rainbow dreadlocks held out her hand to him, “Bismuth.”

“Oh! You made his earrings!” 

“Yup! Deepcut wanted something nice and I’m always happy to do _bismuth_ with ‘em.”

“Jokes!!” he shouted, his eyes starry, “Nora, she’s got jokes!”

He rolled his eyes, “She’s got _joke._ ” Bismuth punched Nora’s side, he laughed and stuck his tongue out. “Yowch, I was joking!” 

Connie went to his side, playfully rubbing his arm, “Aw, is it broken?”

Nora shoved her, “Yeah. It’s shattered. Absolutely beyond repair, I’ll never play sports again.”

“You don’t even know what basketball is, dummy.” 

“But what if I did one day!” 

“You’re the same height as Connie!” Steven blurted out, cheeks dusted with pink. Connie looked between herself and Nora, 

“He wishes, it’s just his hair.” she squashed down Nora’s mass of curly hair to emphasize that he was maybe an inch shorter. 

“One day I will be!”

“Fat chance!” 

“Ros―My mom was like fifteen-feet tall!” 

“And?”

Nora and Connie snickered, their hands somehow interlocking.

“Do they still think we don’t know they’re dating?” Steven heard Pearl whisper. 

Garnet smiled, “Let them have this.” 

“If they get any closer they’ll fuse.” Amethyst snarked, Steven’s eyes widened, 

“We can do that?!” 

“Pearl!” Nora exclaimed before any of the Gems could explain the bemused looks on their faces, “Do you have a polaroid in your gem?”

“I suppose so…haven’t needed it in quite some time but if I just check my 80s folder…” she held her hand out in front of her gem, it glowed softly before a dusty camera was deposited into Pearl’s hands, “A-ha!” 

“Awesome!” Nora let go of Connie’s hand and walked over to Garnet, “Can I see him for a sec?” Garnet released him onto the sand, Nora scooped his jacket into his arms and slipped it on, “So we match.” He bent down so he was closer to Steven’s height. Pearl leveled the camera, 

“Okay!” she peered into the viewfinder, “On three. One...” 

Steven pressed himself against Nora, their identical jackets touching. 

“Two…”

Nora smiled. A real, genuine smile.

“Three!” 

The flash went off, the two blinked off the light as the picture printed out from the polaroid. Nora snatched it from the camera and gingerly handed it to Steven. 

“Here.” he said, “Hide this somewhere in the house, maybe you’ll find it one day and sort of remember this. Maybe it’ll help when you feel like breaking our promise.”

Steven bit the inside of his cheek to keep from crying, “Can…can I hug you again?”

“Always.” 

Nora knelt and Steven wrapped his arms around his broad shoulders, burying his head in the crook of his neck, “I love you, Nora.”

“I love you, too, Steven.” They pulled apart, Nora quickly wiping at something in his eye. He fished out the Hourglass, “Well, here we are again.” 

“See you in four years.”

He snorted, “Yeah, dork. I _am_ gonna need that jacket back.”

“What!!”

“You’ll have one in three years! Give you something to look forward to.” 

“Ugh,” he took off the jacket, making a big show of handing it to Nora, “fineeee.” 

“Thank you.” The Gems and Connie gathered around Nora, all saying goodbyes to Steven as Nora lifted the Hourglass into the air, “Send us b―”

“WAIT!” 

Nora nearly dropped the Hourglass, scrambling to regain a grip on it, “What?!” 

“Dad! H-He told me where you got the name Nora from.” he fidgeted with his hand, interlacing his fingers, “It’s what Mom would’ve named us―if we were a girl.” 

The Gems and Connie sent Nora a look that they were as aware of Nora’s attitude towards their mom as Steven was. Nora looked like he was buffering, “Oh.”

Steven swallowed, he didn’t want Nora to leave without hearing what he had to say. Even if it made him angry. He felt Nora had earned it. 

“I-I know how you feel about Mom…and I don’t know if this will even mean anything to you because you know a lot more about her but…I think that she’d be proud of you. If she was still around. I think she’d be really proud.” 

Nora blinked, tears brimming in his eyes. He inhaled gently, “I hope so.” he smiled softly, “I wish I could tell her I like the name.” 

He raised the Hourglass again, taking Connie’s hand while the Gems gently placed a hand on his shoulders, “I think we’re ready.”

The same brilliant flash of light and he was gone again, leaving Steven alone on the beach with only the waves and the clouds. He checked his hands, turning over the polaroid of himself and Nora. 

“Steven!!” He looked up to see his Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst on the balcony with worry laced on their features, “Are you okay?”

They’d both blinked. He and Nora, they both blinked in the picture. Steven laughed, holding the picture close to his chest. 

“Yeah!” he called back.

“I will be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's that!  
> nora actually went to a therapist yall and you already know i had to get nonbinary!steven in here somehow
> 
> steven: so nora how's our gender doing?  
> nora: oh i sold it for serotonin :) 
> 
> my socialz:  
> instagram: spooksierr  
> twitter/tumblr: spooksier
> 
> (luv u)

**Author's Note:**

> s1 crystal gems like......tolerated steven at best for the first few eps like. respect my boy 
> 
> just wait until somebody says that he's just like his mom,,, my boy's gonna lose it


End file.
